VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #1  April 12,2010, 6:58pm
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In another thread, JayJay had the following comment:

jayjay wrote :
{...} Not-contacting itself was a communication.
Most of us have been on the receiving end of this type of communication (or lack thereof). If this happened in any other facet of your life (doctor, friend, boss, etc.) would you find this acceptable? Probably not, yet why is it okay to do this on a dating site?
Last edited by VB_Girl; April 12,2010 at 7:15pm.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  April 12,2010, 7:03pm
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Because people secretly like to pretend they have the power to hurt other people, when they have the luxury of not looking the other person in the face at the time?

***

Me, I like to think that it isn't okay.

Poofing, ignoring, not ansering your e-mail, etc, is like I go into the grocery store and spit on the girl scouts selling cookies.

But then, those who poof will always rationalize it, won't they?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  April 12,2010, 7:03pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Actually.....friends and I do something along these lines at times. It's the "You don't need to contact me regarding our plans unless something changes." Non-communication means nothing has changed.

Then there's the type of invitation my old professor (who was English) used to send out: "Apologies only". This meant you didn't need to make any type of contact if you were coming to an event.....you only needed to let him know if you weren't coming. Again....non-communication means an implicit communication.

Also, have you ever gone to a job interview and they told you "We'll call you.....". I think you know what it means when they don't call. ; )

P.S. It makes me nervous seeing the word "snipped" right after my name. lol
Last edited by jayjay; April 12,2010 at 7:08pm.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  April 12,2010, 7:05pm
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In that view I don't see it any different than discontinuing contact with someone else you met any other way.

For instance, just because you met someone at a party but you weren't interested doesn't mean you contact them and say you're not interested.

Maybe we'll have to come to some sort of a consensus for the definition of a poofer.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  April 12,2010, 7:08pm
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jayjay wrote :
Actually.....friends and I do something along these lines at times. It's the "You don't need to contact me regarding our plans unless something changes." Non-communication means nothing has changed.

Then there's the type of invitation my old professor (who was English) used to send out: "Apologies only". This meant you didn't need to make any type of contact if you were coming to an event.....you only needed to let him know if you weren't coming. Again....non-communication means an implicit communication.

What a lovely idea!

I think I'll start sending random women "Ruth's Chris this Friday at 7:00."

Any woman who fails to decline is thus accepting?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  April 12,2010, 7:11pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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D_Lion wrote :
What a lovely idea!

I think I'll start sending random women "Ruth's Chris this Friday at 7:00."

Any woman who fails to decline is thus accepting?
LOL. When us grad students got the first of these invitations say "Apologies only" we looked at each other and said "What the heck does that mean?" Eventually we figured it out. Sort of the opposite of R.S.V.P. I think it may also be a British thing.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #7  April 12,2010, 7:15pm
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jayjay wrote :
Actually.....friends and I do something along these lines at times. It's the "You don't need to contact me regarding our plans unless something changes." Non-communication means nothing has changed.

Then there's the type of invitation my old professor (who was English) used to send out: "Apologies only". This meant you didn't need to make any type of contact if you were coming to an event.....you only needed to let him know if you weren't coming. Again....non-communication means an implicit communication.

Also, have you ever gone to a job interview and they told you "We'll call you.....". I think you know what it means when they don't call. ; )

P.S. It makes me nervous seeing the word "snipped" right after my name. lol
I think both are a little different. In the first scenario you already have plans and no communication is fine.

The second sounds like an event where you need to plan for food and beverage and thus need a head count.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #8  April 12,2010, 7:17pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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One question I have is: do you think a woman who doesn't contact me after a date would/could/should complain about me not contacting her?
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #9  April 12,2010, 7:18pm
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jayjay wrote :
LOL. When us grad students got the first of these invitations say "Apologies only" we looked at each other and said "What the heck does that mean?" Eventually we figured it out. Sort of the opposite of R.S.V.P. I think it may also be a British thing.
It is the opposite of RSVP. I have a friend (who is no British) who sometimes asks for regrets only to her parties.

P.S. I've revised the word after your name in my original post. Unfortunately for you, it's been quoted.
 
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username_already_exists is offline username_already_exists Post #10  April 12,2010, 7:20pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Me, I like to think that it isn't okay
ditto.

I don't believe in "poofing". I like closure. so, I always let my date know if there won't be another date.

sure. they can figure it out if you don't. but I firmly believe that it's common courtesy. treating people as you would want to be treated.
 
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