Your Dating Image - What You Need to Know

Your Dating Image - What You Need to Know

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Your Dating Image - What You Need to Know


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illustrator is offline illustrator Post #41  July 9,2010, 9:26am
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sireadsalot wrote :
I believe that honesty is critical in order to find a good match.
I have a very minor disability that affects the way that I walk. I indicated this in the "things people notice about me” section.
I am not self-conscious about the issue of my disability and believe that I should disclose it openly.
After 6 months on the site and only one date, I am beginning to believe that the mention of this albeit minor flaw has a limiting effect on my success. I question whether it is in fact best to withhold this pearl of honesty until I am actively communicating with someone.
Any thoughts?
If it's really that minor, leave it off your profile.
I wouldn't even mention it in active communication.
Since your matches can't see how minor it is, they may be imagining the worst.

Now this is assuming it is really a MINOR thing. If not, then the matches may feel deceived.
 
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DCgirl1001 is offline DCgirl1001 Post #42  August 17,2010, 11:42am
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I joined the forum in order to gather some constructive criticism on an issue loosely related to this article.
 
When I created my profile I was determined to be completely honest when completing each section. I believe that honesty is critical in order to find a good match.
I have a very minor disability that affects the way that I walk. I indicated this in the "things people notice about me” section.
I am not self-conscious about the issue of my disability and believe that I should disclose it openly.
After 6 months on the site and only one date, I am beginning to believe that the mention of this albeit minor flaw has a limiting effect on my success. I question whether it is in fact best to withhold this pearl of honesty until I am actively communicating with someone.
Any thoughts?
I think if it is minor you should leave it off and mention it once you start communicating.Your profile should reflect who you really are but I am sure there are other attributes that you could talk about in that line. I interpret that question as what makes this person stand apart from the other matches that pop up. If you typed in self-confidence in that box rather than a minor disability that affects how you walk you will probably get more responses. I agree with the person before that people are going to interpret it as being worse than what it is. If I typed that I was 10 lbs. overweight in that box it might be honest but it would be interpreted as that is the first thing people notice about me and men would assume I was 30 or 40 lbs overweight even if the picture was current.  
 
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astro42 is offline astro42 Post #43  August 17,2010, 11:48am
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Thread necromancer!

There have been a number of people on the advice site who have had poor luck getting dates for a variety of reasons. It could be the mention of your disability, or it could be any other number of factors.

Specifically, I would not be put off by someone waiting until OC to mention a minor disability. So, you could always remove the mention of it and see if your luck improves.

Alternatively, you could adjust the settings on your account to try and get a wider range of matches. Finally, you could post your full profile in the Using Eharmony forum to get feedback from people here.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #44  August 17,2010, 12:21pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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This is an old thread but I'm a bit bored waiting for my film to come on and an article this stupid deserves a bit of attention.

So I'm paraphrasing but I think I read that people judge us on our appearance and we should have a little think about our appearance before we go on a date? Did this man get paid for that? Did anyone here (or anywhere for that matter) not already know this?

Furthermore he suggests that if we don't look good we should try harder to look better. Insightful. Not.

He also completely ignores the fact that no matter how you look you're being interpreted through someone else's lens. So dating lady might look fantastic with her third button undone. If her date's ex was a terrible, cheating flirt chances are he'll judge her harshly for it. If his ex was a prude and lacked passion, chances are he'll like her more for it. There is no optimum button choice she could have made. You can't please all the people, all the time. (There are, of course, male dress examples but unlike Dr Seuss or whatever he's called, I won't insult your intelligence by stating the bleeding obvious).
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #45  August 17,2010, 12:27pm
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Hi DCgirl! Welcome to EHA.

There have been several threads on your question about whether to put disability on a profile. Usually the answer is no. People seem to be split on talking about it at some point in GC/OC, before first meet, or not.

Personally I don't think you have to talk about it to someone until it's relevant for some reason. E.g. they ask you out to do some sport activity that's hard for you because of it.

Feel free to start new threads when you have questions like this. You don't have to find old threads and add to them. Have fun here!
 
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ChicagoClare is offline ChicagoClare Post #46  January 25,2011, 2:57pm
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Men are visual...period. So when I started dating again (Nov 2010), I decided to change my diet and excercise again. I had fallen off the wagon and had gain a significant amount a weight (now I've lost 7 lbs, yeah). I'm also in the process of getting braces.Unfortunately ladies, if you want to snag him and keep him, you have to stay in shape and look good (not like a model but good). It really benefits you in the long run anyway. Guys notice things like disabilities, weight, skin, teeth.....It doesn't make them chauvinists. It's just how they are: visual. The way I see it, eating right, excercising, braces will benefit me in a good way so it's win win. Im never going to get plastic surgery or do anything terribly drastic to myself to impress a guy but I do know that guys appreciate the physical FIRST.
 
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barfly2012 is offline barfly2012 Post #47  August 16,2011, 6:51pm
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If you have ever read Neil Straus's "the game" it's full of "self-improvement" steps guys can use to meet/pickup women. The basic jist is "women don't care as much about looks as we think they do", but they care about how we present ourselves.

How we talk, walk, our posture, our clothes, physical fitness, grooming, our weight etc. (good thing they dont care about looks, otherwise nobody would buy the book!) Btw, women went crazy for elvis, not meatloaf right?)

It offers a program to "change" how we interact with people and women and become more social, self confident, and more succesful with women and people in general.

In a way this is what the author was saying too. We have to change things about ourselves in order to draw people to us and thus we feel better about ourselves. Im on the fence about all of it.

It's great news that we can attract people even if we are not supermodels, and we can change how people perceive us, but if it does make a difference, it's not something that is going to happen overnight, it takes a major re invention of yourself, and is it something that I want to be?

Do I want to be somebody who has to alter the way I came, to impress the world? Do I take the "if they dont like me heck with them attitude? " or do I try to find out what im doing wrong and fix it? or do I simply look for people like myself, and live off that?

A dating tip is one thing and do able, but a personality makeover and a wardrobe makeover, and a weight makeover, just to meet girls seems a bit counter productive.

What happened to losing 15 pounds because you need to lower your blood pressure? I think these kind of progams do address some fundamental issues people have, but it does seem a bit over the top, and possibly difficult to maintain for life. We have enough trouble getting out of bed, eating breakfast, brushing our teeth and getting out to work!
Last edited by barfly2012; August 16,2011 at 6:59pm.
 
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CurbedMyEnthusiasm is offline CurbedMyEnthusiasm Post #48  August 16,2011, 7:19pm
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KarenRLB wrote :
I was most annoyed with clothing being a seal or break the deal for future dates. I am thinking the message here is that women should show lots of skin in order to be considered as datable.
I didn't get that from the article, but I do see where you're coming from.

I don't see anything objectionable about that article, nor particularly insightful. Be well groomed and dress in a flattering way. Ehh, who didn't know this?

Although, now that I think about it, how many guys have that 1 shirt that looks great on them they love to wear, even if it's a few years old? How many of you ladies know men's fashion well enough to spot a shirt from two season's ago? Haha, so maybe the article did something for me after all.
 
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