Aiwendil is offline Aiwendil Post #1  April 8,2010, 10:06pm
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Hi again,

Sorry to be asking so many questions, but I'm completely new to dating and I need some gaps in my knowledge filled. I know that things that work for others might not work for me, but I still think that any advice would help.

So, my current questions are:
1. What's the best way to let a girl know that you are asking her out on a date, and not just to dinner (for example) as a friend?
2. Assuming she goes on the date with you, and you both have a good time, when do you set up the second date? Do you plan it at the end of the first or do you say that you had a good time and that you'll call her later?
3. For someone with absolutely no experience with kissing and hugging girls, what's the best way to move into this area with her? Do you ask if you can hug/kiss her, or what? Any tips on making it less awkward?
4. Do you pick her up on the first date, or do you meet at the restaurant (or wherever the date is)? I don't know if this changes anything, but she still lives with her parents, and I've only met them once, a long time ago.
5. When asking her out (not just on the first date), is it better to actually ask her, like "Do you want to have/can I take you to dinner on..." or is it better to say something like "Let me take you to dinner on..."?
6. Same as #3, except for holding hands instead of hugging/kissing

For #1, does something like "I'd like to get to know you better, can I take you out to dinner sometime?" work? It seems like this shows your interest in her, and the fact that you are going out makes it sound like a date.

Thanks.

Edit - one more:
How important are looks to girls? I mean, I have a decent body from playing sports and working out: six pack, noticable biceps and triceps, visible muscles in my legs, but my face isn't much to look at. I had bad acne in middle school, and now I have a lot of scars, also I have a lot of allergies so my eyes are constantly red and watery.
Last edited by Aiwendil; April 8,2010 at 10:39pm.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #2  April 8,2010, 10:46pm
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Aiwendil wrote :
Hi again,

Sorry to be asking so many questions, but I'm completely new to dating and I need some gaps in my knowledge filled. I know that things that work for others might not work for me, but I still think that any advice would help.

So, my current questions are:
1. What's the best way to let a girl know that you are asking her out on a date, and not just to dinner (for example) as a friend? Don't go out in a group and set the date for something that speaks 'DATE' to her. Such as a Friday or Saturday night.
2. Assuming she goes on the date with you, and you both have a good time, when do you set up the second date? Do you plan it at the end of the first or do you say that you had a good time and that you'll call her later? This is purely up to personal preference. Me, I like to keep a good thing going and if he doesn't ask, I will.
3. For someone with absolutely no experience with kissing and hugging girls, what's the best way to move into this area with her? Do you ask if you can hug/kiss her, or what? Any tips on making it less awkward? Don't ask. Don't force it and don't spend so much time thinking about it that you never get around to kissing her. Hugging, you can pretty much sling your arm over her shoulders and pull her into the side of your body. You'll know if she's responding to you.
4. Do you pick her up on the first date, or do you meet at the restaurant (or wherever the date is)? I don't know if this changes anything, but she still lives with her parents, and I've only met them once, a long time ago. Offer to pick her up if you know her. If you don't know her previously, ask if she would prefer to meet or be picked up.
5. When asking her out (not just on the first date), is it better to actually ask her, like "Do you want to have/can I take you to dinner on..." or is it better to say something like "Let me take you to dinner on..."? Specific is better, and with manners. 'May I take you to dinner at Luna's on Friday? 8pm?' Remember to smile if you are asking her in person.

For #1, does something like "I'd like to get to know you better, can I take you out to dinner sometime?" work? It seems like this shows your interest in her, and the fact that you are going out makes it sound like a date. It works with me.

Thanks.
Just one woman's perception above.
 
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Yeti is offline Yeti Post #3  April 9,2010, 1:21am
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Aiwendil wrote :
Edit - one more:
How important are looks to girls? I mean, I have a decent body from playing sports and working out: six pack, noticable biceps and triceps, visible muscles in my legs, but my face isn't much to look at. I had bad acne in middle school, and now I have a lot of scars, also I have a lot of allergies so my eyes are constantly red and watery.

