Start like a wildfire = fast burnout?


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TXButtercup is offline TXButtercup Post #1  April 25,2010, 8:17am
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I am interested in hearing about others experiences in dating relationships that seemed to take off very fast.

1. Were both of you moving it that fast or one person moving fast and other following?
2. Did it burn out fast or did it last?
3. Did you make any attempt to slow it down? If so, what was the impact?
 
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username_already_exists is offline username_already_exists Post #2  April 25,2010, 8:39am
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I have had a couple that took off very fast - and one of those ended in marriage - well, I guess it ultimately ended in divorce, but you get the point. both of us were moving it along fast. not on purpose, but because it just felt right. we were both looking for a committed, exclusive relationship. both wanted to expand the family. and it worked very well for 20+ yrs.

I had another that started very fast, moved out of state together and it burned out in less than 2 yrs.

I have not had the experience where one or the other is trying to slow it down. I guess I'm sort of an "all in" type of person and I tend to follow my heart in the early stages. I try to listen to my head, now as well. lessons learned the hard way are good teachers.

all things are possible. I try not to hold back and over analyze.

for my time and money, there is no better feeling than falling in love (and when done right, it is an extended, joyous all consuming free fall).

enjoy the ride, TBC.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #3  April 25,2010, 8:46am
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I think sometimes when it moves fast, it's just an indication of good chemistry. Gets ahead of logic sometimes. I would not necessarily see it as a warning sign. It could be a good sign.

Some studies indicate biological chemistry is really important to a lasting romance. I think, though, it really takes time to know someone and thus know whether they're a good fit in ways beyond that. I would intentionally try to slow down a bit, just so as not to attach to an outcome before you can really know what that outcome should be.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  April 25,2010, 8:54am
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My opinion, for what it is worth, is the hot the fire the faster it burns out.
 
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VolGal is offline VolGal Post #5  April 25,2010, 8:54am
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I am in the middle of something that may or may not qualify as a "fast moving" relationship. We were matched, first met in person 9 days later. I felt a chemistry almost immediately as the first "meet and greet" lasted over 2 hours, and the lunch about the same period of time. And then he went out of town for a week.

Working through each other's travel commitments, we have a rendezvous planned for 4 weeks after the first organic meeting as we each return from work travel. This is, by no means, a long-distance relationship, but it seems as if the majority of our get-togethers will have occurred in cities hundreds of miles from our homes, which are just 20 miles apart.

We are both completely sure the pace at which this works is the pace that we both set. Each of us have indicated in our profiles that spontaneity is something we desire. There is no pretext or pretense about "waiting 1-3 days to call". It is what it is. We are both consenting adults.

The future will be what it is.

The reason it hasn't moved faster is because of our prior work commitments. Each of us has been on eHa for a while (him on and off for more than a year - me for 3 months continuous). Neither of us is on any other dating website.
Last edited by VolGal; May 12,2010 at 5:29pm. Reason: shorten for clarity
 
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Catsetc is offline Catsetc Post #6  April 25,2010, 9:02am
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I have been in a dating experience that took off fast... absolutely instant chemistry and attraction and fireworks for both of us. It was definitely a mutual thing. We both kept the pace intense and fast. It burned out, yes, but I in no way regret it at all. It was meant to be at the time. I've likened that relationship to a paper fire... it burned hot and intense for a fairly brief period of time but wasn't meant to last. And no, neither of us made any move to slow things down. At least on my part, that thought never even occurred to me. I was too caught up in the intensity to think about slowing things down... even if I'd wanted to, which I didn't.
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #7  April 25,2010, 9:12am
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I think of relationship characteristics in the same vein as the ADSR characteristics (Attack-Decay-Sustain-Release) of musical notes. People who fall quickly would have the equivalent of a fast attack, but this characteristic is independent of how long the relationship might last (sustain). Unless of course one chooses to make it a dealbreaker.

I would guess that, more often than not, the problem with an excessively fast attack is not a lack of sustain, or even the ability to sustain, but rather a harbinger of potential dependency and boundary issues.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #8  April 25,2010, 9:23am

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Fast, slow, it really does not matter. What matters is that one is not out-pacing the other because then it will fall flat.

The best is when you are in-sync and you don't even have to think about, and really never need to talk about it.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #9  April 25,2010, 9:28am
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I dont try to rush a relationship. I just let it go as it wants to.

Its hard to tell something is fast vs thinking its a natural fit and like you found the one.

Naturally thinking you are going to be married within a month is fast.

I think it burns out if the relationship is based on the wrong things like sex and physical attraction and ignoring the big differences between you two like with things like religion, politics, career, where you want to be. Burn outs happen to those who believe love can conquer all.

Talking about slowing things down to me is more of a red flag that usually ends up to a breakup. If the reason behind the slow down request was hidden then trust is broken, and if things got more complicated with something you knew about going into this then the message is they dont want you around even though you have been supportive during this.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  April 25,2010, 9:31am
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VolGal wrote :
...We were matched Apr. 2, I sent questions about 3-5 days after I saw he had hit my profile, he responded, and a few days later we were in OC (Apr. 8). He travels a lot, so we were able to squeeze in a first "meet and greet" (Apr. 11) and then a lunch "date" (Apr. 13).
...
That was Apr. 16.
...
Let us know how it is going on May 16th or June 16th.
 
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