Your Dating Image - What You Need to Know

Your Dating Image - What You Need to Know

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Your Dating Image - What You Need to Know


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pixie77 is offline pixie77 Post #1  April 14,2010, 6:45am
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Wow...Dr. Fischer gives some really in-depth advice!  I usually don't read these types of columns but I recognized Dr. Fischer's name and was surprised and kind of intrigued to see him here.  He's right; that first date does mean everything, your entire self is on display and if you don't have it all together there may not be a second date. Thanks so much Dr. Fischer, keep em' coming .
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  April 14,2010, 7:43am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Wow, now I only have 3 seconds to have my match determine that she does not want a second date.

Then Dr. Stuart Fischer is suggesting that I "change" myself to be what I perceive that society or my match thinks I should be like. In other words put on an act and not be myself.

Then he is suggesting that the only successful daters are going to be those who spend their life in the gym. (Work on your muscular physique)

And you must have the correct hair, style, color, texture, etc. or you will be unsuccessful. (Work on your hair)

Then it is not enough that I spend all my time at the gym and hair salon I now have to find some time to spend getting skin treatments and getting just the right tan or I won't be successful. (Work on your skin).

Then I guess I just have to independently wealthy since I am spending so much time at the gym, hair salon and spa to have time to actually work. But I must have a lot of money in order to afford to have the latest designer style clothes to wear or I won't be successful. (Work on your clothes)

This article certainly goes against all of what eHarmony preaches about your inner self being what makes for a successful relationship.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #3  April 14,2010, 7:49am
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... is like a nice warm vibratey feeling all through your guttiwuts.

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Woo Hoo! A short-hand guide on how to be a narcissistic playa!

*barfs*
 
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KarenRLB is offline KarenRLB Post #4  April 14,2010, 7:53am
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I was most annoyed with clothing being a seal or break the deal for future dates. I am thinking the message here is that women should show lots of skin in order to be considered as datable.
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #5  April 14,2010, 8:00am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Wow, now I only have 3 seconds to have my match determine that she does not want a second date.
I'm pretty sure that most of my soon-to-be lovers have made this assessment in < 5 minutes. More than 3 seconds, but close enough for government work.

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Then Dr. Stuart Fischer is suggesting that I "change" myself to be what I perceive that society or my match thinks I should be like. In other words put on an act and not be myself.
What I read was that superficial changes, which I don't read as necessarily changing oneself, can make a big difference in how you are perceived by the opposite sex. I'd bet that, in general at least, this is correct.

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Then he is suggesting that the only successful daters are going to be those who spend their life in the gym. (Work on your muscular physique)
I go to the gym a lot (for health reasons) but I will never be muscular by any stretch of the imagination...

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
And you must have the correct hair, style, color, texture, etc. or you will be unsuccessful. (Work on your hair)
I don't have hair; well not much anyway...

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Then it is not enough that I spend all my time at the gym and hair salon I now have to find some time to spend getting skin treatments and getting just the right tan or I won't be successful. (Work on your skin).
I'm as white as the driven snow; okay another slight exaggeration, but tan I'm not...

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Then I guess I just have to independently wealthy since I am spending so much time at the gym, hair salon and spa to have time to actually work. But I must have a lot of money in order to afford to have the latest designer style clothes to wear or I won't be successful. (Work on your clothes)
I am absolutely lacking in sartorial savoir-faire...

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
This article certainly goes against all of what eHarmony preaches about your inner self being what makes for a successful relationship.
...and yet I'm married. You do the math.
 
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TXButtercup is offline TXButtercup Post #6  April 14,2010, 8:21am
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It is amazing that people have any level of self confidence at all after being constantly told how their outward appearance (and to the level of detail) is such a make or break in a few seconds.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #7  April 14,2010, 8:25am

blames self-help books

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TXButtercup wrote :
It is amazing that people have any level of self confidence at all after being constantly told how their outward appearance (and to the level of detail) is such a make or break in a few seconds.
If I could give you a hundred stars I would. That was the exact impression I got. How about an article about what everyone is doing right for a change. Oh that's right, that would be joining eHa.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  April 14,2010, 8:28am
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Pixie, do you work for Dr Fischer? I see he runs a weight-loss clinic. Is it possible this skews his views, or at least what he says on a board like this?

In fact it's surprising EH posts this as an advice article ... really it seems more like an ad, to me. It has his CV and website at the bottom.

I don't think weight, skin, clothes blah blah have ever been the primary thing I retained after meeting a new man. It's always been "what was it like interacting with this guy".
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #9  April 14,2010, 8:30am
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insertscreenname wrote :
Woo Hoo! A short-hand guide on how to be a narcissistic playa!

*barfs*
"The Picture of Dorian Gray" springs to mind.
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #10  April 14,2010, 8:33am
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TXButtercup wrote :
It is amazing that people have any level of self confidence at all after being constantly told how their outward appearance (and to the level of detail) is such a make or break in a few seconds.
But if you look around at real couples you can see almost immediately that this is not true, at least for the most part. Why let what you are being told by people paid to say something provocative (in many cases) override what you can see with your own eyes?
 
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