The chronicals of the shy late dater!!


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serrith is offline serrith Post #1  April 23,2010, 12:28am
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I thought I would share this for all the shy people out there...maybe it will make you worry less:

I am in my late 20's, and I have never been in a relationship. Until recently, I had never even been on a date. And yes, I am a virgin. I have always been mildly shy my entire life. My shyness increases exponentially around attractive women, and I am lucky if I end up talking only halfway as an idiot around them. I am the guy who is likely to face plant into a closed door while trying to begin flirting with the cute casheir.
I am your average Joe physically. By no means am I a supermodel - no six pack or finely cut muscles on me....I am just average looking guy. I don't have an ultra sexy voice or any smooth moves...I am quite simply your average very shy guy in every way.

I asked a girl out on a date about as smoothly as a rampaging bull in a china shop. She was kind enough to accept. I spent the entire week before the date trying to educate myself on how to be a good date. I had no clue after all - it was the first date I had ever been on. Every day I would browse the internet for dating tips, ask friends for advice and try to think of things to talk about. I even asked my sister for fashion suggestions. By the time the date rolled around I had a million and a half things running through my head. "movie dates are bad first dates because you don't talk....don't bring flowers on a first date its a bit much....try to keep talking and avoid silence.... avoid asking her about dating history"
I am sure experienced dates laugh at these thoughts but to me everything was new.

I went on my first date ever, acutely aware that the majority of women see shyness as a turn off. "It makes guys look immature" one of my female coworkers told me once. Now, I had initially prepared myself to meet her by sort of centering myself into a non shy mode that I seem to be able to reach once I know people for a long time. I would have been somewhat ok if she looked like she had online. Problem is that she was more in "WAY out of my league" category than I could have ever thought. You know the kind of woman that is attractive enough keep your attention enough to make you miss the chair you are trying to sit down on? (maybe that's just me.) Ya I wasn't ready for that. I was taken completely off guard and reverted into the stuttering fool once again for the entire night.
She was an awsome date in my opinion - intellegent, good natured and just an all around good person. She obviously was trying very hard to keep the conversation flowing. Yet because of my shyness and lack of confidence I just couldn't keep the discussions going very long. Most of the date was spent with long silences as I frantically trying to think of something new to ask. I really liked her, I just wasn't sure what to say to her.
By the end of the date I was utterly sure I had done terribly and felt as though I would never hear back from her again.

As I said before, I really liked her -so the next day I decided to at least give her a call. I got an answering machine and left a message inquiring if she would like to go out again sometime. I didn't expect her to call back but figured it was worth a shot.
My phone rang a few hours later.
As it turns out, she wasn't thinking about how I wasn't keeping the conversation going. She wasn't focusing on how odd or awkwardly I acted. She didn't even notice most of the frantic questions that weren't well thought out.
What she was thinking about was how she wasn't keeping the conversation going. She was focusing on how odd and awkardly she acted. She only noticed the frantic questions that she had asked.
In fact, she didn't think I was a bad date at all. She actually enjoyed herself and wanted to go out again.

While I was so busy worrying about her not thinking I was a good date it never occurred to me that she might be worried too.
We have another date planned now and this time I intend to concentrate less on how I feel and more on how she feels.

Moral of the story: Don't worry. The only person harshly judging you during your date is YOU.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #2  April 23,2010, 3:12am
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Interesting story. This is often the kind of thing that happens when people over-think what should come natural.

Good luck.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #3  April 23,2010, 3:35am
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Ask her out again!!!!

The ONE thing, which is the most important one, that I have learned from this discussion board, is what ALL women on here of any age are looking for, is CONFIDENCE in a man. It is crucial and utterly important.

Let me repeat: CONFIDENCE. Not the only thing they want, but it is a must have!

I am really old too, yeah, 62 in a few days!!, and it's still tough for me, I NEVER was a car salesman. But it's a needed trait you MUST develop. If ONE turns you down, there are a thousand more out there to ask.


So ask her out. She sounds shy too. Once you are both relaxed enough not to worry about how each of you sounds to the other, the conversation should flow well, so long as english is both your first language.

This never happened if you don't report back to us!!!
 
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angloaustralian is offline angloaustralian Post #4  April 23,2010, 4:05am
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Good thread-title. I think I will keep looking in.

I submit for your consideration that shy young men grow up to be modest, unassuming or decorous older men. Except for the ones who flame-out while e-dating and end up compulsively venting on online forums.

You are doing pretty well so far. Keep it up.
Last edited by angloaustralian; April 23,2010 at 4:08am.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  April 23,2010, 4:16am
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Nice post and thanks for sharing. Yes, women are just human beings who come with their own nerves and worries. Just one tiny piece of advice - lose the "she is out of my league" attitude.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #6  April 23,2010, 4:26am
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I love this post!

It's cute. And it makes me want to date a shy guy.

But see? You got up the nerve to ask her out. Because you really really wanted to go out with her. Good for you.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #7  April 23,2010, 5:39am
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Also, keep the momentum going. Its very easy for that shyness to let things come to a stop. Don't let it. That right there is a big killer of any blossoming relationship. If both of you are a little shy, as it appears here, it can easily happen. Don't let it.

I'm not saying be relentless, but just don't let it settle.
 
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Joti is offline Joti Post #8  April 23,2010, 6:05am
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Good job Serrith. My son is 18 and similar to you. I hope he experiences a date like yours instead of some 'popular cheer-leader" type who puts him down. Not all young ladies are as nice as the one you went out with, to geeks like my son
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #9  April 23,2010, 7:00am
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Nanette wrote :
I love this post!

It's cute. And it makes me want to date a shy guy.
Me, too, girlFriend! Don't know if I'd call it cute.....but yeah.

j8a
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  April 23,2010, 7:44am
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serrith wrote :
...
Moral of the story: Don't worry. The only person harshly judging you during your date is YOU.
Very true.
 
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