If I knew then... what I know now... Dating would be different!


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  April 26,2010, 2:07pm
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I went out to lunch with LD (lawyer dude) today... it was a very interesting lunch. I dated LD back when I first started dating after my divorce. He is a very pleasant guy. Really nice, very smart. I had just decided after a few dates, that he was not in my top "3" of people I wanted to date, so told him that I would not be able to continue to see him as the interest was not there. He wanted to remain friends, and we have been in touch ever since, and have gone out (I would say "as friends" a few times... I would say that, but he did pay for the dinner, so maybe that wouldn't count). Anyway, so I digress...

I was just thinking, why didn't I give LD a chance. He is so nice, why didn't he make the cut. Then, I started thinking about the other guys that I dated when I was new into the dating scene, who I decided not to continue dating, and whether my criteria and wants versus needs are the same now as they were when I first became single again. I don't think they are the same. I actually think my dating preferences, to some extent, have evolved over the last several months. Maybe it is because I'm now an "experienced" dater, and have more of an idea of who is actually out there, versus this fairy tale dream that I initially had, or maybe, I have just evolved as I have gotten more and more comfortable with what I offer and what I am willing to accept in return. Maybe some of both. But, as I think about some of the guys who didn't get second and third dates... and then some of the guys who did... I just think my story would be completely different had I met some of the guys during this current stage in my life.

If I knew then what I know now... I would know that there are no perfect guys, and if I hold off and wait for perfection... that day would (probably/possibly) never come.

No question... just sharing.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #2  April 26,2010, 2:24pm
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jussmile wrote :
If I knew then what I know now... I would know that there are no perfect guys, and if I hold off and wait for perfection... that day would (probably/possibly) never come.
You should have asked me. I could have told you this back then :P

I could have also told you that it doesn't matter who/what is "out there." We're not shopping for a car here. Either the shoe fits, or it doesn't.
 
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jsbach is offline jsbach Post #3  April 26,2010, 2:31pm
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ThePriestess wrote :
You should have asked me. I could have told you this back then :P

I could have also told you that it doesn't matter who/what is "out there." We're not shopping for a car here. Either the shoe fits, or it doesn't.
Wise words, TP.

And to the OP, bravo for you! You are learning and sharing.

Although there are no perfect people, some are a better "fit."
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #4  April 26,2010, 5:54pm
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jsbach wrote :
Wise words, TP.

And to the OP, bravo for you! You are learning and sharing.

Although there are no perfect people, some are a better "fit."
I guess my point was that what I considered to be a better "fit" has changed after months of dating. Looking back, individuals that I thought were not such a good fit, were probably a better fit than I had given them credit for. Although there are people who have dated much longer than I have, I do think that dating preferences evolve over time for people. This could be because of the dating pool, and our expectations when we first start dating, and I could be attributed to the fact that we change and evolve from when we first start dating to when we become... errr... more "experienced" daters.

I guess, I just think that dating experiences make you appreciate things that you might not have appreciated earlier. I think about one guy that I let "get away" and I think about him now, and the things that bothered me, not such a big deal. I'm sure I'm not alone. We all let a few guys get away... there are so many birds in the bush... it's easy to overlook what's in front of you as not being suitable.

Or, maybe it is just me...
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #5  April 26,2010, 6:35pm
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It's great you're evolving, as you get to know yourself better with each encounter. If you're like me, you're learning what doesn't work! LOL

More importantly, you bring up the issue of timing. It's taken me years to realize that timing may be just as important as compatibility. Timing in terms of what phase in their dating journey a person is in, what stage in life they've reached, and what they're ready for in terms of a relationship. It's not just about whether you get along, IMO.

Back then you weren't ready to consider more than friendship with your attorney pal. With different timing, I think a new dynamic can form compared to before.

The only negative aspect I've seen are those who lement about that 'one who got away.' I always feel sorry for folks who do this, and wonder if they've built up that long lost love's good qualities in their mind. Regardless, a person can't really force the timing issue, just as we can't really plot out our journey. It just evolves, doncha think?
Last edited by lacedwithhope; April 26,2010 at 6:44pm. Reason: Wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then...
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #6  April 26,2010, 7:04pm

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jussmile wrote :
I went out to lunch with LD
My heart skipped a beat. I misread and thought you had gone out with DL(ion)!
 
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scorpiox10 is offline scorpiox10 Post #7  April 27,2010, 2:48am
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Sometimes when we first become single after a separation or divorce it takes time to heal and learn what you are looking for now as opposed to before you were married. It might take 2 years for this to happen. I know it's too soon for me, but am willing to date casually, men that I am somewhat attracted to. You never know if they might turn out to be so special you can overlook things you never thought you would. Or if you are good friends why not get really drunk and have a good time together and see where things may lead. It might turn out to be the best sex of your life then you'd know if something was there or wasn't. If all else fails you can always find a new friend, but if he turned out to be the one then you'd have found something better.
 
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deegoesgreen is offline deegoesgreen Post #8  April 27,2010, 5:40am
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Thanks for sharing your experience. I can sure identify with portions of it here and there. Who I was when I first attempted dating 8 years ago to who I am now, well, it's quite a significant change. One, I'm not such a scaredy cat.
As for looking back at anyone who had potential (for LTR), but who didn't pan out, yeah, just one. And that was all on me, really. Hope I didn't blow my only chance! God help us older gals. I've discovered knowing what I'm aiming for means so much more now. Timing, patience, persistence.

Good luck!
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #9  April 27,2010, 5:41am
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Kinda illustrates that there is wisdom, too, in not burning bridges with someone who decided not to date you if you really liked that person.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #10  April 27,2010, 5:49am
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PY_2 wrote :
My heart skipped a beat. I misread and thought you had gone out with DL(ion)!
Didn't we have an LD at one time?
 
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