From a man's sarcastic, but not really, because it's all I know as far as being a 19YO, 20th century view..

1. Would you like to go out on a date with me?

2. Say "I had fun, I would like to do this again"
if nothing then it's done
if a pause then an ,"I'll just call you"
always wait for some sort of response, if no response... then
repeat.. until there's a response.

3. NO ONE will turn down a hug, it's not human.
Kisses are a bit different. If you feel the vibe from the hug, that a kiss should follow, why not go for it?
..... you HAVE to LISTEN, to body language, that will tell you....

4. Meeting is always a safe bet for a first date, especially if you don't know her dating background(and her Dad DOES)... pending any transportation issues. If she needs a ride, then you pick her up. If you have a bicycle, then you rent a car(or borrow one) if you don't have a driver's license, then you walk or "double" her on your bike.

5. For a first, definitely ask..can I... Would you like to ... Or May I take you to...Get CREATIVE!! memorable, but not too much because you will have to do better,.. someday hopefully.

6. It depends on how you know her.. from school you can throw in a reference like I had you in so-in-so's (do they use so-in-so anymore) class, you seemed like someone I'd like to get to know. DO NOT GO OVER THE TOP with references!! only 1, class or reference as to where you've seen her or met her or know her from. too much will feel like stalking. when you're about to get married you can spill the beans about how long you've plotted this.. it will probably make her cry at that point. But not before.!!

Ruggedness can be a turn on for women. as far as facial. I had some acne in high school, not too bad, some scarring but not much. this could be a tough one,...

you're best bet is know how it makes you feel. It is, WHO YOU ARE, now. you have to accept it and present yourself in a confident matter as though you have dealt with it. Looks can win the battle up front when dating. Personality will win out as to whether or not you will keep dating. Or, at least it should.. for someone you would want to date.

And this goes for both sexes.. CONFIDENCE, not cockiness, is a turn on for many. How sure you are, of yourself, is something you can not hide. And, maybe one of the best traits of the human spirit.

I hate telling a girlfriend her butt looks good in something when it doesn't, it's just sooo much easier when they just know it does or does not. confidence..

I'm not saying don't give compliments, because they are ALWAYS appreciated, just not as much as after you've been asked.

Good luck!!
you can PM me if you need more and like what I've had to say.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #4  April 9,2010, 2:59am
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Aiwendil wrote :
Hi again,

Sorry to be asking so many questions, but I'm completely new to dating and I need some gaps in my knowledge filled. I know that things that work for others might not work for me, but I still think that any advice would help.

So, my current questions are:
1. What's the best way to let a girl know that you are asking her out on a date, and not just to dinner (for example) as a friend?
2. Assuming she goes on the date with you, and you both have a good time, when do you set up the second date? Do you plan it at the end of the first or do you say that you had a good time and that you'll call her later?
3. For someone with absolutely no experience with kissing and hugging girls, what's the best way to move into this area with her? Do you ask if you can hug/kiss her, or what? Any tips on making it less awkward?
4. Do you pick her up on the first date, or do you meet at the restaurant (or wherever the date is)? I don't know if this changes anything, but she still lives with her parents, and I've only met them once, a long time ago.
5. When asking her out (not just on the first date), is it better to actually ask her, like "Do you want to have/can I take you to dinner on..." or is it better to say something like "Let me take you to dinner on..."?
6. Same as #3, except for holding hands instead of hugging/kissing

For #1, does something like "I'd like to get to know you better, can I take you out to dinner sometime?" work? It seems like this shows your interest in her, and the fact that you are going out makes it sound like a date.

Thanks.

Edit - one more:
How important are looks to girls? I mean, I have a decent body from playing sports and working out: six pack, noticable biceps and triceps, visible muscles in my legs, but my face isn't much to look at. I had bad acne in middle school, and now I have a lot of scars, also I have a lot of allergies so my eyes are constantly red and watery.
1. You ask her out, instead of saying "Do you want to hang out sometime?". No. You say, "Hey, let's go have dinner on Friday night, I know this really good place downtown." And then act like you're on a date.

