Wanting cyber after first meeting?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Lorelai is offline Lorelai Post #1  May 2,2010, 9:29am
Lorelai's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2010

Posts: 3

See profile

All right.. a gentleman who lives about five hours away drove to meet me. We got along well in my opinion. It wasn't a very long date, but I did feel a spark. We kissed, but that was it. I do not like to rush things physically in a relationship -- and since we've only had one date I can't really call it a "relationship" anyway. When it comes to someone who I might want to have a relationship with I don't want to fall in lust so fast that I neglect getting to know the person and end up in a relationship entirely based on sex.

After he went back home, we spoke online and he first asked if I had a webcam, and when I explained that I didn't, attempted to initiate cybersex anyway. I've never had phone sex with someone who I wasn't in a relationship with, nor has virtual sex happened before real sex, but he does live quite a distance away. I didn't feel comfortable with it, and tried to explain gently that I wasn't interested in doing that, but wanted to take the time to get to know him, as well as saying that I did feel we had chemistry.

He said he understood. He hasn't emailed or called since.

Am I being too much of a prude here? I don't think there's anything wrong with it -- it's certainly the safest form of sex! But I don't feel like I'm ready to sleep with him in real life, and that feeling kind of carries over to the virtual world as well. And I really hope I didn't offend him -- I do feel attraction and enjoy sex a great deal, but just not right away.

Thanks for any input.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  May 2,2010, 9:32am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,076

See profile

No, you're not being a prude. Cyber sex is still sex ... if you're not ready, you're not ready.

Since he hasn't contacted you again (how long has it been?) I would wonder if he's got a cybersex fetish? And that was his goal all along? Just wondering.
 
  Reply With Quote
neardc is offline neardc Post #3  May 2,2010, 9:33am
neardc's Avatar

Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,050

See profile

Ick. This would be a serious boundary violation for me. I think he has made it clear what he is looking for, though. If it's what you want, that's fine (consenting adults and all that). However, don't expect this to develop into a serious, emotionally mature relationship.
 
  Reply With Quote
scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  May 2,2010, 9:35am

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

Unregistered

Joined: Apr 2009

Where the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky

Posts: 10,721

See profile

agreed. It's pretty tacky, and I'm not a prude or anything.

how old is this guy? 16?
 
  Reply With Quote
MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #5  May 2,2010, 9:35am
MelinCali's Avatar

is moving!

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Earth

Posts: 8,113

See profile

I am not a prude, but this sounds weird to me. I certainly would not go for the idea -- I mean, come on! You only met once after being complete strangers who met on the internet. It's making you uncomfortable for good reason. Don't let someone else create doubt in your mind about what's right for you.

It sounds like he is looking more for some kind of physical gratification than an emotional connection with you, so I don't think you really have something here to build on. It's important that you be true to yourself and find someone who is going to cherish who you are, so move on and don't look back at this one.
 
  Reply With Quote
scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  May 2,2010, 9:38am

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

Unregistered

Joined: Apr 2009

Where the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky

Posts: 10,721

See profile

one good thing about the internet is that it exposes people's quirks, kinks, weirdness and social awkwardness so much faster!
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  May 2,2010, 9:39am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

I agree with the others. Weird dude
 
  Reply With Quote
MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #8  May 2,2010, 9:40am
MelinCali's Avatar

is moving!

Power Poster

Joined: Nov 2008

Earth

Posts: 8,113

See profile

Lorelai wrote :
Am I being too much of a prude here? I don't think there's anything wrong with it -- it's certainly the safest form of sex! But I don't feel like I'm ready to sleep with him in real life, and that feeling kind of carries over to the virtual world as well. And I really hope I didn't offend him -- I do feel attraction and enjoy sex a great deal, but just not right away.

