She let me pay and then dumped me!


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fanofsteel is offline fanofsteel Post #1  April 14,2010, 7:34pm
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Is it right for a woman to let a guy pay for the date and then dump him at the end of it?

OK, here's the whole story: I did four dates with a woman I met on eH. Through the first three dates, I probably paid about 2/3 of the expense. On the fourth date, we do dinner, she doesn't even offer to pay, and at the end she says, "You're a nice guy but I don't see this really going anywhere."

In general I don't at all mind that the guy usually pays more than the woman, especially on dates early in the relationship. And in this particular case, I wasn't very upset that she ended our brief little run because she was right -- the chemistry between us was limited. But put together it seemed insensitive.

Based on her body language and her giving almost no attempt to make conversation from the time we sat down to dinner, it was pretty clear to me that she went into that date with the intent of ending it. As we walked back to our cars she was like, "Thanks for spending $25 bucks on me; oh by the way, I decided recently I'm not really interested in you." She didn't literally say that, but that's how it felt.

I'm pretty much over it and I'm mostly just venting here, but I thought this might make for interesting discussion.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  April 14,2010, 7:38pm
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fanofsteel wrote :
In general I don't at all mind that the guy usually pays more than the woman, especially on dates early in the relationship. And in this particular case, I wasn't very upset that she ended our brief little run because she was right -- the chemistry between us was limited. But put together it seemed insensitive.

If you don't enjoy getting ripped off, stop letting it happen.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  April 14,2010, 7:38pm
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uh youre trying to start a war?

she said exactly "thanks for spending 25 bucks on me"?

these conversations on here almost always amount to nothing at all except for the same old arguments. i realize that you are new, but really. what were you expecting her to do? write you a check?
 
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penpen2 is offline penpen2 Post #4  April 14,2010, 7:41pm
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There will be other women for you! Don't let this one sour you for the others. Next!
 
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fanofsteel is offline fanofsteel Post #5  April 14,2010, 7:50pm
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[quote=Nanette;949050]uh youre trying to start a war?

she said exactly "thanks for spending 25 bucks on me"?

these conversations on here almost always amount to nothing at all except for the same old arguments. i realize that you are new, but really. what were you expecting her to do? write you a check?[/quote]

What's so bad about gender war?

Um, did you miss the part where I said she didn't literally say that? Hard to think you did, since it was the next sentence.

Is it crazy to think she might've offered to pay half when the bill came?
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #6  April 14,2010, 7:52pm
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  April 14,2010, 7:54pm
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fanofsteel wrote :
Um, did you miss the part where I said she didn't literally say that? Hard to think you did, since it was the next sentence.
yeah i did till i looked at your post again. i didnt feel like correcting my post, because i was sure someone would come along and correct me
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  April 14,2010, 7:55pm
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op then make it clear from the get go that you want them to pay their own way. weed out the ones you dont want.

but my guess is that you know you will weed out a lot that you would want to date.

cant have it both ways
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #9  April 14,2010, 7:55pm
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fanofsteel wrote :
Is it crazy to think she might've offered to pay half when the bill came?
"Para sonar no cuesta nada"

(They say that in Peru a lot. there are lotsa po' folks there.)

It means, "To dream, costs nothing"
 
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talanon is offline talanon Post #10  April 14,2010, 7:57pm
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Fan,

No, it's not crazy to expect her to pay half, generally.

It sounds like all put together it was a rough deal for you. If she truly was that apathetic, she should have declined dinner, agreed to meet for coffee or something to let you know she was done (better than over the phone) and let it go at that.

On the devil's advocate side, maybe she didn't have a clue how to tell you it was over, and totally botched the whole job. Hard to say.

Bright side - over, done, and you're moving on, right?
 
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