Aiwendil is offline Aiwendil Post #1  April 24,2010, 12:42am
Aiwendil's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2010

Posts: 26

See profile

Hi again,

I have an update on my situation, and I'd like some advice on what to do next.

For those of you who haven't read my previous posts, here's a little background. There's a girl in one of my classes (at a university) that I haven't seen since middle school. Over the course of the semester, I've become increasingly interested in getting to know her better but I haven't really had the chance. Somehow I got her phone number, and we tried to set up a time to get together, but she ended up having too much homework and being to busy, but said that we should try again later.

Well, the semester is coming to an end in a few weeks, and both of our schedules will open up a little, and I'm thinking of trying to set something up again. I've talked to my parents and some friends, and they all suggest doing something more than (or other than) dinner. They suggest doing an activity so that it's not just face to face conversation with just the two of us (I think I've seen an article here about doing something like this on the first date, I think it suggested going to a museum or the zoo).

I've been thinking about this, and I've come up with an idea that my friends and family seem to like. This girl is interested in plants and is studying for some kind of degree involving botany. We have a really nice botanic garden near the university, and I was considering taking her there. It's an activity that I'm almost 100% certain that she'd enjoy. I'm not really a "plant person," but I've enjoyed the experience when I've been there before, and the main thing for me would be to just spend time with her, I don't care as much what we're doing.

Some of the benefits of this idea that I can think of are: it's something she'd enjoy, it opens up the conversation for a lot of new topics, there's more to do than just sit and talk.

So, what do you think? Would this be a good idea?

Thanks
 
  Reply With Quote
oceanlady is offline oceanlady Post #2  April 24,2010, 3:55am
oceanlady's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Apr 2010

Posts: 58

See profile

Sure,taking her to a botanic garden sounds great. You will be walking around, so if there are lags in the conversation they won't seem as awkward. You are showing that you have noticed her interests and tried to plan something unique to her, so that's good. I would suggest going for a meal after the botanic garden so that you will have a shared experience to talk about during the meal. I hope it goes well!
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  April 24,2010, 4:47am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,670

See profile

Personally, I expect to have conversation - that's the point of meeting.

Then again, I am meeting a stranger from a website. If you already knew the person, it seems reasonable.

I would be careful with a choice you "don't really like." If she realizes that, there is risk the situation ends poorly, such as she feels pressured to leave early, or she's distracted. It really is better to select activities you know you enjoy.

Whatever you choose, I do suggest you make it clear you are asking her out due to romantic interest. "Hanging out" and "sharing an activity" are not ideal ways to convey this, and misunderstanding your intent is more likely.
 
  Reply With Quote
szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #4  April 24,2010, 6:23am
szgorzelski's Avatar

is on beercation.

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2010

Fort Eustis, VA

Posts: 1,413

See profile

I think you came up with a great location given that's what she's into. If it were me, I would see how things go while you're there. As long as it doesn't turn out tragic, I would then ask if she wanted to go grab something to eat somewhere. You could make a day of it if things go well.
 
  Reply With Quote
littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #5  April 24,2010, 6:31am
littlebluemon…'s Avatar

Unregistered

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 13,649

See profile

It sounds like a thoughtful choice. I like dates that involve activities and you've chosen on that she will definitely be interested in and you do not seem to have a propensity for enjoying. The benefits include having an automatic topic of conversation and the fact that she has some expertise in the field, so you can give her the opportunity to talk about that.

I also agree that if the day goes well, it would be a perfect opportunity to suggest dinner.

Have a wonderful time and good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
dia_ is offline dia_ Post #6  April 24,2010, 6:39am
dia_'s Avatar

No one's perfect . . . until you fall in love with them.

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2008

Vancouver Canada

Posts: 122

See profile

Aiwendil wrote :
I've talked to my parents and some friends, and they all suggest doing something more than (or other than) dinner. They suggest doing an activity so that it's not just face to face conversation with just the two of us (I think I've seen an article here about doing something like this on the first date, I think it suggested going to a museum or the zoo).
Yeah, I like this idea. A lot of people are fans of meals or drinks because they put you in a position where you can't do much else than talk, but I always preferred dates better when we were doing something else as well.

Aiwendil wrote :
I've been thinking about this, and I've come up with an idea that my friends and family seem to like. This girl is interested in plants and is studying for some kind of degree involving botany. We have a really nice botanic garden near the university, and I was considering taking her there. It's an activity that I'm almost 100% certain that she'd enjoy. I'm not really a "plant person," but I've enjoyed the experience when I've been there before, and the main thing for me would be to just spend time with her, I don't care as much what we're doing.
I like this idea too; I've discovered new interests by taking part in something my partner was interested in, even though it wasn't really my thing.

Hope it goes well.
 
  Reply With Quote
VolGal is offline VolGal Post #7  April 24,2010, 7:11am
VolGal's Avatar

Making New Memories

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2010

Deep South

Posts: 640

See profile

This sounds like a wonderful, thoughtful, and well-planned first "get together". Getting into her world will put her at ease, not seem like a date at all, and perhaps you can learn more about her since there has been such a gulf of time. Being in middle school sucks. You grow up a lot between being 12 and being 20, so make room for that. Good luck and we are all rooting for you!

By the way - does she know that this is a "date"?
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  April 24,2010, 9:54am
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

Since you have some background with this girl going back to middle school it is not as though you are meeting a complete stranger.

So I think this would be an excellent idea. You do have the opportunity to spend time alone talking as you walk through the gardens plus you have a ready topic of conversation in the plants you are among.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  April 24,2010, 11:31am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,076

See profile

I think it's a fabulous idea ... something you can both enjoy, gives you something to do together and talk about.

The only thing is to make sure she realizes it's a date, as VolGal said ... this is something just-friends could also do together, so you need to find a way to make it a date.
 
  Reply With Quote
Aiwendil is offline Aiwendil Post #10  April 24,2010, 6:49pm
Aiwendil's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2010

Posts: 26

See profile

Thanks for the replies.

Sassafras54 wrote :
The only thing is to make sure she realizes it's a date, as VolGal said ... this is something just-friends could also do together, so you need to find a way to make it a date.
Any suggestions? I was going to pay for her ticket, but beyond that I'm not sure how to make sure she knows, other than actually calling it a date.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Dating for years? | Dating | Saturday Night Roll Call »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Coupon on a first date: help me settle an office debate eHA_Admin_Lori Dating 594 May 2,2012 4:42pm
Fear of Date? passat1 Dating 12 May 2,2011 8:13am
Askin for the next date. First date versus second date. shoopthedoop Dating 8 September 24,2010 7:19pm
No second date yet.......I feel so stupid. itsabeatutifulday Dating 36 April 16,2010 7:06pm
2nd Date Jitters Timmer2 Dating 13 December 19,2009 1:45pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“but isnt' "comedy" subjective?” –  richey

Join the “I think I blew it...” discussion

“"So, at what point did you decide I was only going to be a one-date kind of guy?" Hi Carole, I am late to this thread. Thanks for such an interesting topic! My initial reaction was to think ... ” –  SearchingHoping

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“A little tough love... The lesson here: date married men at your own peril. The man was married when YOU began a relationship with him! You keep calling him divorced. Not when you were with him. Once ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“Thanks, DancingFool!!!!! I deleted all but 2 pics. I kept the 2 most recent pics. I will work on updating pics soon, hopefully this weekend. Thanks! Suzanne” –  SuzanneScorpio

Join the “Photo Review” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 6:41pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0