Rynok is offline Rynok Post #1  April 11,2010, 9:27pm
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So, I've had issues with this before, and seen it pay off for other people, although it's not really something I do because I consider it being pushy. Anyways, 3 examples follow.

Case 1:
Out on a date, waiter brings check, I take it and going to pay and the girl says "Don't worry, we can split it." so I'm like "Na, it's fine. I got this." and she's insists again. I feel pushy at that point, thinking that she wants to go dutch because she changed her mind and isn't interested and feels bad that I'm paying for her dinner when she feels no connection. She talked to me later about it, thought things were wonderful, and was really put off by the fact that I didn't insist on paying one more time. Is that kind of thing standard?

Case 2:
Out with a friend, her sister, and her sisters friend she uses for free drinks but "has no interest". The guy flirts with her, she acts disgusted and ignores him. He tries to touch her, she moves away and glares. He tries to kiss her, she turns her head so he kisses her neck or cheek. All night, this is going on. At the end of the night (after a few drinks) they are making out every 10s. Seriously? Is it not creepy to keep hitting on people that act so obviously not attracted to you? I know alcohol played a big part, but that's a HUGE change. On a similar vein, I've known people that get rejected by the same girl multiple times, but on like the 5th time she decides to date them and they end up working out as a couple.

Case 3:
Heard several times from girls how they want a guy to chase them, make them feel desireable, all that. So you go out, have fun, they later decide to "call it quits" and are upset that you didn't "fight to keep them". Kinda along the lines of "Well, he must not have liked me very much if he didn't fight to keep me from leaving.". Just seems childish to me, to be doing "relationship tests" like that.

Just hoping these are all weird extra-ordinary cases, but I'm not sure. I've always figured that if they reject you, they mean it, and unless something changes with you or them that makes you think you have a better chance...probably not a good idea to ask them out again. Also relates to how persistent you should be. Too much and your going to come across as creepy. Too little and your going to look like you don't care.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #2  April 11,2010, 9:37pm
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Case 1: If she insists but you want to appear interested say "I'll pay this time and you can pay next time." That way you've got credit for paying, respect for her offer, and a quasi-obligation for another date.

Case 2: The alcohol helps, but it's a fine line between persistence and harrassment. Learn to read the body language. If in doubt, back off.

Case 3: See Case 2

These are not extra-ordinary cases, but we spend a lifetime trying to figure out what messages we are sending and receiving.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #3  April 11,2010, 11:29pm
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Rynok wrote :
Case 1:
Out on a date, waiter brings check, I take it and going to pay and the girl says "Don't worry, we can split it." so I'm like "Na, it's fine. I got this." and she's insists again. I feel pushy at that point, thinking that she wants to go dutch because she changed her mind and isn't interested and feels bad that I'm paying for her dinner when she feels no connection. She talked to me later about it, thought things were wonderful, and was really put off by the fact that I didn't insist on paying one more time. Is that kind of thing standard?

Case 2:
Out with a friend, her sister, and her sisters friend she uses for free drinks but "has no interest". The guy flirts with her, she acts disgusted and ignores him. He tries to touch her, she moves away and glares. He tries to kiss her, she turns her head so he kisses her neck or cheek. All night, this is going on. At the end of the night (after a few drinks) they are making out every 10s. Seriously? Is it not creepy to keep hitting on people that act so obviously not attracted to you? I know alcohol played a big part, but that's a HUGE change. On a similar vein, I've known people that get rejected by the same girl multiple times, but on like the 5th time she decides to date them and they end up working out as a couple.

Case 3:
Heard several times from girls how they want a guy to chase them, make them feel desireable, all that. So you go out, have fun, they later decide to "call it quits" and are upset that you didn't "fight to keep them". Kinda along the lines of "Well, he must not have liked me very much if he didn't fight to keep me from leaving.". Just seems childish to me, to be doing "relationship tests" like that.
1. We can't win in that situation. If she really wanted you to pay, she shouldn't have offered to split but should have just graciously let you pay since you were already going to. Or in other words, don't suggest an option you don't want someone to take.

2. If she "has no interest" why did she make out with him? Sorry, but alcohol is not a valid answer. That's just an excuse people use after the fact to justify something they don't want to accept responsibility for.

I think he has just as much right to hit on her as she does to use him for free drinks, and since they ended up making out, why do you say she wasn't attracted to him? They sound like they deserve each other.

3. They want us to chase them, except when they don't. They want us to fight for them, except when they don't, in which case they consider it stalking, assault, or something equally negative.

Notice how all of these are examples of mixed signals?
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #4  April 12,2010, 1:22am
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Case 1
I always assume that people mean what they say so if a woman offers to split the bill it's reasonable to think that she actually does want to do that. If she's upset about having the offer taken up then she has no one to blame but herself for making it.

Case 2
I get the impression that this may be a weird long running thing between those two, while i'd think it's creepy that she treats him like such a nuisance while not actually telling him to get lost and he laps it up i would assume the two of them are adult enough to know what they're doing and would ignore it and get on with my own date.

