To write or not to write...that is the question


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faith_2share is offline faith_2share Post #1  May 1,2010, 1:45pm
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I am wondering if there any "rules" for a girl to follow when it comes to writing and waiting to hear back from a guy.

No gal that I know would, when seeking to establish a relationship with a guy intentionally set out to be annoying by not giving the guy enough space. And by the same token, she would not deliberately intend to appear unintersted. Yet, I think I am accurate in saying that we have all done both at one time or another. Either we wrote to soon or too often causing the guy to feel "smothered" OR we did not reply often enough and hence the guy thought we were not serious about the relationship.

It is proving to be my experience that finding the happy medium between "less in more" and "never having enough of a good thing" can be quite the balancing act. Communciating in person is easier in my opinion, simple because one can read the other person's body language and tone and get non-verbal ques as to how much space a person needs or wants. However, online relationships lack that form of detailed expression. I for one am finding online dating rather complicated, especially in this area.

I would ask, both guys and gals in the Avice Board community to shed light on the subeject and post their thoughts on the matter.
Last edited by faith_2share; May 1,2010 at 1:49pm.
 
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Buck is offline Buck Post #2  May 1,2010, 2:10pm
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Oh my dear ... you don't know what you're in for. I suggest not reading any of the following answers and simply doing what feels good for you.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  May 1,2010, 2:23pm
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I will break this down into three areas:

- First, do what you like and are comfortable with, and trust that this will yield compatible partners.

- Second, observe basic good manners and decency. If you wouldn't do something to a family member, why would you think a date would like it?

- Third, recognize and adapt to what your matches are doing. You know, "When in Rome a wise man does as the Roman's do," and all.
 
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Buck is offline Buck Post #4  May 1,2010, 2:29pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I will break this down into three areas:

- First, do what you like and are comfortable with, and trust that this will yield compatible partners.

- Second, observe basic good manners and decency. If you wouldn't do something to a family member, why would you think a date would like it?

- Third, recognize and adapt to what your matches are doing. You know, "When in Rome a wise man does as the Roman's do," and all.
I take back part of my response. Please do read and pay attention to this one.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  May 1,2010, 2:30pm
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Oops, forgot:

In my opinion, who should not play games by deliberately trying to manipulate the other party. Controlling the timing of messages deliberately, would be playing games.

Doing something based on a gender role, or perceived perception of one, is a bad idea unless you wish only partners who are going to expect you to sustain that role.

As for some good "rules":

When I had multiple communicating women, I generally answered first those who wrote most recently, so that I was replying quickly to those who replied quickly to me. I believe that momentum counts for a lot, and should be sustained.

When a woman wrote a long, complicated e-mail, I might send a quick reply and say I would be making a longer replay addressing her points later on.

I always answered each question or point posed in a message (even though few women did this.)

When I had a point of confusion or felt that momentum was failing, I tried to ignore it and keep on a steady pace. Often, such things would recover naturally.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #6  May 1,2010, 3:04pm
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i keep things brief and respond within 24 hours, usually sometime the next day.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  May 1,2010, 3:05pm
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if i had to make an error, it would be on the side of writing less
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  May 1,2010, 3:09pm
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Nanette wrote :
i keep things brief and respond within 24 hours, usually sometime the next day.
Nanette wrote :
if i had to make an error, it would be on the side of writing less

I agree with both these points.

I am a strong believer in communicating less, and meeting as soon as possible.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #9  May 1,2010, 3:17pm
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Nanette wrote :
i keep things brief and respond within 24 hours, usually sometime the next day.
Nanette wrote :
if i had to make an error, it would be on the side of writing less
I agree with this, too. If it's a text message, I try to respond sooner than 24 hours.

If I'm communicating with someone and they don't follow this pattern, I don't necessarily assume that he's not that interested or too busy for a relationship. Everyone's style is different.

Last edited by lacedwithhope; May 1,2010 at 3:19pm.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  May 1,2010, 5:41pm
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I am not sure exactly what stage of the "relationship" we are in when all this writing is going on.

I am also not sure how writing sooner is encroaching on someone's space and if I delay writing then it is giving them more space. The beauty of e-mail is that if I need more space and choose to not check my e-mail for two days the full message that you sent is still there for me when I do decide to read it. On the other hand if you send an e-mail and then a few hours later send another asking why I have not responded to your first one then you are getting a bit possessive. If it was really important that I respond right away then you should have called.

As for showing interest if I send you an e-mail and you wait several days to respond then I have no choice but to interpret that as a lack of interest.
 
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