2. Do it at the end of the first date, but only if things go well. Have a plan of ideas to do for the second date before the first date starts, so you are prepared to have suggestions for a second date if the first one goes well.

3. You got to make sure she's feeling the chemistry too. Some dates you'll both be feeling it, others you won't. Read the signs. Do it at the end of the date. Sometimes on date 1, you should go for a hug, and sometimes you should go for a kiss.

4. Meet her at the resturant. Assume she has a car. If she doesn't, then you can pick her up. On dates 2-3+ you can pick her up and take her out. Don't forget to hold the door, girls love that stuff.

5. Don't ask it in the form of a question. "Do you want to go out?" is weaker than "Let's go out Friday night."

6. While on the date and you're walking around (it is a activity date like walking a mall or something, right?), you can say to her as you're walking next to her, "Hey, I notice you have a hand free." and stick out your hand. Then she'll either grab it or not, and if she does, that's just another sign she's into you.

For your blurb under 6, again, "I'd like to get to know you better, let's go out Friday night to do x".

For your looks question, looks are important. Girls need to be attracted to us, just as we need to be attracted to them. If you're worried about acne, see a dermatologist. Make sure you have a good haircut. Brush your teeth. Use the eye drops that make your eyes less red. Ask your female friends to update your wardrobe.

Just do it.
 
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fanofsteel is offline fanofsteel Post #5  April 9,2010, 4:56am
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You're 19; are you in college? All the responses so far are great for those of us in our 20s and 30s, but in college it's much simpler: Invite her to a party and feed her beer. When you're both good and drunk, just lean over and kiss her. If she kisses back, you're in like Flynn. (I don't know who this Flynn guy is, but he's always in.) If she doesn't, then you can always minimize the awkwardness by blaming it on your being drunk.

Naaah, I'm mostly kidding. You should be a gentleman and follow the advice of the other posters here. (On the other hand, what I just described really is how most people in college start dating. Not saying it's right; just saying.)
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #6  April 9,2010, 5:42am
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Aiwendil wrote :
/...snip/
So, my current questions are:
1. What's the best way to let a girl know that you are asking her out on a date, and not just to dinner (for example) as a friend?
You can either use the word date, or phrase your invitation to make it clear that she, and not the date per se, is the point. For example "I'd like to go out with you. How about...".
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  April 9,2010, 7:06am
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Aiwendil wrote :
Hi again,

Sorry to be asking so many questions, but I'm completely new to dating and I need some gaps in my knowledge filled. I know that things that work for others might not work for me, but I still think that any advice would help.

So, my current questions are:
1. What's the best way to let a girl know that you are asking her out on a date, and not just to dinner (for example) as a friend?
Unless you have some previous relationship as friends then it should be obvious that you are asking the girl on a date.
2. Assuming she goes on the date with you, and you both have a good time, when do you set up the second date? Do you plan it at the end of the first or do you say that you had a good time and that you'll call her later?
I recommend setting up a second date at the end of the first. The final details of the second date don't need to be set in stone but at least a general plan should be developed, such as the day and a suggested activity.
3. For someone with absolutely no experience with kissing and hugging girls, what's the best way to move into this area with her? Do you ask if you can hug/kiss her, or what? Any tips on making it less awkward?
If I need to, I ask for a hug at the end of the first date.
4. Do you pick her up on the first date, or do you meet at the restaurant (or wherever the date is)? I don't know if this changes anything, but she still lives with her parents, and I've only met them once, a long time ago.
If it is someone that you have known as a friend, neighbor, class mate, etc. for sometime then it would be acceptable to pick her up. If it is someone that you are meeting from a dating site then you should drive separately and meet at a public place with a lot of people around. This is a safety consideration.
5. When asking her out (not just on the first date), is it better to actually ask her, like "Do you want to have/can I take you to dinner on..." or is it better to say something like "Let me take you to dinner on..."?
Seems to me that these are both different ways to ask the same thing.
6. Same as #3, except for holding hands instead of hugging/kissing
Usually if I offer my hand she will just take it. Otherwise same answer as #3.