Case 3
Destruct teasting is handy for cars but not so good for relationships. If a woman wants to test my interest in that way then she's already lost it, i don't play those games and have no time for people who think i'll jump through hoops on command, i'm not a circus poodle and won't be treated like one, i do have some self respect and i'm not going to stick around if someone decides to go to the toilet on it.
 
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mari3434 is offline mari3434 Post #5  April 12,2010, 2:36am
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Rynok wrote :
So, I've had issues with this before, and seen it pay off for other people, although it's not really something I do because I consider it being pushy. Anyways, 3 examples follow.

Case 1:
Out on a date, waiter brings check, I take it and going to pay and the girl says "Don't worry, we can split it." so I'm like "Na, it's fine. I got this." and she's insists again. I feel pushy at that point, thinking that she wants to go dutch because she changed her mind and isn't interested and feels bad that I'm paying for her dinner when she feels no connection. She talked to me later about it, thought things were wonderful, and was really put off by the fact that I didn't insist on paying one more time. Is that kind of thing standard?

Case 2:
Out with a friend, her sister, and her sisters friend she uses for free drinks but "has no interest". The guy flirts with her, she acts disgusted and ignores him. He tries to touch her, she moves away and glares. He tries to kiss her, she turns her head so he kisses her neck or cheek. All night, this is going on. At the end of the night (after a few drinks) they are making out every 10s. Seriously? Is it not creepy to keep hitting on people that act so obviously not attracted to you? I know alcohol played a big part, but that's a HUGE change. On a similar vein, I've known people that get rejected by the same girl multiple times, but on like the 5th time she decides to date them and they end up working out as a couple.

Case 3:
Heard several times from girls how they want a guy to chase them, make them feel desireable, all that. So you go out, have fun, they later decide to "call it quits" and are upset that you didn't "fight to keep them". Kinda along the lines of "Well, he must not have liked me very much if he didn't fight to keep me from leaving.". Just seems childish to me, to be doing "relationship tests" like that.

Just hoping these are all weird extra-ordinary cases, but I'm not sure. I've always figured that if they reject you, they mean it, and unless something changes with you or them that makes you think you have a better chance...probably not a good idea to ask them out again. Also relates to how persistent you should be. Too much and your going to come across as creepy. Too little and your going to look like you don't care.
I find example two just plain creepy - not persistent.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #6  April 12,2010, 4:02am
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Rynok wrote :
Case 3:
Heard several times from girls how they want a guy to chase them, make them feel desireable, all that. So you go out, have fun, they later decide to "call it quits" and are upset that you didn't "fight to keep them". Kinda along the lines of "Well, he must not have liked me very much if he didn't fight to keep me from leaving.". Just seems childish to me, to be doing "relationship tests" like that.
I have absolutely no interest in a woman that plays games like this. I'm an adult, not a middle school kid and frankly, I don't have time for silly garbage like this.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  April 12,2010, 5:11am
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Case 1 - yes once in a blue moon you will come across a woman who has to prove her independence and will be abrasive about it instead of graciously accepting and then picking up the tab another time. Most of the time, if she truly insists on splitting the check, it's because she friend zoned you. Not much you can do , but just go with the flow and see how things turn out following the date.

Case 2 - Careful with these kinds of situations. Often two people have an unspoken and established dynamic between them that you are not privy to. So if you tried that kind of persistence with a girl, you would get in trouble, but for them it's a mutual deal. It may not make sense to you, but it is what it is.

Case 3 - Not uncommon for the fish to give a tug on the line to see how determined the fisherman is and that comes in many shapes, shades and colors. In one way or another people do test their partner's depth of interest in the relationship at one point or another in some shape or form.
 
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Rynok is offline Rynok Post #8  April 12,2010, 5:38am
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As for Case 2, I figured they weren't interested because she didn't act interested till the very end, and because that's what her sister told me. (She might of been lying though, who knows...as you said, it is what it is. I was just more amazed by the fact that the dude didn't give up)

As for Case 3, testing relationships is ok, if you do it right. if I can't tell if a girl is really interested, I'll do a test by seeing if they call me back or if I'm the one always making calls. It shows they are interested. If I call 2-3x in a row, I'll offer something and say like "Call me when you get off work" or such. So I think there's kinda a fine line with the type of testing you do, just the example in Case 3 seems on the extreme of that (but when I talked to my gal pals, they all seemed to mostly agree that it was valid/they did it themselves).

Anyways, glad to hear I'm interpretting that stuff mostly right.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  April 12,2010, 5:46am
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In all three of your example cases the girls are playing games. You (I) don't know the rules to their games and they are not going to tell you the rules.

These types of women are much better left alone. Find a girl that is not into playing games.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  April 12,2010, 5:49am
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Rynok wrote :
As for Case 2, I figured they weren't interested because she didn't act interested till the very end, and because that's what her sister told me. (She might of been lying though, who knows...as you said, it is what it is. I was just more amazed by the fact that the dude didn't give up)
...
The guy is a player. He is not interested in a relationship with this girl, he is interested in getting in her pants. Once he has "won" he will be moving on to his next "prey".
 
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