Monogomy...Who Should Initiate This Conversation?


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FebruaryStars is offline FebruaryStars Post #1  April 28,2010, 2:13pm
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This is kind of a spin off of the exclusive thread. Who should initiate the "monogamy conversation?" (Without scaring the other person away?)

I am asking because awhile back, I dated a guy for about a month. I asked him about his expectations regarding the relationship and monogamy. He said he was having fun and didn't have any expectations. This is pretty much the story of my love life.

Obviously a good time to ask about monogomy is pre-sex, but I have yet to meet a guy that will initiate this conversation.

Your thoughts?
Last edited by FebruaryStars; April 28,2010 at 7:04pm. Reason: Felt like it
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  April 28,2010, 2:20pm
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wait till they initiate the convo. thats my thought
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  April 28,2010, 2:24pm
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Either party.

Whever cares more about it.

As you can see from your experience, you should.
 
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FebruaryStars is offline FebruaryStars Post #4  April 28,2010, 4:10pm
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Nanette wrote :
wait till they initiate the convo. thats my thought
Let's say you go out on 7 dates, you have made out, but not had sex yet...but things are getting there. I just have never had a guy start this convo...EVER....if I am choosing to not go further with someone I usually like to say why, but then that feels kind of like an ultimatum.

I think it's hopeless
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  April 28,2010, 4:18pm
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you can wait longer than 7 dates. if you dont want to do that i would just bring it up. if he doesnt agree to exclusivity or acts like its an ultimatum and reacts accordingly, i think you have valuable information there to make some decisions about the relationship. i never worry about losing someone that isnt worried about losing me.
 
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rix is offline rix Post #6  April 28,2010, 4:27pm
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Unless you live in Utah, I would assume monogamy was pretty much a given!
 
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FebruaryStars is offline FebruaryStars Post #7  April 28,2010, 4:33pm
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rix wrote :
Unless you live in Utah, I would assume monogamy was pretty much a given!
lol....no it's worse....California...one would think monogomy would be a given, but it doesn't seem to be the case.
 
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FebruaryStars is offline FebruaryStars Post #8  April 28,2010, 4:36pm
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Nanette wrote :
i never worry about losing someone that isnt worried about losing me.
I totally agree, it just seems that I always have to start this convo and afterwards it seems like there is an added pressure for the guy. I guess its a good way to lose a loser.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #9  April 28,2010, 4:43pm

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FebruaryStars wrote :
This is kind of a spin off of the exclusive thread. Who should initiate the "monogomy conversation?" (Without scaring the other person away?)
Off the top of my head don't call it monogamy. That scares people. Go with exclusive, most people are used to that.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #10  April 28,2010, 4:46pm
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FebruaryStars wrote :
I totally agree, it just seems that I always have to start this convo and afterwards it seems like there is an added pressure for the guy. I guess its a good way to lose a loser.
maybe waiting longer helps too. that at least gives him time to decide if thats what he really wants, so when you ask him he'll be better prepared to make a decision and not feel pressure over it.

i'm of the opinion, though, that most guys know right away if they really want to be with you, and they'll want monogamy enough to bring it up.
 
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