New to dating....need advice!


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serrith is offline serrith Post #1  April 17,2010, 11:15pm
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I am new to dating! I have a date planned with a match and had some questions....
(feel free to add any advice you think important)

The only thing planned so far is a meeting spot. I was thinking about taking her to a movie and then dinner afterward followed by a walk around town window shopping. Is the movie part a good idea or a bad one? I was thinking the movie would give us something to talk about during dinner. I have heard many conflicting opinions on this from my friends.

Since the date of the erm...date... isn't too far away, should I keep chatting via emails or save the chat for the date? I don't want to make her feel like I drop off the face of the map until the date but I also don't want to have nothing to talk about during the date.

Should I coordinate my dating ideas with my date ahead of time? I am unfamiliar with the area...
On one hand, it would give me an idea what things she would like to do, but on the other it might make her feel stuck if the date doesn't go as she likes.

No flowers/gifts on the first date right? Seems like it might seem a bit overboard for a first date to me.

Any interesting dating ideas? I would love to be able to do something to impress her on the first date (without being overboard).

Any good topics to talk to her with?
Last edited by serrith; April 18,2010 at 12:09am.
 
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mari3434 is offline mari3434 Post #2  April 17,2010, 11:29pm
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Movie is a great idea before dinner if you think it will be a movie that you both will enjoy.
 
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mari3434 is offline mari3434 Post #3  April 17,2010, 11:29pm
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Flowers or gifts may be over the top - unless you know her well.
 
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serrith is offline serrith Post #4  April 18,2010, 12:05am
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Another question:
We are planning to meet at an agreed location...when I meet her should I do anything like give her a hug?
I only know her through about a few weeks of eharmony mails and two phone calls...
so this seems a bit forward, yet I don't want to seem cold on a first impression.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #5  April 18,2010, 1:20am
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I don't like movies for the first few dates because if you're concentrating on a movie then it can make you seem kinda distant, more into what's on the screen than who you're with. Trying to keep chitchat going so it doesn't seem as if you're ignoring each other can be a disaster if one of you gives terse or monosyllabic replies because they're not really paying attention to what's being said.
For me movies are better when you've been on a few dates and are feeling comfortable with each other, the first few dates are more getting-to-know-you deals to find each others comfort zones.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #6  April 18,2010, 3:20am
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gothustartus wrote :
I don't like movies for the first few dates because if you're concentrating on a movie then it can make you seem kinda distant, more into what's on the screen than who you're with. Trying to keep chitchat going so it doesn't seem as if you're ignoring each other can be a disaster if one of you gives terse or monosyllabic replies because they're not really paying attention to what's being said.
For me movies are better when you've been on a few dates and are feeling comfortable with each other, the first few dates are more getting-to-know-you deals to find each others comfort zones.
I agree. I've had two first dates where he took me to a movie and they were utter disasters. The second first date was with people we both knew and it was still awkward.

As Mari pointed out, you really need to get the movie choice right and with someone you don't know, unless you play it really safe, it's a lot harder than you'd think! lol
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  April 18,2010, 5:09am
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serrith wrote :
I was thinking about taking her to a movie and then dinner afterward followed by a walk around town window shopping. Is the movie part a good idea or a bad one?
Personally, I would not go to a movie. If you won't have anything to talk about, that's a much bigger problem - which one movie won't fix.

I also think you're best off skipping the walk - depending on the length of dinner, you're talking too long / too late, with this combination.

I would do only dinner, myself. If she wants / suggests something more, great (that's why I only meet Fri or Sat), but I wouldn't plan on it.


serrith wrote :
Since the date of the erm...date... isn't too far away, should I keep chatting via emails or save the chat for the date?
I would reduce unnecessary e-mails (since the point of e-mails is to convince / prepare to meet, that makes all of them unnecessary once the meeting is planned.) I agree you're best off not to cease, though. You could call, but I prefer not to.


serrith wrote :
Should I coordinate my dating ideas with my date ahead of time? I am unfamiliar with the area...
On one hand, it would give me an idea what things she would like to do, but on the other it might make her feel stuck if the date doesn't go as she likes.
I state the place, day, and time; occasionally she'll need to adjust the time. Women nearly always accept my place (and if it's my invitation, it is my choice and my location.) It does seem popular to ask women what they like, but I don't do it that way. Whatever you do, don't be at a loss for an idea - just announce what you want.


serrith wrote :
No flowers/gifts on the first date right? Seems like it might seem a bit overboard for a first date to me.

Any interesting dating ideas? I would love to be able to do something to impress her on the first date (without being overboard).
Definite overkill. This is too much, too soon (desperation), and you haven't seen any sign of effort to impress you (which is needed, and something you should be looking for.)

The most important factors are whether she likes you, is comfortable with you, and feels you're on the same page she is with her goals (and that, even you meet all that, she doesn't have other, better, options.)

Once you show up, just be yourself. After that, it's mostly luck.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  April 18,2010, 5:59am
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The purpose of a first date is to get to know each other. Therefore you want to do / go where you can talk. Dinner is usually a good choice for this.

As D_Lion said if you have nothing to talk about seeing a movie first is not going to solve the problem in the long run. Also if you went to a movie and found that you did not like each other then you are sort of stuck for two hours with each other and then would never get the opportunity to actually talk and get to know each other.

For safety you want to meet in a public place with a lot of people around. While the window shopping idea sounds like a good one, unless this is a common thing for people to do in your town then there may not be a lot of other people around which makes for a safe dating experience.

No gifts or flowers. When you first meet her unless she indicates that she would like a hug I would not. Most people do not hug strangers and at that moment you are still strangers.

You should continue with some level of communication before the date. You should also continue with communication after the date if you are interested in seeing her again.

You should plan your date as to day, time, place and activity. However, you should remain flexible to changes in the plan.
 
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pragmatic is offline pragmatic Post #9  April 18,2010, 7:06am
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I agree with no flowers and no movie. You should continue to talk to her your date. If you aren't comfortable with talking on the fly, I would suggest always creating a list of various topics or questions. It's always good to avoid the awkward silence.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #10  April 18,2010, 7:56am
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I agree with the responses so far.

No movie on first date...they stifle conversation.

No flowers or gift, they are over the top.

My suggestion: pick some event, activity or area that has many interesting things going on. So maybe an art festival, or an outdoor shopping area that has street entertainers, or a county fair. These type of places will give you both many things to talk about and will help you see if you have similar interests and chemistry.

On general note, I know it's kinda hard to be relaxed when starting to date. Keep in mind your date is just another person like you. She has to brush her teeth and floss like you. She gets nervous going on dates sometimes, and may not know how to act or what to say once in a while.

Help her feel comfortable spending time with you. Treat her kindly. Be willing to tell funny stories about yourself, about the time you fell down in the mud when you were younger or ended up getting stung by a bee. We all have embarrassing things that happened to us before which now make us smile. Share those stories with her and listen to hers.
 
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