jayjay is offline jayjay Post #1  April 23,2010, 2:34pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I just read a post by someone mentioning that they have been using eHarmony for years. What do you think if you find out someone (say an eH match) has been dating for years? Does it matter to you?

If someone has been single for a number of years but not really serious about finding a partner....I can understand that they might not have happened upon someone right for them. But if someone has been actively dating for years and years....I'm likely to think their 'picker' is broken and I wouldn't waste time on a date with them.

For example, if I was still using eH and I received a match who stated that she had been using eH for 6 years but no luck so far....I think I'd probably close the match based on that alone. At least, unless there was something else that convinced me that there was a good reason for this. Just bad luck? I'd doubt it.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  April 23,2010, 2:49pm
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on eharmony? (assuming you are referring to starfish_steph) considering most of those people are probably not active? 6 years and hundreds of matches are nothing.

i think it takes women a lot longer to find a guy, anyway, regardless of what they do or dont do
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  April 23,2010, 2:49pm
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It is hard to know that this is six uninterrupted years, or back again, or six years during which the person was unusually busy (such as more than full time work and school, multiple jobs, etc.)
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  April 23,2010, 2:54pm
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It could be sex years on and off. I know I've been dating on an off for at least 5 on eH. This means lots of down time and some time where I was in a relationship and so I didn't use my profile.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  April 23,2010, 3:08pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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If someone has been actively dating for a year over the course of 6 or 10 years.....it wouldn't surprise me a lot (maybe just a little) that someone wouldn't have found someone in that time. What I mean is.....if someone has been actively dating for years and still can't find 'the one'. Maybe other folks don't really mind.

I do realize that there are probably quite a few people who post on this site who probably fit what I'm describing, so they probably don't like the idea of someone not wanting to date them because of this.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #6  April 23,2010, 3:12pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
It could be sex years on and off.
i like your typo lol
Last edited by Nanette; April 23,2010 at 3:13pm. Reason: i need sleep
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  April 23,2010, 3:15pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
It could be sex years on and off.

More on than off, please !!!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  April 23,2010, 3:24pm
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jayjay wrote :
If someone has been actively dating for a year over the course of 6 or 10 years.....it wouldn't surprise me a lot (maybe just a little) that someone wouldn't have found someone in that time. What I mean is.....if someone has been actively dating for years and still can't find 'the one'. Maybe other folks don't really mind.

This post is confusing, but I think I know what you're suggesting anyway!

***

People may not understand the situation of another, when they have not the experience of the other.

I, for instance, can not really even guess at what dating is like as a overweight person, a person with ex-problems, children, ect.

I do have experience living in communities which were about twice as good as the US average, and half as good (in measures such as unemployment, percentage of population with university degrees.) I can tell you the difference in the appropriate dating opportunities is massive.

Add in factors such as living in a small town, or being a minority, and there may be few possible partners in your entire community.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  April 23,2010, 4:27pm
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Nanette wrote :
i like your typo lol
D_Lion wrote :
More on than off, please !!!

OMG! The I key and the E key aren't even close together. I must have a Freudian Slip going on here! I'm gonna leave it.


jayjay, I think I understand who you are describing. The people who never had a significant other for any longer than three or four dates. I don't know many people that are like this. I consider myself a constant dater, even tho I had a couple of exclusive/committed relationships in the mix over the past few years. Since none were live in and none went past being bf&gf I might fit into your category.

If someone told me they haven't had a girl friend in the past 10 years I might worry. If they were in school part of the time, deployed in the military, etc, which kept them from putting any energy into dating or having a partner, I might not consider this a red flag.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #10  April 23,2010, 4:36pm
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Apathy can be a good reason not to date.

I dont know how many people will find it "acceptable" but imo it shouldn't be some monumental deal breaker. maybe just because it describes me now, but then again i don't know if i will ever date again. still weighing the benefits in the balances. i'm sure a statement like that might make someone skeptical to get involved, but at least it's honest, and i think anyone with any dating experience under their belt would "get it"
 
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