dating advice in a religious context


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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #1  May 4,2010, 4:52am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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When it comes to dating advice does the involvement of religion change what can be said or not said? People are certainly free to practice their religious beliefs in any way they see fit. But, are others required to suspend rational judgement when discussing these beliefs or associated behaviors?

For example, in the Relationships forum I recently made the following post:

jayjay wrote :
The thing is..... the difficulties people have oftentimes aren't the issue they want to address or ask for advice on. Maybe others don't want to say it, but if an adult has to ask permission from another adult (who isn't even a relative) to date someone..... there are some significant other issues present that likely overshadow the actual question being asked here. I know that isn't sweet or make people feel good, but I think it seems to me to be accurate.
I don't see anything 'disrespectful' or 'over the line' in this....but that's what it was labeled by several people. As best I can figure the reason for people's displeasure with my post was because the action I discussed (asking permission to date) was mentioned by the OP in a religious context. So, do you think that behavior that comes in a religious context is subject to different rules of analysis....or is even exempt from rational criticism?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  May 4,2010, 5:16am
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jayjay wrote :
/snip.....is even exempt from rational criticism?
Yes. Religion is not only about belief, but about deep rooted traditions and following those traditions brings about a certain degree of comfort and security to people practicing those traditions and beliefs. When you question that, you are attacking the foundation on which their lives are built or a rock on which they lean on for support, and that's definitely going to bring about an aggressive backlash. This doesn't even have to be about religion - any time you question a person's core foundations, you will get an immediate defensive reaction.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #3  May 4,2010, 5:54am
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I think religion and political beliefs go hand in hand. There are some people (such as myself), who believe that people can think any way they want to, and your (or my) religious or political beliefs should not really limit our ability to be accepting of each other and date to get to know one another and whether we have things in common that bind, not divide.

but... I recently met this guy that was so hard-core on one side of the political spectrum that he wanted (and rightly so) a person that was in lock-step with his own political views. I expressed to him beforehand that I believe people should be more accepting, and those differences make the relationship more interesting... but, that I was not as hard-core in my political beliefs as he was. He wanted to meet me, and thought it was something he could move past... we met, had a great first coffee date... but during the course of the date I realized that he was so unaccepting of other people's views, it would cause too many issues in any relationship formed unless he was with someone who thought just like him.

Lesson learned... although before this experience I would have never said that political beliefs (or religious) should get in the way of dating someone... I now know better.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  May 4,2010, 5:55am
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jayjay wrote :
When it comes to dating advice does the involvement of religion change what can be said or not said? People are certainly free to practice their religious beliefs in any way they see fit. But, are others required to suspend rational judgement when discussing these beliefs or associated behaviors?

I don't see anything 'disrespectful' or 'over the line' in this....but that's what it was labeled by several people. As best I can figure the reason for people's displeasure with my post was because the action I discussed (asking permission to date) was mentioned by the OP in a religious context. So, do you think that behavior that comes in a religious context is subject to different rules of analysis....or is even exempt from rational criticism?
I saw the thread in question; had a couple Friends in there. I was tempted to post the thread, but got stuck on just the question you asked.....why the permission?

I do think, for the purpose of the boards here, we should put ourselves in the OP's shoes, if at all possible. I think that because it fosters understanding.

Sometimes I'm tempted to take it further than the OP asked when giving "advice". Every time I venture into uncharted territory I take a risk. Mostly I try to negate the risk by confining myself to threads where the OP is a Friend.

Even then, I do manage to get myself in trouble sometimes.

"Rational judgement" and "rational criticism".....I do find that what seems perfectly "rational" to me.....at times does not to somebody else.....whether they be Friend or stranger.....or even "shadowy silhouette".

Welcome to a new day and a new thread, Friend.

j8a
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  May 4,2010, 6:02am
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jayjay wrote :
So, do you think that behavior that comes in a religious context is subject to different rules of analysis....or is even exempt from rational criticism?
overall, no.

in the case of that thread, my perception was that asking permission to date is borderline cultish behavior. why would someone hand over decision making control to someone that would not reap the repercussions of the decision and would not be accountable for the outcome. this is just my opinion, but religion is (and should be) about personal responsibility within the context of what you know and it should not require someone to shut their brain off to follow the tenets of it. i dont believe that we have absolute control over everything that happens to us, but it is up to us to make responsible, intelligent decisions based on the facts of the situation.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  May 4,2010, 6:05am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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j0hn8andy wrote :
I saw the thread in question; had a couple Friends in there. I was tempted to post the thread, but got stuck on just the question you asked.....why the permission?

"Rational judgement" and "rational criticism".....I do find that what seems perfectly "rational" to me.....at times does not to somebody else.....whether they be Friend or stranger.....or even "shadowy silhouette".
By 'rational judgement' what I mean is.....if the standard changes solely because a religious element is involved. For example, if someone posted that they needed to ask for another's permission to date (without any mention of religion) I expect there would be people suggesting some maturity and/or emotional issues at work (even if that wasn't the specific question asked). However, when the same behavior is mentioned in association with a religious belief.....some people consider stating this 'off limits' or 'mocking'.

P.S. Are you the one who gave this thread 5 stars? Shame on you.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  May 4,2010, 6:08am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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jussmile wrote :
Lesson learned... although before this experience I would have never said that political beliefs (or religious) should get in the way of dating someone... I now know better.
Yes, being compatible with someone in the religious and political spheres can be important....and even sometimes a deal breaker.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  May 4,2010, 6:12am
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Since you have taken your post out of context with respect to the question that you were responding to it may be that within the entire context of the question your answer could be taken in some other way than it appears in your post here.

However, I see nothing out of line with your post in and of itself. And as this is not a religious based forum and there are people here that are of all faiths including those of no religious background. Posting a question based on a particular faith should not be reason for excluding comments and opinions of others who do not share that faith. Nor should the OP or other posters be entitled to ridicule someone for posting a comment or opinion based on their particular beliefs.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  May 4,2010, 6:39am
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Religion is such a polar issue for some people that you could discuss/argue about it all day long and you're just not going to get anywhere...it's just not worth it.
Just like abortion...
Many mods on forum sites won't even let people bring up these subjects because it becomes a shouting match basically...I've seen it myself.
So much of these two subjects relies on a person's belief system, that whatever you inject into the discussion will never be taken as anything more than the completely opposite view of someone's opinion.

I mean, where are you really going to go(in the conversation) when you start criticizing someone's belief system??

That's why both religion and abortion, are such hot button topics to begin with. You can butt your head up against a wall all day and make more progress.
 
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lindseyk is offline lindseyk Post #10  May 4,2010, 6:47am

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Although I do not particularly care for the word 'religious' (bad connotations lol), I think there are people in that group who do not handle rational criticism well, just as there are non-religious people who do not handle it well either. Rational thinking is not the sole preserve of the non-religious. I will admit that I find it irritating when people assume that people of faith or 'religion' are irrational on principle. I do not believe that's what the OP is doing, but it has been known to happen and I've seen it throughout my life.

I'm a person of faith and I don't consider myself to be irrational. Others may disagree, of course. lol
Last edited by lindseyk; May 4,2010 at 8:12am.
 
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