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Loser is offline Loser Post #1  May 3,2010, 9:23am
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Maybe I'm a dummy but here is the story.

I recently, 2 weeks ago, had contact with my 1st girlfriend from 1974-75. yeah, I'm old. Our paths have crossed a few times in the interim 30+ years but we were either married or in relationships.

Well we are clicking very well!!! Same interest, outlooks etc. in fact I would say very much so. We live about 3-3.5 hours away from each other so we have not hooked up in real life yet but talk on the phone about every other day for 1.5-2.5 hours at a time.

I think I want to start a relationship with her but do not know what she is thinking. Just old friends getting reacquainted or more? She has initiated most(90%) of the phone calls and text messages which makes me think she might be leaning the same way as me. There hasn't been any flirting or anything of that nature.

Heck, I haven't dated much since my divorce and women are hard to figure out so I'm not sure. any input appreciated.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #2  May 3,2010, 9:41am
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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Why don't you suggest meeting up? You aren't that far from each other (either meet in the middle or in your town or hers). That way you'll know if the chemistry is still there in person now that you are each available, and can get a better sense of what the possibilities are for each of you.

Who knows what she's interested in right now. She might want to reconnect romantically, or she might just want someone to talk to. If you keep on chatting like this without meeting, though, you run the risk of building something up in your head that might not exist.

(And, what's with the "Loser" username? Geez...)
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  May 3,2010, 9:45am
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In spite of your knowing her before,it's still a long distance relationship at best, so there's going to be all the issues that go along with doing that.
You don't mention too much about her history..has she been married before, divorced?? got kids??
there's ton of stuff that can happen in 30 years.
instead of just thinking "I want to start a relationship with her" right from the start, I think you'd want to at last go on a few dates with her..
maybe agree to meet at a place halfway, and spend the day together...like I said, a lot happens in 30 years.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #4  May 3,2010, 9:48am
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Crazy idea- ask her if she's interested in starting a relationship or just wants to be friends.
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #5  May 3,2010, 10:06am

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I had a similar experience a few years ago myself. I reconnected with a highschool sweet heart I had not seen in twenty-five+ years. Long story short, It lasted about six weeks.

First, remember that there was a reason the two of you stopped dating. It may or may not be relevent now, but there was a reason. As time passes we tend to forget painful or unpleasant experiences and remember the good. That's why the old days are referred to as the "good old days".

Second, the person you were when the two of you dated is not the same person you are today. The same goes for her. Some characteristics of our old self may still exist but a lot of who we were when we were 20 is different today.

I suggest you approach a possible relationship with her in the same manner you would with someone new in your life. Eyes open and evaluate her based upon the person she is today.

In my case, after six weeks of dating, we realized that we both had changed and we had very different views as to what the future should hold for us. Be careful and don't get excited about fond old memories. There is a reason for the saying "you can never go back".
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #6  May 3,2010, 10:12am

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Also, you may want to consider changing your OP name. The way you think of yourself often affects how others see you. "Loser" is not an appropriate title for anyone, give yourself more credit.
 
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Loser is offline Loser Post #7  May 3,2010, 11:35am
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haha. It was a long time ago when I registered here, had to request my password and I first thought they sent me the wrong username. But I did get a chuckle out of it. I do not think of myself as a loser.Don't really know what made me come up with it.

We are trying to arrange a meeting but our schedules haven't worked out yet.

I know what has happened in her life the last 30 years but I don't see how it applies to my query.

I think I will cool my jets until we have a face to face meeting and take it from there.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  May 3,2010, 11:50am
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Loser wrote :
I know what has happened in her life the last 30 years but I don't see how it applies to my query.
It doesn't, just so long as you realize it may also not not matter(to her) that you two ever knew each other at all.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  May 3,2010, 12:56pm
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I think she's interested in some kind of relationship with you ... or there wouldn't have been all that contact from her. Friendship or romance? I'm betting on romance, but as you say, you need some face time together and see where it goes. Good luck!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  May 3,2010, 5:09pm
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Go with what neardc said.
 
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