gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #1  April 12,2010, 7:02am
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Talking with a single mother recently who has a child of similar age to mine the subject of dating experiences came up, and how much easier it is for a dad like me to find a woman than it is for a mum like her to find a man.
It's not something i've ever devoted much thought to but thinking of various dates i guess i can see her point, women do seem more interested in single dads than men are interested in single mums.
I get a lot of comments about how nice it is to see me involved in my sons life and pumping me for more information about exactly how involved i am, what we do together and so on, the heads tilt sideways and the unspoken "Awwwwww..." hangs in the air while you can almost see the boxes being ticked behind their eyes, single, not gay, fertile, not afraid of lifetime commitments and not likely to do a Houdini when the wanting children discussion comes up.
Even the women who don't want children seem to see it more as a logistical problem than a negative unless they actively dislike children and don't want to be around them.

On the other side of the coin a woman i work with was dumped the day she told her boyfriend that she was pregnant and hasn't seen him or a date since and is beginning to feel like a leper because of the dust clouds receding to the horizon the instant she mentions her child.

So i guess the question is why is my son an asset while hers is baggage?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  April 12,2010, 7:05am
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Women are biologically more attuned to raising and caring for children than men are.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  April 12,2010, 7:41am

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and because of that, it's a novelty to see really active single dads and custodial dads, though i think it's becoming more common.

I think sometimes men tend to veiw another mans child as a reminder of the ex, or competition ( I just watched a documentary on lions! lol) or whatever.

most women get all moist over a guy who is awesome with kids, because it is a indicator or future performance
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  April 12,2010, 8:19am
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Yes to above, especially the Lions part.

To me caring and involved dads are also more attractive because I interpret that as "good values, has patience and empathy, can handle commitment, has a soft heart".

Caring and involved moms? Maybe men just take that for granted in women (if so a mistake on their part)? Or I see a lot of posts here about "her kids are all over her profile ... I know how far down her priority list I would be!"
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  April 12,2010, 9:30am
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scarlet13 wrote :
and because of that, it's a novelty to see really active single dads and custodial dads, though i think it's becoming more common.

I think sometimes men tend to veiw another mans child as a reminder of the ex, or competition ( I just watched a documentary on lions! lol) or whatever.

most women get all moist over a guy who is awesome with kids, because it is a indicator or future performance
Yes, that would be along the lines of my guess. These qualities in men may be rare enough that finding a man who shows evidence of them outweighs any negatives for the women. For the men....it's just a matter of having to invest one's time and resources in a child that isn't one's own.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  April 12,2010, 9:41am

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Sassafras54 wrote :
Yes to above, especially the Lions part.

To me caring and involved dads are also more attractive because I interpret that as "good values, has patience and empathy, can handle commitment, has a soft heart".

Caring and involved moms? Maybe men just take that for granted in women (if so a mistake on their part)? Or I see a lot of posts here about "her kids are all over her profile ... I know how far down her priority list I would be!"
yeah, i think it's just expected of women to be that way, by both men and women.
because I think something that has hurt me online dating is that men may think I'm not a loving person because I don't want kids.
 
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891967 is offline 891967 Post #7  April 12,2010, 9:47am

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im a single mom attract to a single dad, but never get any of them yet...uggghhh
I thought single dad much more interested to a single lady
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #8  April 12,2010, 10:55am
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gothustartus wrote :
So i guess the question is why is my son an asset while hers is baggage?
My kids are my biggest assets. Now if only I could get them to contribute financially to the household.

Seriously, the men I meet say stuff like, "wow, you've got like six years until they're both out of the house, phew!" Pretty disconcerting. On the other hand, I love hearing about a man's kids. I have a young (30-something) friend who wanted to borrow my (then) 7 year old son because he said that he's a 'chick magnet.'

So, yes I agree with you and I suppose it's because many of us women are moms first, and single folk second. I'd like to find a man who thinks like this at least some of the time. Having my world revolve around my kids these last 10 years has benefited my children, but lessened my dating appeal. But the guys who've cared about my kids have all been great guys, so I think of my parenting role as a strict screening mechanism.
Last edited by lacedwithhope; April 12,2010 at 11:04am. Reason: Wow...only six? ; )
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #9  April 12,2010, 11:02am
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gothustartus wrote :
Talking with a single mother recently who has a child of similar age to mine the subject of dating experiences came up, and how much easier it is for a dad like me to find a woman than it is for a mum like her to find a man.

So i guess the question is why is my son an asset while hers is baggage?
I don't accept the premise. It sounds like yet another "My sex has it tougher than yours".

People of both sexes get rejected due to having kids and get accepted for the same reason.

I've seen enough comments from single dads who had trouble getting dates due to that fact. I also know plenty of childless men, including myself, who will accept women with kids but get no credit for that, more likely suspicion (such as what's wrong with us since we don't have our own kids, or we must have some sinister motives toward the kids, or we don't really like kids even when we insist we do, or we can't possibly understand what parenting is like).
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #10  April 12,2010, 11:15am

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this is a little OT but i was thinking about my dad from the other thread.

When i see a dad holding his kids hand, or playing, whatever, esp. if it's a girl- I smile. I don't get that feeling with a mom and child.

maybe it's because when i was growing up, most of the the moms stayed home with the kids and the dads worked, so the mothers were not only the caregivers but the disiplinarians. maybe familiarity does breed contempt, lol. anyway, the fathers were more of a novelty. they spoiled us, played with us, etc, etc. my dad routinely bought me ice cream before supper, ha.

anyway, maybe some grown up daughters get that same feeling when they see a single father.

*shrug
 
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