For #1, does something like "I'd like to get to know you better, can I take you out to dinner sometime?" work? It seems like this shows your interest in her, and the fact that you are going out makes it sound like a date.
Be specific as to date, time and activity.

Thanks.

Edit - one more:
How important are looks to girls? (You will look fine to the right girl. If a particular girl is not attracted to you based on your looks there is nothing you can do about it.) I mean, I have a decent body from playing sports and working out: six pack, noticeable biceps and triceps, visible muscles in my legs, but my face isn't much to look at. I had bad acne in middle school, and now I have a lot of scars, also I have a lot of allergies so my eyes are constantly red and watery.
Above in red.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #8  April 9,2010, 7:25am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Above in red.
4. Do you pick her up on the first date, or do you meet at the restaurant (or wherever the date is)? I don't know if this changes anything, but she still lives with her parents, and I've only met them once, a long time ago.
If it is someone that you have known as a friend, neighbor, class mate, etc. for sometime then it would be acceptable to pick her up. If it is someone that you are meeting from a dating site then you should drive separately and meet at a public place with a lot of people around. This is a safety consideration.


Generally true. And a safety consideration usually for her sake. But in this case, given their ages and given that my daughter was 19 once and still living at home at the time, I wanted to meet the guy before things went too far. So for my comfort, I would have preferred that he pick her up at my house.

But, hey. I'm just old fashioned about things sometimes. Especially when it comes to the safety of my daughter.

All good advice from all the above posters by the way.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #9  April 9,2010, 11:47am
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1. It should be obvious that it's a date, but it helps to use words like "take you out" and "date" to make it clear.

2. Some guys like to ask for the 2nd date at the end of the first. Some women say they need time to "process" the date so they'd rather be asked a couple days later after having time to think about it. If you put her on the spot, she may say yes then decide she's not interested but still go on the 2nd date- so I think it's better to wait a couple days after the first, then call and ask for the second. If you're into texting you could send her a text the next morning saying you had a great time and will get in touch soon.

3. I think asking about kisses looks weak. If she seems to be having a good time, give her a goodnight kiss at the end of the date. If she doesn't want one she may turn away so the kiss ends up on the cheek- if so respect her limits and don't get upset.

4. If you already know her, it's OK to pick her up. If you haven't met yet I'd meet her there so she doesn't have to give out her home address.

The parents can complicate it. If you don't want to go through the ordeal of possibly being judged by them, you might meet her somewhere else.

It also depends on whether she has a car and how far away the place is from her.

5. Pick a day and place before you ask. Have a couple other places in mind in case she objects to your first choice. Ask her out for a specific day (evening), then if she says yes, say you were thinking about going to place X. If she says she can't make that night suggest a different one- if she doesn't cooperate she's probably not interested.

6. I wouldn't worry much about trying to hold hands on the first date, if you're doing dinner because it seems more like something you'd do while walking around together.

Be sure to do things like opening doors for her.
 
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tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #10  April 9,2010, 12:13pm
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Aiwendil wrote :

Edit - one more:
How important are looks to girls? I mean, I have a decent body from playing sports and working out: six pack, noticable biceps and triceps, visible muscles in my legs, but my face isn't much to look at. I had bad acne in middle school, and now I have a lot of scars, also I have a lot of allergies so my eyes are constantly red and watery.
Too long since I have been 19 to help you with most of your questions.

On your last point, do you have health insurance? If so get an appt with a dermatologist-usually help with fixing acne scars is covered by health insurance. If you do not, look into get a facial to help with this. On the allergies, go see an allergist. Take allergy medicine and use eye drops. There is no reason to be miserable. If you do not have insurance I am sure your university has a health clinic and they can help you.
 
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