red_shoes is offline red_shoes Post #1  April 12,2010, 5:50pm
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Since joining the online dating world this has happened to me as well as a few of my friends, so I'd like to get to the bottom of it.

You get matched with someone great, get through the communication stages, and maybe you even go out/meet, but then the match says that they aren't ready to date! They explain that they haven't fully gotten over the demise of their last relationship, and it wouldn't be fair to date you at this time.

It seems like a lot of online daters use the service as way to get over someone, which is unfortunate, but makes sense.

1. Is saying you aren't ready to date a scapegoat excuse for just not being interested or is it a legit reason?
2. Why do these people take the effort to explain as apposed to just saying they aren't interested in going out again?
3. What type emotional issues keep you from being able to date again (the freakout triggers)?

If you have used this excuse or had it given to you, I'd like to hear your thoughts.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  April 12,2010, 5:52pm
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No. It means they're just not that into you.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  April 12,2010, 6:01pm
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I disagree that people consciously sign up on dating sites with the intent of using it to get over their last relationship. Though you do encounter some who did sign up too soon.

It could be any of the reasons you listed or even something else. It would depend on the particular person. At least they are telling you that they are not interested in you which is more than most people are willing to do. It really does not matter what reason someone give for not being interested in you. Personally I consider that it really is their loss as I consider that I do fit my screen name.

You (I) encounter #3 mostly whenever I have been stupid enough to go out with a widow.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  April 12,2010, 6:02pm
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Say I have been for awhile with no partner, and I am fine with this ...

Then I go on a date with a new partner, and find that I was thinking of my past partner, unexpectedly?

***

I think it is your date's fault for not understanding if they were ready, of course, but that is not a character flaw, or reason to drop someone.

Personally, if a woman (who I otherwise liked) gave me a comment like "I'm not ready," I'd try to keep that one in play (since I know I will unseat her ex from her emotions soon enough.)
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #5  April 12,2010, 6:09pm
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Scape-goat.
 
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fanofsteel is offline fanofsteel Post #6  April 12,2010, 6:14pm
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red_shoes wrote :
Since joining the online dating world this has happened to me as well as a few of my friends, so I'd like to get to the bottom of it.

You get matched with someone great, get through the communication stages, and maybe you even go out/meet, but then the match says that they aren't ready to date! They explain that they haven't fully gotten over the demise of their last relationship, and it wouldn't be fair to date you at this time.

It seems like a lot of online daters use the service as way to get over someone, which is unfortunate, but makes sense.

1. Is saying you aren't ready to date a scapegoat excuse for just not being interested or is it a legit reason?
2. Why do these people take the effort to explain as apposed to just saying they aren't interested in going out again?
3. What type emotional issues keep you from being able to date again (the freakout triggers)?

If you have used this excuse or had it given to you, I'd like to hear your thoughts.
It's certainly possible it's a legit reason, but also pretty likely that s/he's just letting you down easy. I've used the excuse as a way of telling women I'm just not interested. But I realized that I should probably be more genuine, so I don't do that anymore; now I just tell them I'm not interested.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  April 12,2010, 6:16pm
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ThePriestess wrote :
Scape-goat.

Fence-broke?
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #8  April 12,2010, 6:27pm
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Probably 9 out of 10 times it is just an excuse. Some people are game players at any age.
 
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illustrator is offline illustrator Post #9  April 12,2010, 6:33pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Fence-broke?
No moat.
 
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illustrator is offline illustrator Post #10  April 12,2010, 6:43pm
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red_shoes wrote :
1. Is saying you aren't ready to date a scapegoat excuse for just not being interested or is it a legit reason?
The end result is the same.

red_shoes wrote :
2. Why do these people take the effort to explain as apposed to just saying they aren't interested in going out again?
If someone say they're not interested, the other party will ask, "Why?"
 
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