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Justaguy231 is offline Justaguy231 Post #1  April 19,2010, 8:00am
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I need some advice from some of you out there.

The short of my problem is I started talking to 2 girls (all of us in our mid 20s) on eharmony at about the same time. And since eharmony recommends dating multiple people I gave it a shot. So girl 1 wanted to skip email entirely and meetup, which we did. Girl 2 and I chatted through email for a week or two and took things slow.

The problem is this: On the thrid date with girl 1 she dropped a bombshell that she will be gone for a three months, and she's leaving in a few weeks! By the time she leaves we'll have known each other for only a month. I've now had several dates with girl 1 and all have been good. I've talked a lot with girl 2 and had one successful date.

So my dilemma is a what to do? Girl 1 moved fast, and girl 2 moved slow. Both girls seem really interesting to me right now, but one month seems a bit much to become fully committed. I'm at a cross roads of what to do. I'm naturally a one woman man but this situation kind of throws me in the gray area.

My friends are telling me to date both and not tell either about the other. They say if I decide to go with girl 2 then just tell girl 1 so long (girl 1 and I are not "official"), and if things go bad with girl 2 then wait for girl 1. So far this seems okay to me, but brings up a whole new question on what we can do "physically".

So now my final question is: Guys what would you do? And girls what would you reccomend?
 
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dev24 is offline dev24 Post #2  April 19,2010, 9:48am
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1 month is kinda early in the relationship seems like quite a long time for me. Do you like both of them equally? Do you really like Girl 1 enough after only 1 month of dating to remain dedicated to just her for an entire 3 months? Do you even trust her enough at this point to do the same while she is away?

I think you should tell Girl 1 that you won't make any promises while she is away but if you both still have feelings when she gets back then you would like to continue the relationship. Then continue seeing/talking to girl 2, and see where it goes when girl 1 gets back. It is just too earlier int he relationship to put your life on hold for 3 months while girl 1 does whatever she has to do.
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #3  April 19,2010, 10:01am

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Justaguy231 wrote :
I need some advice from some of you out there.

The short of my problem is I started talking to 2 girls (all of us in our mid 20s) on eharmony at about the same time. And since eharmony recommends dating multiple people I gave it a shot. So girl 1 wanted to skip email entirely and meetup, which we did. Girl 2 and I chatted through email for a week or two and took things slow.

The problem is this: On the thrid date with girl 1 she dropped a bombshell that she will be gone for a three months, and she's leaving in a few weeks! By the time she leaves we'll have known each other for only a month. I've now had several dates with girl 1 and all have been good. I've talked a lot with girl 2 and had one successful date.

So my dilemma is a what to do? Girl 1 moved fast, and girl 2 moved slow. Both girls seem really interesting to me right now, but one month seems a bit much to become fully committed. I'm at a cross roads of what to do. I'm naturally a one woman man but this situation kind of throws me in the gray area.

My friends are telling me to date both and not tell either about the other. They say if I decide to go with girl 2 then just tell girl 1 so long (girl 1 and I are not "official"), and if things go bad with girl 2 then wait for girl 1. So far this seems okay to me, but brings up a whole new question on what we can do "physically".

So now my final question is: Guys what would you do? And girls what would you reccomend?
Keep your options open. Seems like Girl 2 is just as equally nice as Girl 1 (but maybe you want to move on quick)...unless you want the sumthin' sumthin' like ASAP, I'd say Girl 2 is moving at a very reasonable pace.

Plus Girl1 will be leaving for three months? Sorry for being age-biased here...but 20s travelling possibly by herself (or with a couple girlfriends), good chance that she'd be hookin' up with Juan the exotic bartender at the beach, or some other frat boy with 8 pack abs.

I'd say let the communication die down naturally with Girl1 and go with Girl2.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #4  April 19,2010, 11:05am
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Justaguy231 wrote :
And since eharmony recommends dating multiple people I gave it a shot.
Justaguy231 wrote :
So now my final question is: Guys what would you do?
Not listen to eH and stick with singular relationships.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #5  April 19,2010, 11:07am
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If Girl 1 is asking to be exclusive before she leaves, dev24 had a great suggestion: let her know you care about her, so you guys can discuss it after she gets back from her 3 month trip. I'm guessing if she's asking for this before she leaves, she's afraid you'll find someone else by the time she gets back, but it's too soon for her to expect that from you, especially since she'll be gone for a while.

Meanwhile keep dating girl 2 and see where it goes. In addition, keep your eyes open for girl 3.

In your early 20's, it's useful to date multiple people because it helps you get more perspective on your relationships. Which one treats you more like the way you want to be treated? Which one is more attractive to you and why? You end up getting a better idea of what qualities you are seeking.

By the way I wouldn't recommend lieing to these girls about you dating others (since it sounds like you are looking for more than booty calls). In the long run, it's just easier to be upfront about it than to keep up lies and hide things. Don't throw it in their faces, but if they ask, be honest about it.

How far physically should you go? Well first of all if sex is involved, wear protection...always. Even if the girl is on the pill, you can still catch STD's. Many people are not even aware they have STD's because symptoms don't always show up, or take a while to appear. And a girl can still get pregnant while on her period or anytime during the month, so don't follow the rhythm method either.

Most girls will get upset if you sleep or even make out with another girl while you are dating them, even if you are not exclusive. Again being honest about dating other girls helps here, but you'll still be in the doghouse anyway. Something to keep in mind. My suggestion is once you start taking off underwear with a girl, you might want to hold off doing that with other girls for the time being.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  April 19,2010, 11:15am
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Your friends are giving you good advice. Go with the flow and see what happens.

Girl 1 will be out of the picture for 3 months and that's a long time when you don't really have an established relationship with her. So date girl 2 as normal and let things develop naturally as they may. As you are getting to know girl 2, either you two are going to grow closer together and girl 1 will become history or you'll end up breaking up and girl 1 will be nice to have back. Then again, girl 1 may not want you back after that period of time too. This is a situation where you are not really in control of an outcome. All you can do is go along and see what happens.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #7  April 19,2010, 12:34pm
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The answer is rather obvious- while girl 1 is gone for 3 months, date others.

She can't expect you to wait 3 months for her when you've only known her for 1 month.
 
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n25philly is offline n25philly Post #8  April 19,2010, 1:23pm
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #9  April 19,2010, 2:28pm
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When i was dating multiple people. I saw it as a race. There is a line somewhere in the distance, that if it was crossed, it was going into exclusive territory. The worse part of it, was three of the four women were...neck and neck towards that finish line. It was tough.

Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is that if one of your "contestants" has a foul, or injury (to keep with the sports analogy) that keeps them from competing, are you expected to call YOUR game off?

She is going away for 3 months. Is it fair for you to put everyone else, including you on hold, for her? Is it fair to the other women who are giving just as much effort to win you, that they be put on hold for no fault of their own?

The answer is simple here. If you start dwelling in the what ifs and such for 3 months, you're going to lose out. You're going to lose the momentum of other relationships. You may even lose out on the one you're waiting for because she may meet someone in the 3 months she's away. You need to make a choice. If there is enough information and you want to choose the one who is leaving, then dump the other ones, pack your bags, because you're going to be a camel for 3 months. OR, you let her go and continue your prospects of the ones who are still making the effort to get to know you, and if this traveling lady is lucky, you will be still available to her when she returns.
 
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Lindac7 is offline Lindac7 Post #10  April 19,2010, 2:39pm
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It's too soon to make a 3-month commitment to someone you've only known for 1 month. Tell her this, and tell her both of you should be keeping your options open while she's gone. Then when she's back you can assess how both of you feel about each other, and decide what to do from there.
 
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