The Transition from "Dating" to a "Relationship"... what if you're not ready?


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  April 20,2010, 5:19pm
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I believe that before any situation can become an actual exclusive relationship, that the two people must have "the talk" where they explicitly say that they are a couple and in a committed relationship. However, I'm curious, what if one person is ready to have "the talk" and the other person is not. Is it okay to continue to date, or, should you let the person go if it appears that they are more serious than you are.

I've personally been on both sides of the fence. I have been in a relationship where I was more than ready to have the talk, and the guy wanted to continue to multi-date, and I have been in situations where I was not quite ready to have the talk, but the guy was more than ready...

Curious, for people who have been in this situation, if you're not ready to have the talk, let's say after a month, does that mean you are probably not with the right person? Can't quite figure it out myself... if all of the pieces are there... why would you not be ready... something must be missing. And, if something is missing, does that mean it will always be missing, and time to move on?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  April 20,2010, 5:28pm
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In my experience, exclusivity is established soon, and never discussed.

Since a person can break a promise of exclusivity (or of remaining married), I fair to see the logic in placing stock in a promise.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  April 20,2010, 5:29pm
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This is a very interesting question that you have raised. Having never gotten that far I certainly have no answer. I will be interested on what our esteemed panel of experts has to say about this.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  April 20,2010, 5:44pm
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If I had a partner I wanted to become into a relationship with, and she stated she "was not ready," I think I would just sort of sit and wait - but I would not see her as worth my effort, so I would be kindof waiting and not putting any effort anywhere.

That seems to be an end.

If it were me who was disinterested in a relationship, then again I think I might let things progress.

In this case, it would be her choice to accept this and wait. This point is hypothetical, though, since I haven't ever had concurrent partners.
 
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penpen2 is offline penpen2 Post #5  April 20,2010, 6:30pm
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Even now I'm seeing someone I'm not sure where things will go. I think if the question comes up and one party has not been prepared for that step, they need to think if they would consider it. And that's how the flow would go. If one party is not sure, then the other party just drops off. "Not sure" was basically "No." I think one side has to be patient, and the other side has to really consider if they have a future.

Sighs.. being patient and understanding is difficult even to write about!
Anyway, I'm just guessing here, I've never reached that point yet. :P

A similar discussion came up with a group of friends when we were talking about a joke where a man who proposed to his girlfriend at the top of the London Eye and her response is "No." We were wondering how the man would proceed. Is the relationship over or that point? Or does saying "Maybe" make sense? To say "No" seems more like "No, and I never will."
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #6  April 20,2010, 7:05pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Since a person can break a promise of exclusivity (or of remaining married), I fair to see the logic in placing stock in a promise.
Given that logic, there's no point in making any agreements or promises with anyone.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #7  April 20,2010, 7:16pm

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I don't think it's uncommon for one partner to be further along in the desire for a relationship than the other one..after all, we aren't following a script.

If I discover that I am ready for the relationship talk and he isn't, then I need to decide if I want to wait for him to come around or if I would rather look elsewhere-of course it depends on what you are looking for from your relationship.

I've had both the 'assumed' type of relationship, as D_L mentioned, where both of us just sort of transitioned into only dating each other and the actual relationship talk..don't find either to be superior, though the talk does clarify things.

Also, it's good to remember that even if we transition from dating into relationship the partnership continues to grow and evolve...and not always in positive ways. Thats why many of us find ourselves out of relationships after a few months. We've tried to work things out, they haven't done so and it becomes time to move on.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #8  April 21,2010, 5:22am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I will be interested on what our esteemed panel of experts has to say about this.
 
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readytodate is offline readytodate Post #9  April 21,2010, 7:03am
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I've never "had the talk" with anyone. It always naturally evolved as part of our relationship. Mostly, in that around the time we started having sex, the exclusivity was assumed by our actions and words. As in, by the time we'd slept together a few times, we'd be spending our friday and saturday nights together, and we'd be talking about future vacations and holidays with family and stuff like that. way back when I was 17 yrs old i remember reading in cosmo magazine that you had no right to ask a guy to see you exclusively until you had been dating for three months. somehow, that stuck in my brain, and i always followed it. and luckily, I never had to worry about having the conversation, because usually by the end of the first month, exclusivity was firmly established through aforementioned deeds and actions.

and lest you think i'm a girl who waits a long, long time before jumping in the sack, I'm not. my current ex-husband was the longest I'd ever waited before doing the deed, and that was only 17 days. usually I'm a third or fourth date kinda girl.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #10  April 21,2010, 7:25am
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I don't do non-exclusive relationships.

And I don't read Cosmo.
 
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