Thanks for any input.
BTW -- safe from STDs, yes, but not really all that safe if you had that webcam and were to trust a total stranger by engaging in some virtual sex with him. I have no idea of the capacity for someone to record that sort of thing, but I would be tremendously worried that it is a real possibility and you could find yourself in danger of being a new internet "star".

Someone who knows more about computers might correct me on that, but I perceive that as a huge risk.
 
  Reply With Quote
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  May 2,2010, 9:40am
Nanette's Avatar

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,451

See profile

Lorelai wrote :
All right.. a gentleman who lives about five hours away drove to meet me. We got along well in my opinion. It wasn't a very long date, but I did feel a spark. We kissed, but that was it. I do not like to rush things physically in a relationship -- and since we've only had one date I can't really call it a "relationship" anyway. When it comes to someone who I might want to have a relationship with I don't want to fall in lust so fast that I neglect getting to know the person and end up in a relationship entirely based on sex.

After he went back home, we spoke online and he first asked if I had a webcam, and when I explained that I didn't, attempted to initiate cybersex anyway. I've never had phone sex with someone who I wasn't in a relationship with, nor has virtual sex happened before real sex, but he does live quite a distance away. I didn't feel comfortable with it, and tried to explain gently that I wasn't interested in doing that, but wanted to take the time to get to know him, as well as saying that I did feel we had chemistry.

He said he understood. He hasn't emailed or called since.

Am I being too much of a prude here? I don't think there's anything wrong with it -- it's certainly the safest form of sex! But I don't feel like I'm ready to sleep with him in real life, and that feeling kind of carries over to the virtual world as well. And I really hope I didn't offend him -- I do feel attraction and enjoy sex a great deal, but just not right away.

Thanks for any input.

No. Do what you feel comfortable with. I would give a if i offended him.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  May 2,2010, 9:41am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

MelinCali wrote :
BTW -- safe from STDs, yes, but not really all that safe if you had that webcam and were to trust a total stranger by engaging in some virtual sex with him. I have no idea of the capacity for someone to record that sort of thing, but I would be tremendously worried that it is a real possibility and you could find yourself in danger of being a new internet "star".

Someone who knows more about computers might correct me on that, but I perceive that as a huge risk.
Quite correct.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« This has happened a couple times | Dating | first dates and dressing »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Holding out for love at first sight is ambitious when you're young and a sign of arrested development when you're middle aged D_Lion Dating 85 December 7,2010 3:28pm
Question about possibly meeting a long distance match Sawyer76 Dating 20 October 8,2010 9:59am
Inappropriate behavior for first time meeting Rena450 Ask a Dating Expert 28 March 5,2010 2:12am
Meeting the most nervous part? goosielucy Dating 26 February 9,2010 7:36am
Meeting with an ex. shoopthedoop Dating 18 November 10,2009 1:21pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Come on, just because the guy is old and hasn't dated doesn't make him a toad. Lots of people have divorced and not dated in years due to job, kids, or whatever. You said he seemed nice. Maybe he is ... ” –  Altair

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“No, you have missed the point entirely. (Which is again evidence that raising children is far easier than most things.) Only a tiny fraction of motivated, able people succeed in reaching space. ... ” –  scubaroo

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“You need to try harder ... cus harder is always mo bettah!” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“I went hunting the other day and I bagged a deer.” –  myusernamehere

Join the “Good News” discussion

“Well, I'd start by trying to learn the reason. If he doesn't like "desk jobs," or respect corporations for perceived ethics, then maybe an entreprenurial venture is more his style? If he simply ... ” –  D_Lion

Join the “How to motivate a person?” discussion

“How to be happy with him? Chicks dig firefighters ...” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Ways to motivate him?” discussion

“Hi Suzanne, please see comments below in red. Overall, you seem to be a deep, sensitive and spiritual person. You have interesting hobbies and occupations. Remember there are hundreds and thousands ... ” –  SearchingHoping

Join the “Seeking review of my profile: 52 yr old woman, Pittsburgh area” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:37pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0