shellshell3 is offline shellshell3 Post #1  May 3,2010, 8:23pm
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I have really hit it off with a man and have been dating for a four months. During these last couple of months I have realized that he is a great guy... a real man... which is completely wonderful since it feels like I have dated jerks all my life. I feel like this is a man that I've been dreaming of all this time, but since I had so many bad relationships in the past - I'm afraid of messing things up between us. At this time I really don't know where are relationship stands and I'm afraid to ask him.

How do I keep this relationship going? Do I just hang back and wait for him to progress the relationship? I don't want to scare him away by coming off over baring or insecure. Is there something that I can do to let him know that I want it to move to the next level without coming out and saying it? Does anyone have tips for me?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  May 3,2010, 8:30pm
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he might like over baring.

what do you mean by progress the relationship/next level?
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #3  May 3,2010, 8:37pm
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Yep more info needed. Next level as in exclusive, or intimacy?

Overall though, just be good to him. Treat him kindly and don't let your past history make you doubt him or distrust him.

Show him that you care through your actions, and he will grow closer to you.
 
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shellshell3 is offline shellshell3 Post #4  May 3,2010, 8:40pm
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I want to know if I'm his girlfriend or the girl that he takes out on the weekends when he doesn't have plans with the guys... i guess... that would be the next level for me.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  May 3,2010, 8:42pm
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oh like exclusive commitment type stuff? do you know that he isnt dating others? how often do you go out?
 
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shellshell3 is offline shellshell3 Post #6  May 3,2010, 8:51pm
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He has told me that he isnt dating others... and I need to trust him on that. We met New Years and he was out with his guy friend... if he was dating a woman he wouldn't have been alone... and last weekend he went to a friend's wedding... again dateless because we went out on a date right after the wedding ended. We see eachother at least twich a month... mostly because I have children and cant always find a sitter... last couple of months it been everyweekend.
 
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angloaustralian is offline angloaustralian Post #7  May 3,2010, 8:59pm
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Post #301

After four months, it doesn't seem at all unreasonable to discuss this. In the absence of a conversation in which the nature of the relationship is articulated, some people make the same assumptions by unspoken consent.
Last edited by angloaustralian; May 3,2010 at 9:02pm. Reason: And you seem to be over the three month hump, which is good.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  May 4,2010, 11:09am
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angloaustralian wrote :
Post #301

After four months, it doesn't seem at all unreasonable to discuss this. In the absence of a conversation in which the nature of the relationship is articulated, some people make the same assumptions by unspoken consent.
shellshell3 wrote :
He has told me that he isn't dating others... and I need to trust him on that. We met New Years and he was out with his guy friend... if he was dating a woman he wouldn't have been alone... and last weekend he went to a friend's wedding... again dateless because we went out on a date right after the wedding ended. We see each other at least twice a month... mostly because I have children and cant always find a sitter... last couple of months it been every weekend.
He is not indicating by his actions that you are his girlfriend. If he was thinking that you were his girlfriend then he would have taken you to the wedding. It could be that he sees you as just a friend to do things with or it could be that he is not sure what your feelings are and he does not want to mess things up with you.

Whatever the reason I am a firm believer in straightforward conversation. It is OK for you to just ask him where he thinks the relationship is going. After 4 months he should be willing to stand up and state where he stands.
 
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dogwood is offline dogwood Post #9  May 4,2010, 4:15pm
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you know details that no one here does about this man and things that have transpired between you.

in my opinion, not taking you to a wedding may just as easily have been out of respect for your relationship being new and not wanting to put you in a strange position.

doing what you have been doing already seems like a safe way to keep the relationship going in a way which seems to be pleasing to you.

four months is a very short time in relationship terms. asking for clarification could easily unhinge your very nice progress with this man.

something i use to make decisions like this is waiting until i have no feelings of anxiety about anything, including the situation with your partner, then make a rational, calm decision.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #10  May 4,2010, 5:07pm
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Just keep doodling around and wait for him to get an urge to give you an indication. NOT. Enquiring minds want to know - feed him then have a conversation.
 
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