angel_disguise is offline angel_disguise Post #1  April 23,2010, 7:38am
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I met a man online and his answer to the question what you would do on a first date was we would go for dinner and then possibly a nice walk and if the attraction is there a hug and possibly a kiss.I felt like we connected on our first date we only went for a drink but sat in the restaurant for almost 2 hrs.We decided that we would go for a walk so I assumed the date must be going well.When it was time to say goodbye there was no hug or kiss.We decided to have a BBQ the following weekend and chatted on the phone and sent some emails in between.
We had fun at the BBQ he met a couple of my friends he did seem pretty quiet around them but he does seem very at ease with me and we are able to have good conversation,after my friends left he said he was leaving as well.I thought well if he is not going to initiate at least a hug then I would,he seemed surprised and the hug felt very awkward.
He called the other day to see if we could get together and he would take me out for dinner and so that is what we did last night,when it was time for him to go home we just stood at the door looking at each other and there was that awkward feeling again I told myself if he wants to hug me he can make the first move which he did it was a very quick hug he pulled away reached out for my hand and cupped it in between his hands for about a second.When he arrived home he emailed and said he should of hugged me again before he left and that he was sorry he was still quiet and maybe some hugging would resolve that.He is not a quiet person as we have great conversations.I am used to men coming on too quickly so this is very strange for me.Sometimes I feel like he is really into me and other times I feel he is not sure.What do you think any ideas?
 
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n25philly is offline n25philly Post #2  April 23,2010, 7:44am
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Sounds like he is just shy. Talk to him and tell him how you feel about it, or just initiate things yourself.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  April 23,2010, 7:48am
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n25philly wrote :
Sounds like he is just shy. Talk to him and tell him how you feel about it, or just initiate things yourself.
I would agree with this.
 
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vwgirlinwv is offline vwgirlinwv Post #4  April 23,2010, 8:25am
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So, I went out with a guy who was matched for me on eH. I could tell things were going well....he asked if we could see each other again...at the end of the night, I could tell he was nervous so I just said, "Ok, I'm taking the pressure off...you HAVE to kiss me before you leave." Not sure that relieved the pressure any, and I can't even believe I said it, but hey, it was a great kiss! (And he whispered that he had wanted to do that all night anyway!) Sometimes a guy just isn't sure....
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #5  April 23,2010, 8:30am
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Yep. It sounds like he likes you but is shy or uncomfortable with the physical aspect of things. If you like him, just give him a little time to ease into it. You can help things along by reaching for his hand while you're walking, or touching him on the arm or shoulder when you're just sitting and talking.

Shyness is no reason to not give it a go. One of the nicest relationships I was ever in, it took him a month to work up the nerve for a slightly awkward hug and quick kiss. That made me more comfortable initiating casual touch in our dates, which seemed to set him more at ease. Things warmed up considerably after that.
 
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PinkPassion is offline PinkPassion Post #6  April 23,2010, 8:42am
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Possibly, he is loving your company and does not want to jeapordize it with moving to fast with a kiss or a hug. He may be viewing that a kiss/hug is a sign of closer intimacy.

I would suggest that if you feel it is time to move forward with that kiss, by golly, initiate it. He may be quite happily surprised you did.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #7  April 23,2010, 8:55am
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Seems like he's into you but is extremely physically shy. Push him up against the door and plant one on his lips.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #8  April 23,2010, 12:46pm
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You've been given good advice! Shy people need love, too.
 
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Laurine is offline Laurine Post #9  April 23,2010, 1:00pm
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Try a little bit of harmless flirting with him. Tell him, "hmm.. It feels pretty cold out here" and give him a cute kind of winking eye contact and a smile. When (and if) he gives you a hug, relax your body so he can feel you're comfortable with his touch. Then tell him - mmm, thanks, that feels really nice
 
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LittleHugBug is offline LittleHugBug Post #10  April 23,2010, 5:10pm
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Ok I can understand the angst but at the same time this kind of question slightly annoys me.

Here's a radical idea - instead of twisting yourself up over it and asking strangers about it on an online board - why don't you ask the guy what's up???

Plus: you didn't say how long you communicated online but IRL you've only got together a few times...unless you have an open discussion about expectations for physical affection things will keep being awkward.

If I were overanalyzing I'd say he's sending you mixed messages but I'm not going to analyze because you know what? You will never know until you ask. You can speculate about his motives and feelings all you want but they'll only always be just theories in your own head. So get out of your own head and into his by talking to him about this, especially since its obviously bothering you (enough that you asked for help about it on here).

Not to generalize (ok well I'm obviously doing exactly that I just wanted to point out that it's being done with full awarness) but tons of talk w/ girlfriends and subsequent backup info from dating sites and advice books all say very similiar things: girls like to overthink relationships to death and guys are way less complicated then we like to think. They (guys) supposedly just coast along while we girls become nervous wrecks trying to understand every little nuance and facet of every relationship and every word and action in said relationship. "He did x, what does it mean?" "He said y, what does he really think?" "He didn't do z, what is he trying to tell me?"

ASK HIM.
Ask him if he's shy. Ask him if he's nervous. Ask him if he's comfortable with the level of physical intimacy you two have (I wouldn't word it like that, I know it's awful but find a better way to ask the basic question). Ask him if things are going at the right speed for him. Ask him if he's comfortable talking about this stuff!!!!
and TELL HIM.
Tell him you're feeling a little confused. Tell him you like him and want to make sure you're interpreting his actions correctly. Tell him you want to make sure the two of you are on the same page. Tell him how good his rare hugs and kisses make you feel. Tell him you hope he feels the same way.

You deserve answers to your questions, and he's the one who can give them to you.

Good luck, I hope he really is into you and just shy as the most popular theory here suggests.
 
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