Exclusive Does Not Equal Committed


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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #1  April 21,2010, 8:32am

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Another thread made me realize that a few of us have different ideas of what, when, or where committment happens. I have never dated more than one guy at a time nor have any of the guys I dated seen anyone while dating me.

This is not something that must be articulated it is the social norm in my world. I would have every reason to be upset if I found out the guy was seeing other women. There are no talks. The first I ever heard of the talk was here so I am assuming this is an online dating term and tradition.

I also think an online dating tradition is the talk means not only exclusive but committed. Not so in the world of traditional dating we discuss committment.

So am I right and this is an online issue or is it more of a regional issue?
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #2  April 21,2010, 8:40am
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It is very interesting because I never really heard of people dating multiple people until I got into online dating either. In my mind, if I go on one date with someone and have plans to continue going on dates with them than it would be wrong to plan to go on dates with other people. The only exception would be if I had a couple of dates lined up already as to be polite I wouldn't break the other dates.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #3  April 21,2010, 8:45am
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Does it count as multi-dating if they're identical twins?
Last edited by ThePriestess; April 21,2010 at 8:46am. Reason: Or triplets.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #4  April 21,2010, 8:47am

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ThePriestess wrote :
Does it count as multi-dating if they're identical twins?
I think that falls under fetish?
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #5  April 21,2010, 8:48am
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I don't think it's just an online issue; i think you could be onto something with the regional thing.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #6  April 21,2010, 8:52am
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FairOne wrote :
I don't think it's just an online issue; i think you could be onto something with the regional thing.
Perhaps a combination of online and large urban areas?
Last edited by ThePriestess; April 21,2010 at 8:55am. Reason: I'll probably still blame Carrie ...
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #7  April 21,2010, 8:54am

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FairOne wrote :
I don't think it's just an online issue; i think you could be onto something with the regional thing.
Could it be a bit of column A and a bit of Column B. I know Mary is from around here and was talking about multi-dating because of eHa. I don't think she decided to do it because it is very uncomfortable to do.

So perhaps online dating pushes people out of what may be regional social norms. Now I am wondering if anyone has actually changed their dating style due to online dating.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #8  April 21,2010, 8:57am
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ThePriestess wrote :
Perhaps a combination of online and large urban areas?
Perhaps. And maybe some of it is age related as well?
Back in the day when people were truly 'courting' I seem to remember hearing that women could entertain many suitors ( not s*exually) before choosing one. I think that would be today's equivalent of a couple of dates.

Maybe there was some backlash against that for a while, which equalled no 'multi-dating', and now there is some resurgence of going out a couple of times before deciding? Especially because younger generations do a lot more 'hanging out' than formal dating.

Not sure; interesting topic.
Last edited by FairOne; April 21,2010 at 8:59am. Reason: LOL...I know you will Priestess. I know you will!
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #9  April 21,2010, 9:01am

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FairOne wrote :
Perhaps. And maybe some of it is age related as well?
Back in the day when people were truly 'courting' I seem to remember hearing that women could entertain many suitors ( not s*exually) before choosing one. I think that would be today's equivalent of a couple of dates.

Maybe there was some backlash against that for a while, which equalled no 'multi-dating', and now there is some resurgence of going out a couple of times before deciding? Especially because younger generations do a lot more 'hanging out' than formal dating.

Not sure; interesting topic.
You go back 100 years and there is no multi-dating in my family or in the area. I mean my dad had to meet my grandpa before he could date my mom beyond the first meet. Not really conducive to multi-dating.

Then you look at my daughter. She hangs out with guys and during high school took different ones to dances. When she dates it is one guy at a time. Oh she is 20 by the way.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #10  April 21,2010, 9:03am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
Now I am wondering if anyone has actually changed their dating style due to online dating.
I bet they have!
In some ways i can see it being very positive- people taking the time to sit down and think through the type of partner they want as opposed to just taking what comes. Figuring out their strong points and how to present them in a new, compelling way. 'Hearing' a narrative from the other side regarding what they find important/are looking for in a mate.

And the negative points- well we can take a look around these boards and see all of those!
 
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