Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #1  April 11,2010, 7:19am

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Is the "Disappearing Act" a common occurrence in online dating? During the initial phase of answering the standardized questions I sent an email to somone acking if they would like to begin open communication and start emailing each other.

Ten minutes later I received a warm response thanking me for my wonderful email and in the email she provided her phone number and personal email address and let me know that she would be happy to communicate by telephone if I preferred. The next day I sent an email thanking her for her phone number and stated that I would call her that evening. No one answered that evening when I called and I left a polite message saying I would try to reach her another time. I also left my number and let her know that she was welcome to return the call.

The next day I sent an email asking her to let me know when a good time to call would be. It's now been a week with no response. I'm new to online dating, is this type of action (just not responding) an ongoing practice? Why respond to my initial email?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  April 11,2010, 7:22am
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Yep, quite common.

It is not only in the online world that this happens. Happens IRL too.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #3  April 11,2010, 7:26am
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I think a week without a response can be explained by life's normal busy-ness: work pressures, illness, vacations, etc. I would give it at least another week.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  April 11,2010, 7:41am
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annother wrote :
I think a week without a response can be explained by life's normal busy-ness: work pressures, illness, vacations, etc. I would give it at least another week.

Not once one reached phone call stage, with someone they are interested in meeting.

A delay of one week is much more likely to be that they are not (yet) interested, or are more interested in one or more other people.
 
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VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #5  April 11,2010, 7:48am
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Perhaps she took a vacation, that's pretty common around here after Easter. I'd give her some more time to respond.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #6  April 11,2010, 7:48am
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The "disappearing act" ...or as we have affectionately termed it, "poofing" ...is extremely common in this day and age of dating. One could probably say that it is more likely for someone to 'poof' on you than they will legitimately 'break up' with you.

If this was just a matter of communicating via the formalized process provided by eHarmony, I'd agree with annother that she should be afforded some time to respond ...however, you've gone beyond that and, at her request, tried to call and left a voicemail message for her. As far as I'm concerned, you've met your 'obligation' to her and, now, the ball is in her court. I wouldn't have any hope for this working out, though.

Whatever you do, don't take it personally ...it probably wasn't.
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #7  April 11,2010, 7:49am

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D_Lion wrote :
Not once one reached phone call stage, with someone they are interested in meeting.

A delay of one week is much more likely to be that they are not (yet) interested, or are more interested in one or more other people.
I just found it somewhat ironic to receive an immediate response to the standard questions, then a quick response to my first email by them providing their telephone number and then, not responding to my subsequent phone call or email.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  April 11,2010, 7:59am
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It is extremely typical behavior.

You can't let it bug you, or you'll go crazy, though.

In all liklihood, she suddenly lost interest in you - which could be based on some insignificant thing she sensed in your communication - or she got a better match / made more progress with someone else.

I agree with just leaving the match open.

You made enough communications to her at this point, that it is clearly her turn to communicate back.

If she does, I would continue where I left off. I do consider that sort of flightiness concerning, however.
 
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phoenix888 is offline phoenix888 Post #9  April 11,2010, 9:31am
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This is a little odd on her part. I wouldn't dream of giving someone my phone number if I didn't intend to keep communicating.
She may have started dating someone else (multi-dating happens when doing the online thing). Or maybe she's ill or has been away.
See what happens... sorry you've stumbled upon a common online dating pit-fall. As others have said, don't take it personally!
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #10  April 11,2010, 9:52am
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annother wrote :
I think a week without a response can be explained by life's normal busy-ness: work pressures, illness, vacations, etc. I would give it at least another week.
It's hard to know why someone doesn't communicate with you for a week. I know I'm going sound like I'm sitting on the fence with this one.

On the one hand, it's true that life gets busy and hectic at times, but she should let him know that she's busy and give him a good time to phone. On the other hand, she's the one who suggested talking by phone. It's possible she had second thoughts and didn't want to go through with the phone call. If she hasn't contacted you by the end of the second week, it may be better to walk away and move on to the next person.
 
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