Men - tell me the truth, do you really want to date me but marry your mom?


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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #1  April 17,2010, 3:12pm

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I've definitley found this to have some basis in my life.

The man that knew he wanted to marry me and would have moved heaven and earth to be with me and it never made complete sense to me...his mom and I were pretty similiar, even had the same birthday. (not to imply we got along great, but we were similiar people).

My relationships that ended the worst -- the men were very attracted to me, especially at first and loved my personality -- things ended. My own father asked about their moms....and quickly pointed out how totally opposite I am of both of their mothers.

I posted some examples in another thread but will leave this open for now.

I've had two fairly long term relationships end painfully and at the end of the day it had nothing to do with attraction, love, etc. It seems more to me that ultimatley they are looking for somene more like their mom....even though they complain about her all the time (these were particularly demanding women who were very invovled in their lives).

I think it also can be a cultural thing. That at the end of the day, not only do you want to marry your mom, you want to raise your kids with the same religion or traditions. That doesn't stop you from dating the exact opposite...

I also think it's a maturity thing. Once some of these men perhaps learn to take care of themselves they no longer feel the need to marry their mom.

But I don't know how much of it is subconscious.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #2  April 17,2010, 3:17pm
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Hmmm, interesting that you raise this issue.

I've seen the opposite. I tend to be the caretaker in a relationship: nurturing, like to cook, bake, take care of things like creature comforts, pretty easy-going, etc. The men who've wanted to marry me all had bossy moms who were aloof and uninvolved, and in one case crazy.

Maybe that proves your theory. Now I'm really confused.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #3  April 17,2010, 3:18pm
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Probably no more than women want to marry someone like their dad ...*boggle*.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #4  April 17,2010, 3:21pm
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My mom is way too old for me, and polygamy is illegal in our state.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  April 17,2010, 3:25pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Do we men want to date certain women but not marry them? First of all, I don't think the appropriate word would be date. It would be a word for having sex with. I don't think many men simply want to pay for taking women out simply to go on dates with no potential future....unless there is going to be sex involved.

Regarding your question (at least how I interpret it)....there is a fairly large set of women that I'd be willing to have sex with (if I wasn't in a relationship). There is a subset of this group that I would be interested in having a LTR with. These are overlapping groups.

The women I'd be interested in having a LTR with probably do share some qualities that my mother has.....but they probably have even more differences. That said, my parents do generally seem to like the kind of women that I get into LTRs with.
 
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Capt_L_Mandrake is offline Capt_L_Mandrake Post #6  April 17,2010, 3:26pm
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Simple answer - NO.

I love my mom,but I have found that the types of women that I have been attracted to do not really have any personalities similarities to my mother, they may share a few qualities, but they are nothing like my mother. I have found that all of them are fellow introverts - something that my mom is definitely NOT . Sure, qualities like "honesty" come about - but those are qualities that you would want from any partner.

For myself, the biggest turn on is not playing games with me - something that one could not apply to their own mother.

I want romantic intimacy with a woman, not another mom.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #7  April 17,2010, 3:30pm

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jayjay wrote :
Do we men want to date certain women but not marry them? First of all, I don't think the appropriate word would be date. It would be a word for having sex with. I don't think many men simply want to pay for taking women out simply to go on dates with no potential future....unless there is going to be sex involved.

Regarding your question (at least how I interpret it)....there is a fairly large set of women that I'd be willing to have sex with (if I wasn't in a relationship). There is a subset of this group that I would be interested in having a LTR with. These are overlapping groups.

The women I'd be interested in having a LTR with probably do share some qualities that my mother has.....but they probably have even more differences. That said, my parents do generally seem to like the kind of women that I get into LTRs with.
yeah I get what you are saying about the 'sex' thing but in both cases it seems to me like the men I'm thinking of were taking it to that level with me and then one day they just realized it wouldn't work with me long term...they still loved me, still liked me, still were attracted to me, etc.

Both of them have demanding mothers who call every day and tell them what to do.

the more I get involved with a guy the more leeway I give him to make decisions for us both. I think to these particular men it's a major turn-off as they can only handle a woman who is in control all the time, like their moms. I should also add both moms were divorced and raised them for a large portion of their life, single.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #8  April 17,2010, 3:31pm

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Capt_L_Mandrake wrote :
Simple answer - NO.

I love my mom,but I have found that the types of women that I have been attracted to do not really have any personalities similarities to my mother, they may share a few qualities, but they are nothing like my mother. I have found that all of them are fellow introverts - something that my mom is definitely NOT . Sure, qualities like "honesty" come about - but those are qualities that you would want from any partner.

For myself, the biggest turn on is not playing games with me - something that one could not apply to their own mother.

I want romantic intimacy with a woman, not another mom.
well they are very attracted to me....it seems sort of a ...one year later kind of thing, like they realize I'm just too opposite of their mom.

Meanwhile they are complaining about her and avoiding her incessant phone calls.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #9  April 17,2010, 3:32pm

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lacedwithhope wrote :
Hmmm, interesting that you raise this issue.

I've seen the opposite. I tend to be the caretaker in a relationship: nurturing, like to cook, bake, take care of things like creature comforts, pretty easy-going, etc. The men who've wanted to marry me all had bossy moms who were aloof and uninvolved, and in one case crazy.

Maybe that proves your theory. Now I'm really confused.
did they actually marry you or 'take it to the limit' so to speak? did you actually marry one?

Because these have been serious relationships for me too. It seems to be something that surfaces after I've invested a lot.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #10  April 17,2010, 3:35pm

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BikerBeagle wrote :
Probably no more than women want to marry someone like their dad ...*boggle*.
I like the values my dad has, but tend to want to marry men who are quite different.

Put it this way, I kind of wish I was attracted to men more like my dad I'd probably have better luck.

One caveat. My dad was pilot and a bit of a McGyver.

I do like pilots...and McGyvers
 
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