1 date... No Spark... Give up?


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mikeinor is offline mikeinor Post #1  April 8,2010, 2:10pm
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I've been taking a little break from dating... (nobody would return my e-mails no less go out with me).

I got a wink a couple weeks ago and we met for the first time for lunch today. She was a great lady and we had a great conversation but I didn't feel a great SPARK!

She is a little quiet and shy as am I. I have never felt myself to be a "sweep her off her feet" person nor a great generator of sparks. I will call her and go out with her again. She is healthy, fit (more fit than I am) intelligent, steadily employed, enjoys children and has a similar demeanor and manners to mine. From our first meeting the biggest fault I could find is she is a vegetarian (I like meat)... which doesn't bother me if me eating meat doesn't bother her (it didn't seem to). I did suggest a Chinese restaurant thinking this would be enjoyed by both of us... which it was.

I see a lot of great potential in her... as in I had a very enjoyable conversation and can easily foresee enjoying spending time with her. It seems like many people on this board are of the opinion "No sexual spark... good bye"... well, forget you guys, that isn't me. A little encouragement from those that have had a romantic relationship develop without any initial "knock you off your feet" spark would be reassuring.

I do wonder if I would have been more interested if I had made the first contact with her? (I kind of doubt I would have since her profile was extremely sparse which I usually see as a bad sign.)
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  April 8,2010, 2:16pm
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If you found her attractive, and she didn't have any deal-breakers, I would absolutely go out again.

Did you try for a Kiss?
 
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phoenix888 is offline phoenix888 Post #3  April 8,2010, 2:29pm
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Good for you Mikeinor... I do believe that such things can develop over time if you both have enough other stuff in common. Good luck to you on your second date... I hope it goes really well!!!
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  April 8,2010, 2:31pm

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mikeinor wrote :
She is healthy, fit (more fit than I am) intelligent, steadily employed, enjoys children and has a similar demeanor and manners to mine. From our first meeting the biggest fault I could find is she is a vegetarian (I like meat)... which doesn't bother me if me eating meat doesn't bother her (it didn't seem to). I did suggest a Chinese restaurant thinking this would be enjoyed by both of us... which it was.

I see a lot of great potential in her... as in I had a very enjoyable conversation and can easily foresee enjoying spending time with her. It seems like many people on this board are of the opinion "No sexual spark... good bye"... well, forget you guys, that isn't me. A little encouragement from those that have had a romantic relationship develop without any initial "knock you off your feet" spark would be reassuring.

I do wonder if I would have been more interested if I had made the first contact with her? (I kind of doubt I would have since her profile was extremely sparse which I usually see as a bad sign.)
I wouldn't call being vegetarian a 'fault'...if you don't believe me, ask Miss Scarlet
 
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Tipitina is offline Tipitina Post #5  April 8,2010, 2:34pm
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Good for you!

I'm a firm believer that sparks can develop over time. Sure, the zing of initial physical attraction can be invigorating, but my most successful relationships have come from experiences like the one you describe.

Good luck, and keep us posted on how things go!
 
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mikeinor is offline mikeinor Post #6  April 8,2010, 3:00pm
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D_Lion wrote :
If you found her attractive, and she didn't have any deal-breakers, I would absolutely go out again.

Did you try for a Kiss?

No, two hugs in the parking lot and an agreement that we would like to meet again (this suggestion was a ballsy move... for me). I have never kissed on a first date... too shy!

No vegetarianism is not a fault... it is probably a healthier way of living. Most of the vegetarian women I know are generally thinner and in better shape. I just like eating meat! Not a deal breaker... and pretty lame (minor) difference in the realm of things.

I have been on dates where the women just makes me hot... but they have never lead to a substantive relationship. Intellectually stimulating and a compatible personality seem to be much more important in a LTR. As a guy I kind of feel that I can have my sexual curiosity turned on pretty easily... and it is kind of nice to explore other areas of compatibility first.

She listed herself as liberal and I list myself as conservative... I didn't detect any disconnect along these lines. I feel myself to be conservative but open minded. She has two college bound high school children which I seem to relate to better than jocks.

I list myself as "Spiritual but not Religious" she didn't list anything. I do attend church regularly with friends but with the underlying belief that it is to expose my daughter to religion so she can make her own choice someday.

She is travel oriented which is OK but not a major focus of my life currently (my daughter is 5yo).

Oh yeah... and I over think everything especially relationships. Now is probably a good time to work on this character flaw.
 
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cal_dude is online now cal_dude Post #7  April 8,2010, 3:04pm
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Sounds like you lose nothing from going out with her again. I also believe in slowly developing chemistry. As long as you see yourself possibly kissing her in the future...
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  April 8,2010, 3:08pm
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Eating habits have been major issues for me. I would give this more thought, since eating is something we do daily, and usually together.

In my experience most women I've met use politics as a man's judgment of them; these kind I skip. The smaller number who remain, differences of opinion are good sources for conversation.

My experience is that attraction has never appeared in time, when not immediately clear.

I think you are better off to Kiss her, or try to. If you are shy, have you tried asking her? That's what I do, most of the time.
 
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mikeinor is offline mikeinor Post #9  April 8,2010, 3:31pm
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I didn't detect any major disconnects in views on the world. In the past I have been out on dates and known very quickly that I was not compatible with someone's outlook on life. I received an overwhelming impression of intelligent open mindedness from this lady. Which I really appreciate. I have known women that were very open minded... but only if my views were the same as theirs.

Meat is important to me... and I do like to both cook and BBQ. I have known both closed minded vegetarians (their way should be the only way) and open minded ones (their way is what works best for them). I didn't find any reason that this should be an issue yet. I selected a restaurant where I thought she would feel comfortable and I also love the food.

I have no problem being very closed minded on some subjects... I shouldn't have to share a restaurant with a smoker but feel I am pretty open minded on many subjects.

The hugs were stimulating... the date just wasn't drenched in hormones. I can't think of any reason I wouldn't want to kiss her. The thought of holding her hand had crossed my mind and held a good amount of appeal. It was a lunch date which has never felt very romantic to me.
Last edited by mikeinor; April 8,2010 at 3:33pm.
 
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Northern_Gal is offline Northern_Gal Post #10  April 8,2010, 3:39pm
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hmm at the least, I would go out one more time, anyways - what do you have to lose, other than an hour or two of your time? The lady sounds intelligent and open-minded, which are two pretty big things in my book.
 
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