Aiwendil is offline Aiwendil Post #1  May 4,2010, 6:11pm
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Hi again,

So in my last thread I asked what you guys thought of my choice of location for a first date. You all seemed to think it was a good choice given her interests, and told me to make sure that she knows it was a date when I ask her because the location and activity for the date could be done as just friends as well. Sassafras54 suggested something like "I really like you and would like to get to know you better ... wanna go to the botanical garden on such-and-such a date/time?"

I've thought about this and I've come up with a modified version that I'd like some criticism on: "I really like you and I'd really like to have the opportunity to get to know you better. Will you give me that chance?" and depending on the response, I'd ask if she'd like to go to the botanic gardens.

I'm not too sure about this next part, but that's why I'm asking here. I thought about including something like "I know I should have told you sooner, and I blame my general fear of beautiful girls for waiting so long" or something similar. This gives her a compliment, while also showing that this is a date and not a friend activity. (A little background for those who don't know it: I knew this girl in middle school, but we went to different high schools and now we've ended up in the same class at a university. The reason I should have told her sooner is that I've been interested in her since the beginning of the semester, and I'm pretty sure that she's picked up on it at least a little. I've never had any experience with dating and talking to girls in general, and I've done all of the things that shy people do when they like someone: I've been looking at her, and when she looks at me I quickly glance away, as well as texting her to offer her notes from a lecture she missed when the notes were already online, and I gave her my number to make sure she got home safely on a night with bad weather, among other things).

So, what do you guys think? What should I keep and what should I get rid of? Does this show that I want it to be a date and not an activity as friends? Any other suggestions?

Thanks
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #2  May 4,2010, 6:18pm
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So much easier to start off as friends and escalate to relationship.
 
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Aiwendil is offline Aiwendil Post #3  May 4,2010, 6:24pm
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We already are friends, basically.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #4  May 4,2010, 7:13pm
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Hmm well first I'd say once you are just friends with a girl, you tend to stay friends with her, nothing more.

However, I know how it is, you have to at least try right?

Ok so don't throw a bunch of feelings at her upfront like you are thinking. Usually when you do that, it doesn't help.

Instead, just ask her out. "(Her name), I'd like to take you out somewhere special (this Saturday, whatever day)." This phrasing tells her it's a date in a subtle way, that suggests going out with her is a special thing.

Then just treat her well. Open doors for her, ask her opinion on some of the plants and respond to her observations. Notice which things seem to catch her eye the most, and mention something about what she's looking at that appeals to you as well.

If you take a break at a food shop there, ask her what you can get her before you start ordering.

Try holding her hand during the date. If she doesn't hold yours or kinda pulls it away after a very short while, then she only wants to be friends. But if she holds your hand for a while or squeezes it, then she is open to more than friendship with you.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #5  May 4,2010, 7:38pm
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You're really going to wordsmith and memorize and rehearse everything that you say?

Not smart.
 
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Aiwendil is offline Aiwendil Post #6  May 4,2010, 7:39pm
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robv_la wrote :
Hmm well first I'd say once you are just friends with a girl, you tend to stay friends with her, nothing more.
We aren't friends to the point of most firendships (if that makes sense). It's more of a classroom friendship, we don't talk or see each other really at all outside of class (just three or four text messages total).

robv_la wrote :
However, I know how it is, you have to at least try right?
Exactly. She's nice to me during class, and has gone out of her way to say hi or to just talk to me, so I figure I have at least a small chance.

robv_la wrote :
Ok so don't throw a bunch of feelings at her upfront like you are thinking. Usually when you do that, it doesn't help.
Now that I think about it, that makes sense. Is this the general opinion of you other forum members (especially the women obviously)?

So, taking your advice and modifying my original idea, maybe something like "I'd like to get to know you better outside of class and I'd like to take you out somewhere special..."?

Edit -
melman wrote :
You're really going to wordsmith and memorize and rehearse everything that you say?
Not everything. I've just never done this before, and I really don't want to mess this up. And I'm not going to use exactly what I write on this site, I'm just going for a general guide here that I can build off of when I talk to her.
Last edited by Aiwendil; May 4,2010 at 7:41pm.
 
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Northern_Gal is offline Northern_Gal Post #7  May 4,2010, 8:05pm
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If you are only casual friends, I wouldn't come on too strong right at first...but yes, do subtly make her aware that it is a special thing the two of you would be doing together. When someone that I know only casually comes on too strong all of a sudden, it's rather...odd. Better to build up to it, as the date(s) go on. IMO. Unless, of course, you are getting the feeling that she likes you too...and of course, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Let us know how it goes!
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #8  May 4,2010, 8:09pm
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I'm not too sure about mentioning the fear of beautiful girls making you wait so long, yes it's a backhanded compliment but it's also negative in that it might make her think she'll have to wait a similar length of time for you to do anything else you're scared of. It may work like a charm, it may backfire, difficult to say.
 
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Aiwendil is offline Aiwendil Post #9  May 4,2010, 8:36pm
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gothustartus wrote :
I'm not too sure about mentioning the fear of beautiful girls making you wait so long, yes it's a backhanded compliment but it's also negative in that it might make her think she'll have to wait a similar length of time for you to do anything else you're scared of. It may work like a charm, it may backfire, difficult to say.
Hmmm, what if I added something like "buy don't worry, it won't happen again"? I know there's no way for her to know for sure if I'm telling the truth, but I haven't given her any reason not to trust me. I don't have to use this idea, it was just a thought on a way to give her a compliment at the same time as asking her out.

Thanks for all of the replies and advice so far everyone!
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #10  May 4,2010, 11:36pm
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Aiwendil wrote :
Hmmm, what if I added something like "buy don't worry, it won't happen again"? I know there's no way for her to know for sure if I'm telling the truth, but I haven't given her any reason not to trust me. I don't have to use this idea, it was just a thought on a way to give her a compliment at the same time as asking her out.

Thanks for all of the replies and advice so far everyone!
I have in the past asked out someone i'd been interested in for a long time (but never asked out because i thought she was with someone) and when she asked why i'd waited so long i just said i was an idiot. She seemed satisfied with that.
 
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