If I knew then... what I know now... Dating would be different!


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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #11  April 27,2010, 7:10am
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So ... are you going to ask LD out on a date?
 
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ARareJewel is offline ARareJewel Post #12  April 27,2010, 7:28am
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Don't dout yourself, if you believed back in the day that LD "wasn't the one" then, MOST LIKELY he wasn't the one for you for one reason or another. Settling for someone you think could be the one isn't a wise choice to make if you are truely looking to be happy for the long haul of life.
LD makes a good friend for you now because he fills a need within you that a good friend would fill in you if you were only selecting him as a friend in the first place. The 6th sense within all of us knows when he or she is the "right one" or not, don't second guess it! We need to learn to trust this 6th sense within us and maybe we would make better choices for ourselves. So enjoy LD as your friend and don't second guess yourself.
And really, how far did he really get away jussmile? He's still your friend. If it's meant to be more then a friendship between the two of you then, the relationship will take it there on its own niether of you would have to guild your relationship to that level if it were really meant to be there.
True, we all change as we get older but the main foundation of ourselves, our true selves never really change that much from the original core that makes us, us! Life just twicks it a bit as we travel our journey through life.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #13  April 27,2010, 7:41am
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jussmile wrote :
I went out to lunch with LD (lawyer dude) today... it was a very interesting lunch. I dated LD back when I first started dating after my divorce. He is a very pleasant guy. Really nice, very smart. I had just decided after a few dates, that he was not in my top "3" of people I wanted to date, so told him that I would not be able to continue to see him as the interest was not there. He wanted to remain friends, and we have been in touch ever since, and have gone out (I would say "as friends" a few times... I would say that, but he did pay for the dinner, so maybe that wouldn't count). Anyway, so I digress...

I was just thinking, why didn't I give LD a chance. He is so nice, why didn't he make the cut. Then, I started thinking about the other guys that I dated when I was new into the dating scene, who I decided not to continue dating, and whether my criteria and wants versus needs are the same now as they were when I first became single again. I don't think they are the same. I actually think my dating preferences, to some extent, have evolved over the last several months. Maybe it is because I'm now an "experienced" dater, and have more of an idea of who is actually out there, versus this fairy tale dream that I initially had, or maybe, I have just evolved as I have gotten more and more comfortable with what I offer and what I am willing to accept in return. Maybe some of both. But, as I think about some of the guys who didn't get second and third dates... and then some of the guys who did... I just think my story would be completely different had I met some of the guys during this current stage in my life.

If I knew then what I know now... I would know that there are no perfect guys, and if I hold off and wait for perfection... that day would (probably/possibly) never come.

No question... just sharing.


I am impressed ....you have been listening to me and learning )

You have to look beyond the superficial qualities and really look at who the person is, their values, ideals, and goals are. And how they match with yours. Everyone has benefits and everyone has faults.

I would suggest you say this to him and I have a feeling he will persue something with you---only if you are serious and he isnt dating someone.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #14  April 27,2010, 7:59am
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ami1uwant wrote :
I am impressed ....you have been listening to me and learning )

You have to look beyond the superficial qualities and really look at who the person is, their values, ideals, and goals are. And how they match with yours. Everyone has benefits and everyone has faults.

I would suggest you say this to him and I have a feeling he will persue something with you---only if you are serious and he isnt dating someone.
I think you are misunderstanding me... the qualities and traits that I have talked about in the past still matter... and are still important in any relationship that I am looking for. It's just the things that didn't matter as much, that I wasn't sure about, that I have figured out... don't matter as much ... okay, if that makes any sense.

We all have our columns of wants and needs... my needs have not changed... I've just realized that things that I thought I wanted, are not necessarily important. It's not settling, it's just evolving. The needs are still there... which you might consider potentially "superficial" qualities. I'm okay with that because I think that everyone's preferences are important to them. That's what matters, no one's is more "right" than anyone else's.

As for LD, yes, he would jump on a relationship if I ever asked him for one. I am not going to pursue a relationship with him because I am already seeing someone. I was just thinking while hanging out with him, that he is such a sweet guy, I think had I been in the current mindset when I originally dated him, I probably would have given him more of a chance. I am glad that we have our friendship though.

The one that got away was TD (technology dude). I tried writing him after OD and I broke up, but he wasn't having it. I chose OD over him, and I don't think he appreciated that. Had I known then what I know now...

I never look back with regret though, only as an opportunity to learn and grow from those experiences.
 
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