Question for the men, about flowers


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  April 19,2010, 2:09pm
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I know there was a flower thread recently but I don't think it covered this angle so I'm asking again

Gentlemen, in the early stages of dating (say, within the first half dozen dates) if you find that a woman seems to be or is becoming very special to you, are you inclined to engage in a romantic gesture -- specifically sending flowers?

If so, what is the earliest point at which you would do something like this?

If not, why not? Is it perception, logistics (don't have her address), or...something else?

Thanks for the responses
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #2  April 19,2010, 2:15pm
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Personally, no. I would not give flowers. The thought is nice and if it was the thought, then i would do it more often.

However, as a guy, I don't want to start subconsciously feeling like i'm buying someone's affection. Inversely, I also don't want to feel like my date is only with me, because i give her nice things.

For me to be ready to enter gift giving phase, I need to do it because i want to make her happy, not make a statement.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #3  April 19,2010, 2:21pm
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If I really felt there was a strong connection, and if I know she really likes flowers, then yes I would give her flowers. Most likely it would not be until we've had 4-5 dates under our belt and covered a lot of ground getting to know each other in that time.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  April 19,2010, 2:46pm
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Dafearon wrote :
I don't want to start subconsciously feeling like i'm buying someone's affection. Inversely, I also don't want to feel like my date is only with me, because i give her nice things.

Agree with this advice. Also, anything one-sided wouldn't happen for me.

I would be concerned to appear "clingy" as well. Exclusivity must be reached prior to, and independent of, any gifts.
 
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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #5  April 19,2010, 2:47pm
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A woman's perspective here. Just want to point out some things to the guys to think about.

I was once given 2 dozen red roses on a first date. This sends a lot of messages that can be taken a lot of ways - NOT a good idea at all, no matter how you feel about her; trust me on this one.

Recently I was handed a single rose by my date on our 2nd date (3rd actual time seeing him, including our first meeting). This I found acceptable - not too much, not too soon. Still sends a message, but a more palatable one (and we were not exclusive).

*Bringing* a woman a flower or some flowers on a date should wait until you've at least established that there is mutual strong interest (regardless of how long that takes).

*Sending* a woman a floral arrangement I believe is only appropriate after you've at least agreed to be exclusive.

Just my opinion . . .
Last edited by Lindac7; April 19,2010 at 2:50pm.
 
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pragmatic is offline pragmatic Post #6  April 19,2010, 2:54pm
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I agree with everyone thus far. No flowers. If you want to do something, then maybe a white rose or something very subtle after the third date..
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #7  April 19,2010, 3:05pm
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Lindac7 wrote :
I was once given 2 dozen red roses on a first date. This sends a lot of messages that can be taken a lot of ways - NOT a good idea at all, no matter how you feel about her; trust me on this one.
It's because of reactions like this that I'd answer the original question with a firm no.

Why spend the money and risk getting a negative reaction or sending the wrong signal?

BTW, I've never heard of anyone doing more than a dozen roses at once.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #8  April 19,2010, 3:09pm

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I think it was the third date. I was cooking he grabbed wine on the way. One rose from the flower department of the grocery store. Simple and to the point. Ya know?
 
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View is offline View Post #9  April 19,2010, 3:18pm
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Flowers die. I don't care for them all the time.
Now my yard, if a guy brought me a rose plant to put in my garden, then I would say he was paying attention to my interests and wanted to know more about me.

Flowers mean alot of things to alot of people. You need to know why you are giving them to that person.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #10  April 19,2010, 3:36pm
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Sure.
 
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