Have you used the "I'm Not Feeling Well" excuse and what does it mean?


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2099 is offline 2099 Post #1  April 29,2010, 8:21pm
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I've been on the site for about ten months and find it time consuming to get to open communication and begin having phone conversations, sending emails, etc. I recently had two matches that started the communication process and when we were ready for the first date they each sent a text saying they were "not feeling well" and would have to reschedule. Months ago I would have sent a "Sure, hope you feel better" type of response, but lately I'm starting to believe it's a poor excuse so I simply send out a "Sure" type of response and wait for them to get back to me. Well, I never heard back from #1 and #2 did get back to me and we rescheduled. Two days later when it was time for the date I received another text saying she was canceling since I didn't contact her over that two day period.

So my questions....Have you used this line in the past and if so why? If you have really been sick do you expect someone you have never met to call/text you while you are most likely resting. And what's the deal with crazy #2?

-- Mr. "I've only been sick twice in the past ten years"
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  April 29,2010, 8:56pm
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Hmmm.... I'm sure this means something different for different people, and I've never canceled on a first date, but for me it would mean that I don't dare venture too far away from my own bathroom. I am sick quite frequently, probably from lots of job-related stress.

Your response of "Sure" sounds very unsympathetic if someone really is sick. It sounds like you might have been a bit unlucky here with match #1, but you should really give the benefit of the doubt. What does it hurt to wish someone to feel better versus just saying "sure"? I can't see why you would drop the ball after so much time and effort to get through OC if it is someone you are genuinely interested in who could really have the flu, a touch of food poisoning or whatever. You would come across as an uncaring person with that sort of curt response, and that might be reason enough for her to not want to pursue rescheduling the date. Follow up and see if she is feeling better, why don't you? Women are looking for a man who will stick with her in sickness and in health, so you need to show that you care when she's sick. Not contacting match #2 between her saying she was ill and the time of the rescheduled date might have, in her mind, made you seem a little cold and uncaring, especially if you didn't express the sentiment of hoping she is feeling better.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #3  April 29,2010, 9:03pm
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There are reasons why women in particular might not be "feeling well" that they don't want to have to spell out, i would tend to offer best wishes for a swift recovery and reschedule for a later date if i didn't want her to think she's going to get blown off for a week every month.
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #4  April 29,2010, 9:13pm
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If I tell someone I'm not feeling well, it's because I'm not feeling well. I'd be annoyed if they didn't believe me (or hurt if it was someone who knew me well enough that they ought to know better).
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #5  April 29,2010, 9:14pm
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Only once have I ever had to tell a date I was feeling sick, however it wasn't before a first date, it was at the end of one. The guy was so creepy, he literally made me sick to my stomach. My gut was screaming at me that there was something seriously wrong with that man. I told him I did not feel well and he should take me home (one of the only times I made the mistake of letting a first date pick me up). When we got to my house I told him again how queasy I felt as I went to get out of the car... and he still tried to kiss me.

Blech. I feel queasy just thinking about him again.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  April 30,2010, 4:14am
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If a person cancels a date because they're "not feeling well" and doesn't offer up an alternative, then they're flaking out on you.

And no, let's not start another flaky person thread.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  April 30,2010, 4:51am
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When I tell a guy that I need to reschedule because I'm not feeling well it's because I'm not feeling well. However, if he then comes across as cold and uncaring, does not bother to contact me again or ask how I'm doing, or otherwise I get the sense that he is so jaded and insecure that he does not really believe me.....there is no point in meeting a guy like that and pursuing anything further with him. He just showed me his colors and they are not pretty.

Sure, you will come across women who use "not feeling well" as a last minute excuse to ditch you, but be very very careful that you don't punish the next woman for it or it will kill your dating life.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #8  April 30,2010, 7:30am
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It could have been her way of coming up with an excuse, but you just never know and you have to give them the benefit of the doubt. Instead of saying, "Sure" I would have said, "I'm sorry you're feeling sick. Give me a call when you're feeling better." Then if she never calls, then you know she was just using it as an excuse.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #9  April 30,2010, 8:03am
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Well, I use that excuse when it's true. Period. If you choose not to respond after that, or maintain any contact, or otherwise play games with it, maybe you are reading too much into this.......

Look, if I bail for not feeling well, I will tell you, and offer to reschedule, but don't be trying to nail me down to a date and time when I feel poorly enough to bail on you...... so if I say try me again in a couple of days, that's just the truth. Up to you whether you do it or not.

If you are operating on some sort of "I do this, then I expect this response and if I don't get it, well the person is not interested" that only works if you are playing by the same set of "rules" and you know, most people are not.

In my book, you can't go wrong being polite, and nice about things. Consistently. Just because there are people that use this as a convenient excuse, well that does not mean that it is universal.....

Don't assume.

JMHO

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Don't read too much into this, if your first instinct is to say "Hope you are feeling better" then do that.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  April 30,2010, 8:59am
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Since you haven't met them, why not just take what they say at face value? Say "sorry you're sick, please call when you're well so we can reschedule".

I don't think you need to call a stranger to check on them after you've said this. You could though.

The point of all this EH stuff is to meet someone and fall in love, right? Why not act in a way that's most likely to help that along? Who cares if you get blown off once in awhile? Until you meet and are starting to know each other, they're strangers ... not someone you need to be vulnerable to.
 
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