Dating, Google, and Boundaries


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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #1  April 14,2010, 10:12am
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Another thread made me wonder about this. Back before all the information was freely posted online, we shared our personal information with our dates voluntarily over time as we got to know them, got comfortable and felt it was appropriate.

However, nowadays, a stranger you've never met before can show up on the first date armed with full knowledge about where you live, work, even what your house looks like, how much you paid in property taxes last year, how many companies you own, etc.

Here is the thing - all of the above information has always been public record. However, back then, if your date actually went to the county tax collector's office to look you up, they would be hands down considered creepy, stalkerish and there was no doubt that this person crossed some lines. Today, the same individual can simply Google your name and access all of this information in minutes. So where do we draw the line now on what is inappropriate or too much or would be considered crossing the line in terms of accessing personal information about their date? Just because it's readily and easily available does that automatically make it OK? Thoughts?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  April 14,2010, 10:19am
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Interesting question.

Another thing that has changed though, is how people meet. In the long ago days of halcyon yesteryear, you got introduced by your parents or mutual friends, etc. Nowadays you can find yourself dating someone nobody you know knows anything about.

Maybe it's more appropriate under these circumstances to go ahead research someone?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  April 14,2010, 10:29am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
Interesting question.

Another thing that has changed though, is how people meet. In the long ago days of halcyon yesteryear, you got introduced by your parents or mutual friends, etc. Nowadays you can find yourself dating someone nobody you know knows anything about.

Maybe it's more appropriate under these circumstances to go ahead research someone?
lol...I guess I'm not going quite that far back. I mean you met people in college, strangers in classes, clubs, social events, bars, etc. You did not know them, your social circle was not related to them, they were and are very much a random stranger, yet you did not hire a PI to research them prior to your date.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  April 14,2010, 10:42am
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That's true. I guess I was thinking of the 1800's for some reason. LOL!

I'd have no qualms researching anything about someone who was pinging my little red flags. "wants money". "stories not adding up". "prison tats" ...

But your average date, who seems like "a nice guy", you just don't know much about him? It does seem kind of invasive.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  April 14,2010, 10:43am
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You know, before I meet an eHarmony match for the first time I have not told them my last name or where I work or a whole of other personal information. And when I give them my phone number I give my cell phone number.

Even knowing my first and last names, when you Google me you get nearly 7 million hits and I am no where near the few million. So I just have no idea what you could find out about me with the scant information that I give out. I also do not ask for any personal information prior to meeting.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #6  April 14,2010, 10:46am
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It is scary to think about how much information you can gather on someone with little or no cost. I mean, I can google a map to my house, and actually see a picture of my house online. So, if people get my address, they can see exactly where I live and how to get to it. While I have never used the service (and probably never would unless it was a need) I do seem to get the strange women who have checkered pasts interested in me. But even still, some things are better left not knowing! ;-)
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  April 14,2010, 11:14am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
But your average date, who seems like "a nice guy", you just don't know much about him? It does seem kind of invasive.
Right. So where do we draw the line now on what's OK and what's invasive and gone too far?
 
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cleanslate is offline cleanslate Post #8  April 14,2010, 11:21am
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I would not go out with someone without at least knowing their full name - no matter where I met them. It's just a personal safety issue.

I readily give my full name. As far as I can tell, there are only 4 women in the USA with my name (I have an unusual last name), so you would definitely locate me. And I've written things for work that were uploaded, so you would see a sample of my work product.

Seriously, the cashier at the grocery store or the waiter at the restaurant can figure out your full name (as if they care), as can any neighbor, even if you don't know them, anyone you work with, including strangers if you work for a big corporation, etc. Giving someone my name is not a big concern to me. My prospective date can google away - I have nothing to hide. And hopefully they don't either - or else we won't be going out.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #9  April 14,2010, 11:41am
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I would definitely like to know their first and last name as well. But, as far as using websites to find out where they live, how much they are worth, their whole history, I would much rather my date provide the information to me if she so chooses.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #10  April 14,2010, 11:49am
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I think some of you are being paranoid. The information that's out there as public information was out there before Al Gore invented the internet. You had to dig a little harder but it was there. Once you knew a person's name you could look them up in the phone book and get a map and find their house.

Some of the claims about information on Google seem exaggerated. When I Googled myself my name came up on a search site and all that's there is my address. If you want more info (if they have it) you have to pay to find out. And guess what? It's the same information on record at the local county office building.

Probably, about the only useful information you'll find on the internet about a prospective date is an arrest record. Maybe. Unless it was written about in a newspaper, you'd have to pay a search site or go to his / her local courthouse and start looking.

Anyway, it doesn't bother me if someone Googles me. Have fun. There's nothing there.
 
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