gumboot is offline gumboot Post #1  April 23,2010, 7:01am
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My first post doesn't seem to have gone through - if it does sorry for the repeat...
I've been emailing this guy for a couple of weeks and he seemed really great on paper. I suggested we meet soon, he agreed and suggested that I phone him to chat as it would be a few days before he would be back at work and closer to where I live. He said when he would be home so I called him last night shortly after the time.

He was drinking and headed towards drunk when I called and had a bunch of friends over. He also swore 4 or so times within the first 5 minutes - which could've been the drink speaking (not at me otherwise that would have been a hang-up on my part!) Other than that the conversation was ok but I had given him the option for me to phone back another night - he said no, it was fine. Red flag? Unfortunate mistake on his part? I felt like this erased any positives from our emailing.
Did he blow it?
Thoughts?...
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  April 23,2010, 7:29am
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This is really an impossible to answer question since only you were on the phone with him and only you truly understand how his behavior was. It really all boils down to how you personally feel about it. Can you honestly give him another fair chance or did it leave such a bad impression that everything he does from now on will be tainted by that.

Overall, be careful with falling for e-mails or even phone conversations for that matter. You really don't get an accurate picture of a person until you see them face to face. Personally I tend to hold judgment until then.
 
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dia_ is offline dia_ Post #3  April 23,2010, 7:29am
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If you would never be in a position where you've had a few drinks with visiting friends then yes - I'd say you'd probably not be a good match with this guy.

If the activity itself isn't necessarily a problem for you, but you don't care for the timing of it (first phone call) then I think you are being too picky based on the information given. Before I would decide to nullify two weeks of getting to know someone based on a single phone call, I'd want to know more details about the night - were he and his friends celebrating a special ocassion or is this a regular weekly event? If it was the third or fourth time you'd called, and he was three sheets to the wind then yeah, there's a problem. But one call - not nearly enough evidence, in my opinion.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #4  April 23,2010, 7:36am
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I would be in a "proceed with caution" mode after that, not having any other information either way
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  April 23,2010, 7:38am
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gumboot wrote :
...
Did he blow it?
Thoughts?...
He didn't blow it, he showed his true self.

You have dodged a bullet with this one. Close him now and go on to a better match.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #6  April 23,2010, 8:25am
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If he set the time for you to call and then was getting drunk when you called, I'd say it might be a good insight into his nature.

If you're a party person and you don't mind the behavior, I wouldn't count it as a red flag. It would be for me, but then I'm not a big drinker these days, and I know I'm not compatible with people who are.

I would be more concerned with the fact that he made a phone date with you and then allowed circumstances to dictate that he couldn't focus his attention on the conversation with you. It speaks to me of a certain carelessness, but that's just my read on it.

If there's enough good in his profile and you don't have any issues with the drinking or the fact that he basically made his first phone call with you a side note to his evening, go ahead and meet him, but do it with your eyes open. This is who he is.

I'd probably pass on this one, but that's just me.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  April 23,2010, 9:32am
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Completely agree with LBMM so I'll just state it all over again! LOL

He told you when to call and then got drunk at that time. This would bother me.

If it doesn't bother you ... go ahead and meet but it's likely this is normal behavior for him; you would need to be ok with it.

I'd close him now. But that's just me.
 
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serrith is offline serrith Post #8  April 23,2010, 10:09pm
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gumboot wrote :
My first post doesn't seem to have gone through - if it does sorry for the repeat...
I've been emailing this guy for a couple of weeks and he seemed really great on paper. I suggested we meet soon, he agreed and suggested that I phone him to chat as it would be a few days before he would be back at work and closer to where I live. He said when he would be home so I called him last night shortly after the time.

He was drinking and headed towards drunk when I called and had a bunch of friends over. He also swore 4 or so times within the first 5 minutes - which could've been the drink speaking (not at me otherwise that would have been a hang-up on my part!) Other than that the conversation was ok but I had given him the option for me to phone back another night - he said no, it was fine. Red flag? Unfortunate mistake on his part? I felt like this erased any positives from our emailing.
Did he blow it?
Thoughts?...
I would say tread forward with caution if you choose to move forward. The fact that he was drunk when you had previously agreed on a time suggests that he lacks judgment on when to drink or just doesn't care how he presents himself. Neither of which are good signs.
If drinking is a problem for you, then I would suggest moving to someone else.
 
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gumboot is offline gumboot Post #9  April 24,2010, 6:03am
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It's sad because he did seem like a nice guy. Maybe he thought the call time wasn't set in stone but he did say, "I'll be home just after 8 if you want to call" and I emailed back that yes, I would. Unless he didn't get that email... At least he could've said he had friends over and could I call back later so we could talk properly.

I don't have an objection to him drinking with his buddies although from an email he sent I have a feeling this may happen fairly often - it was more the disappointment that he hadn't seen this potential call as important enough for him to focus attention on that. I don't want to come off as hyper-critical but it did leave a bad impression... and as you said Gr8Guyn2008, he may have been showing his true self.
 
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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #10  April 24,2010, 6:28am
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The key to me is how he reacts to what happened. If he acknowledges a lack of judgment and apologizes, that might be enough to give him another chance. But if he acts like nothing happened....then, yeah, I'd be done with him.
 
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