MHXXXV1 is offline MHXXXV1 Post #1  April 9,2010, 5:15am
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How do I meet someone to date?

Over the years I have not kept up with the few people I have been friends with in part because I quit drinking and they are not the kind of people I would want to continue to associate with.
I moved to the city I currently live in 14 years ago and other than becoming acquainted with people through work and churches I have attended over the years the contact I have had with people has not lead to ongoing personal relationships even though I always participate in official activities.

I get out from time to time going all your usual places restaurants, sporting events, community events, concerts, bars including happy hours, gun shows, bowling alleys and putting greens but I generally do not see women at these places that are in position to date me if the situation would have it because if I do see any they are on a date with someone.

Other places such as gyms, waiting rooms or in passing have not yielded a dating opportunity despite the fact I have actually stopped and had conversions with women under these circumstances.

I have considered paid dating services but the problem that I have with them is they can be expensive especially the ones with local offices, I am leery of online dating sites, if they have a few good looking profiles I suspect they are like the prize toy cards you see in gum ball machines they are intended to get you to put your credit card in and would not represent someone I could date, other dating sites like eHarmony that match people based on a compatible test might match me to some I could get along with but there are other things I want out of a relationship that appear to not be taken into consideration after all I could get along with my beer buddy or someone's grandmother but that does mean I would want to marry them.

Any advice you might lend on where or how to meet people to date would be appreciated.
Last edited by MHXXXV1; April 9,2010 at 5:25am.
 
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greg75 is offline greg75 Post #2  April 9,2010, 7:25am
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Well, let me give you this advice that others have given me. Don't go out to these places looking to pick up someone. You'll almost certainly never find someone if that's the case. I'm not sure how old you are, but you may want to consider joining a volunteer group or starting one of your own to invite like-minded people in. That is probably a good way of meeting people. Not necessarily women, but making new friends...new networks..etc...

Where you live in the "city" you may in fact have better luck with that stuff than I will, since I live in a rural area that doesn't have a lot of things to volunteer for.

Now, in regards to the online dating, it's about like it is in "real life". You can find good-looking profiles and email to your heart's content. You may or may not receive anything back. All sites have what I call "abandoned" profiles. Meaning, you see a lot of profiles of people who are not paying members who cannot communicate with you. If you're worried about having to shell out money for online dating, you can always search for free dating sites. Eharmony does offer free communications weekends quite often, so you may want to try out EH on those weekends and see if that is something you want to pursue.

Believe me, a lot of us here are having problems meeting people to date. It's all a crap shoot, really!
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  April 9,2010, 7:35am
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Hi MH!
Well it sounds like you get out and about quite a bit ... but maybe you could think of places to go where there are more likely to be single women that you can interact with in a low-key way and start getting to know. A couple ideas ... you can probably think of more:

- volunteer work: I volunteer at an animal shelter and almost all the volunteers are female. Age range from teen to old. Land conservancy, food kitchen, political groups ... pick something you care about and volunteer.

- classes: adult education programs, university extension classes, etc. Pick classes you're interested in that you think interesting women would be at. Art, car repair, yoga, whatever. Most adult ed. classes I've been in have been mostly women, all ages.

As for online dating: on EH if you set up a profile (which you can do for free) it will match you. These are actually the women you'd get matched with if you paid for a subscription; they are not just "bait and switch". Consider a shorter subscription; or look for promotions to get discounts; or try the Free Communication Weekends that happen every month or 2 -- you can use the system for free for a few days. Other sites also offer free trial periods.

Good luck!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  April 9,2010, 8:00am
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First thing to do is to get an attitude adjustment. I will now irritate the other regular posters and recommend a book. Get How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud. He addresses your questions and concerns and presents a plan to resolve these problems.

I agree with Sassafras54 on the taking a class idea. However, I have a problem with the volunteer idea. Volunteering is a wonderful thing to do. But if you volunteer to meet people you are volunteering for the wrong reason. Then, as with dating someone you work with, if you were to meet someone to date and it did not work out you will continue to see that person or you will need to leave the place that you are volunteering.

I will suggest that you may want to look into Meetup.com as a way to expand your social network.

Also agree with what Sassafras54 said about reputable dating sites. Though I will mention that while the people that you are matched with even before you pay to join are the same people that you will be matched with after you pay, most of your matches are likely to be non-paying members who can't respond to your communication. Of course the only difference between non-responding matches on a dating site and meeting non-receptive people IRL is that those you meet IRL will just tell you to take a flying leap instead of being silent.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #5  April 9,2010, 8:09am
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MHXXXV1 wrote :
How do I meet someone to date?



Any advice you might lend on where or how to meet people to date would be appreciated.
Join a scrapbooking club.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #6  April 9,2010, 11:24am
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I can't believe that all the women at those events are on dates or otherwise taken.

I'm also surprised that church and other things like that haven't led anywhere. Many of them have singles groups. You should at least be able to make friends who might introduce you to someone.
 
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