LoveSong is offline LoveSong Post #1  April 27,2010, 3:56pm
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Hi Forum. It's been almost a year since I have been here.

Here is my story: I like a guy (online) that lives really far away. I am a female (if that matters).
He is very apprehensive about meeting in person because of the distance. I personally don't care about that. I wish I could just forget about it but I can't. I would be willing to move, but I don't want to scare him off and admit that so soon. We are just online friends, not in a relationship or anything of that nature.

Here is my question: Should I keep pushing it? When I ask him he says he is open to the idea but not concrete with it. I have some time off of work soon and it would be a great time for traveling. I rather not fly completely to him if he is not that interested. It would be great if he would meet me halfway, so it shows 'some' interest on his side.
Either way I can't stop thinking about it because I hate to lose out on something that could turn into something great.
It's a tough situation meeting someone from the internet when long plane rides are involved. Suppose you fly all the way out there, and they flake. Yet still ultimately worth the risk. I mean what's the point of talking online so much if your not going to go through with eventually meeting face to face?
It's twisted how such a strong urge can develop over chatting online, even over nonsense chit chat most of the time.
Anyone experience something similar?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  April 27,2010, 3:59pm
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Is this like a confession?

I strongly favor direct, specifc questions about the elephant in the room, when there is in fact a giant elephant in the room. Such as this case.

Distance is real. Discuss it.
 
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LoveSong is offline LoveSong Post #3  April 27,2010, 4:00pm
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possibly. did i put this in the wrong place? i forgot how this forum works.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  April 27,2010, 4:06pm
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its not a relationship, at least you realize that.

and even if you meet once, it doesnt mean you will hit it off. if he is "afraid" to meet, I suspect that there is something else going on with him. i dont think i would be afraid of letting the guy go if he were that casual about it.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  April 27,2010, 4:08pm
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Oops ... forgot your question!

I suggest some questions to clarify the matter:

- How often do you wish to see your partner, or feel you need to see your partner, to sustain a relationship?

- Can either / both of you afford to travel at that rate? (I could not.)

- Are you able to miss work, as necessary to do so? (I could not.)

- Are you both sufficiently invested in the other, from the motivational perspective, to warrant not searching for others (and paying the expense)? (I would not.)

***

If the above get a passing grade, then I would think about how to plan one exploratory meeting - essential for judging attraction and face to face conversation.

My personal view is that this is a shared cost. That it is you traveling is fine (and necessary if personal factors in both of your schedules make that wise), but that decision is not in fact material to the question of who pays.

As to where to meet, I would let this be decided by work schedules, and air cost. It will usually be cheapest for one person to go all the way to the other (one ticket, no hotels, some meals at home.)

Another option that can make sense is not to meet "in the middle," but someplace that has a lot of competition in the traval market, such as Orlando or Las Vegas, as costs are often lower.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #6  April 27,2010, 4:21pm
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LoveSong wrote :
It's a tough situation meeting someone from the internet when long plane rides are involved.
It is ... you'll need to address his issues directly with him, unfortunately.

LoveSong wrote :
Anyone experience something similar?
Yup.
 
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LoveSong is offline LoveSong Post #7  April 27,2010, 4:24pm
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^ yes, I said "midway" but that included another main city that would be somewhere each of us does not live. it's really hard for me to 'let go' of the idea. the only thing that can stop it is if he ultimately does not want to meet. i can't force it. of course we don't know if we will hit it off in real life, but i am willing to take that chance. why get out of the game before u have a chance to lose?
and i would not 'stay' at his place dlion. we don't know each other that well. but to ur questions, i got the passing grade but i am not sure i understand the last question.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  April 27,2010, 4:28pm
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Is this person going to see only you despite the cost, time apart, and increased probability that, ultimately, no relationship will develop?

I know, that even when people say yes, this is a large risk to take.

Not discussing it, though, doesn't make it go away.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  April 27,2010, 4:28pm
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well if he starts to actually act like he doesnt want to miss out on something potentially great at some point i would consider *maybe* meeting him halfway, but i just dont get that feeling from your post.

if you tell him you want to meet theres a chance that he will just let the burden be on you to travel. idk it wouldnt be worth it to me.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #10  April 27,2010, 4:29pm

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LoveSong - I am with Nanette in being concerned that he does not want to meet. I find that a little odd...especially from a guy, since I think a woman would be more content with a writing relationship versus an face to face relationship.

Have you tried to skype with him? If he refuses to skype, then I would think something is fishy.

If you want to meet him, and it sounds like you do, I would just plan a trip to go out his way, get your own hotel room, plan on other outings for you to do on your own and plan a date/time specifically to meet him.

Good luck to you.
 
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