Playing games or just insecure?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
bella8bella is offline bella8bella Post #1  May 1,2010, 12:21am
bella8bella's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 28

See profile

Hi - I am hoping for some input, thank you in advance. I have been seeing a match for about a month and we recently had the discussion where we stopped communicating with other people. He said he decided I was the one he wanted to focus on and I felt the same.

The next day we were thinking of things to do and he said "If we do that, you'll have to be seen in public with me. People might look at us and wonder what you're doing with me" which I thought he was just making a joke (because we have been in public together several times already). But then today he mentioned it again asking if I was sure I'd be okay being seen in public with him. He also said something to the effect of "if you'll be around in the future. You might wake up one day and decide you've changed your mind". I told him that wasn't likely because I'm not fickle like that. He also said something about me being around 2 weeks from now, then followed it with "That's rather presumptuous for me to think you'll still be around 2 weeks from now". I don't understand what is going on! I told him I had stopped communicating with other people and he told me the same so it seemed like we were on the same page. But now with these comments I don't know if he's trying to warn me or if he's insecure or what.

The thing is I really like him. We are so similar and I enjoy being around him. I don't play games with people and this is starting to feel like a game to me. I have never had a problem being seen with him in public, so why is it being brought up now? Maybe he is the one who doesn't want to be seen with me! And yes, I will ask him these things, just want other opinions too.
 
  Reply With Quote
gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #2  May 1,2010, 12:48am
gothustartus's Avatar

is thinking about someone special

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2009

London, England

Posts: 1,753

See profile

Sounds like he has definite self image/worthiness/abandonment issues, i wouldn't call it game playing because a guy would have to be insane to play a game like that, sooner or later it is bound to drive the other person away just to have some respite from giving constant reassurance to a needy sponge.
 
  Reply With Quote
nemolovich is offline nemolovich Post #3  May 1,2010, 1:11am
nemolovich's Avatar

is at home.

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 24

See profile

hey there. I was reading your post, made me think of a situation I had. I am a guy and recently met someone on eHarmony. We have been chatting for over a month. I thought she was perfect, and she was, everything I was looking for. We both had good conversation, everything was great. Then things started to get more serious and I started to feel a little stressed out about the commitment part. Why? I don't know, I guess because now I have to let somebody into my world, and it meant giving up some control in my life. So I started to make stupid comments like "you have to open up more" because I was looking to her to validate my feelings of uncertainty. Meanwhile she was very communicative and everything. Ofcourse she was right when she said I was trying to rush things too much.

But I didn't get it and I think I let the stress of this situation get the best of me, and so told her I think it's best if we go our seperate ways. Oops, I think I might of screwed this one up for good because she didn't like that...
Last edited by nemolovich; May 1,2010 at 1:15am.
 
  Reply With Quote
trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #4  May 1,2010, 2:39am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

London

Posts: 4,703

See profile

He's going to be hard work Bella and it's going to require the patience of a saint, but if you like him and you're up for that, then I wish you the very best of luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #5  May 1,2010, 3:11am
szgorzelski's Avatar

is on beercation.

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2010

Fort Eustis, VA

Posts: 1,413

See profile

It's pretty simple, he has low self esteem. He's looking for confidence boosts from you like "you are are handsome", etc. He's fishing for compliments so he knows that you really do like him. This type of behaviour seldom changes, so if you're up to being with a guy who has confidence issues, go for it.
 
  Reply With Quote
Nanette is offline Nanette Post #6  May 1,2010, 4:48am
Nanette's Avatar

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,451

See profile

any of the above or that you will boost his ego for a time and then he will think badly of you for being with him and wonder whats wrong with you and leave.

i'd cut my losses. this is something he needs to deal with outside of a relationship. i'm sure its a pattern.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  May 1,2010, 5:24am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,677

See profile

Sounds more like immaturity, to me.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  May 1,2010, 7:37am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

nemolovich wrote :
...
But I didn't get it and I think I let the stress of this situation get the best of me, and so told her I think it's best if we go our separate ways. Oops, I think I might of screwed this one up for good because she didn't like that...
I always take what my matches / dates say as being honest. So if someone told me this I would have moved on by this time.

Sorry that you messed up your relationship but you have issues that you need to get worked out before you start dating again.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  May 1,2010, 7:42am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

I have to ask, just how long have you been going with this guy before deciding that you want to be exclusive with each other?

I sure don't see this a any kind of game playing. This guy has issues that are going to take a lot of work on his part before he is going to be a viable partner for a relationship. I might even suspect that he may be off his meds.

Personal suggestion in this case, I would run.
 
  Reply With Quote
dogwood is offline dogwood Post #10  May 1,2010, 8:20am
dogwood's Avatar

HAPPY HOLIDAYS :)

Enthusiast

Joined: Apr 2010

Posts: 525

See profile

gothustartus wrote :
Sounds like he has definite self image/worthiness/abandonment issues, i wouldn't call it game playing because a guy would have to be insane to play a game like that, sooner or later it is bound to drive the other person away just to have some respite from giving constant reassurance to a needy sponge.

it is interesting how people who have good health and no mental illness, whether genetic or in response to horrifying experiences like war or being beaten nearly to death by people they love, are spoken of so disdainfully by those who have had easier, more comfortable lives than they. don't ever bash people who have to take medication to cope with life through no fault of their own or really even those who do have fault in their mental capacity.

must be nice to be healthy. i wonder how that feels??!!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Private Relationships. | Dating | to comply with girl's opinion »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Please tell me... is this guy playing games with me? alana01 Dating 42 March 5,2010 1:30pm
Playing GAMES or keeping Interest? jussmile Dating 52 February 19,2010 7:00pm
Ladies...stop playing games!!! rRACINGRANDY Dating 32 February 17,2010 8:26pm
How to stop a woman from playing games pilotlearning Ask a Dating Expert 26 January 18,2010 6:12pm
Playing games....or subtext communication? jayjay Dating 133 September 20,2009 9:45pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Come on, just because the guy is old and hasn't dated doesn't make him a toad. Lots of people have divorced and not dated in years due to job, kids, or whatever. You said he seemed nice. Maybe he is ... ” –  Altair

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“No, you have missed the point entirely. (Which is again evidence that raising children is far easier than most things.) Only a tiny fraction of motivated, able people succeed in reaching space. ... ” –  scubaroo

Join the “who pays?” discussion

“You need to try harder ... cus harder is always mo bettah!” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Friday Night Roll Call !!! Sweaty Summer Fun edition!” discussion

“I went hunting the other day and I bagged a deer.” –  myusernamehere

Join the “Good News” discussion

“Well, I'd start by trying to learn the reason. If he doesn't like "desk jobs," or respect corporations for perceived ethics, then maybe an entreprenurial venture is more his style? If he simply ... ” –  D_Lion

Join the “How to motivate a person?” discussion

“How to be happy with him? Chicks dig firefighters ...” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Ways to motivate him?” discussion

“Hi Suzanne, please see comments below in red. Overall, you seem to be a deep, sensitive and spiritual person. You have interesting hobbies and occupations. Remember there are hundreds and thousands ... ” –  SearchingHoping

Join the “Seeking review of my profile: 52 yr old woman, Pittsburgh area” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:35pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0