When to stop meeting new people?


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Jesisi is offline Jesisi Post #1  April 8,2010, 11:32am
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I just had a great date last week after communicating on EH for over a month. This guy is really nice, and has mentioned to be as interested in me as I in him. So what is the problem?

While I was waiting to see when we would finally meet, I had communications with other people... Now that I have met him, I seem to have lost interest in getting to know the rest... am I doing myself some damage by closing up my previous matches (even OC ones on EH), if I think I want to take the time to know him better and cannot seriously date several people at once?! I find him very attractive and we love talking on the phone, so that keeps me busy as well although we are not meeting very often...

He has not gotten on EH anymore and is not interested in communicating with anyone else anyway (he said and has not even viewed my profile since we started talking on the phone!).

Would any of you recommend I keep talking to people? What about the ones that want to meet me already?

In my mind, I think I can only handle one person at a time and want to give him my full attention... I would like to hear if anyone thinks differently and why... so as to improve my chances of finding the right person if this were to fizzle later on...

I don't know... advice is appreciated!
Thanks in advance!
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #2  April 8,2010, 11:58am
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I have a one track mind too. Even though I am a very good multitasker it really wears me out.

Ultimately it's all about you and your comfort level. I'm thinking if you focus on this one person you may be better able to define the pro's and con's as you go along and better decide if he is a keeper. But I think I would be safe to assume that the majority would be in favor of keeping your dating pool open as a don't put your eggs all in one basket.

Good for you
 
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valhrona is offline valhrona Post #3  April 8,2010, 12:10pm
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If you're not comfortable dating multiple people at once, then you shouldn't do it. The tricky thing is what you do with the other matches you have been conversing with. I guess you can put them "on hold." But you will risk your match closing you out.

Personally, I wouldn't close anybody out because sometimes things don't work out the way you plan it to. My sister was dating this guy for a couple of weeks and kept telling me that this was the "one." She broke up with him a week later. I would try to keep your options open.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't close anybody out or put them on hold, even if the guy isn't dating anyone else. I would just cease communicating with them and focus on this guy. If other matches inquire as to why I haven't contacted them in a while, I'd just tell them I've been pretty busy (which isn't a lie -- no need to get into details IMHO). If things continue to go well with the guy, then I would close the other matches out.

Hopefully you'll reach a decision as to what your next action should be. This is just what I would do in your situation, and I'm not you. Personally, I''m fine with dating multiple people at a time.

Good luck!

ETA: I'm sure critics would say that I'm being unfair to the other matches by ceasing communications. It's not a perfect solution, but relationship etiquette isn't always so cut and dry. I'm sure they'll continue communicating with other matches.
Last edited by valhrona; April 8,2010 at 12:12pm.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  April 8,2010, 12:29pm
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I think that after just one or two dates it's way too soon to throw all your eggs into one basket.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #5  April 8,2010, 12:46pm
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It sounds like you've already made your decision just to see him for now, which is fine.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  April 8,2010, 1:58pm
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Wait to see how this goes. One or tweo dates isnt enough.

What you could do is shut off the matches the matches that are delivered daily.

If you really think this relationship is going somewhere. Be open and honest with these other matches if you are at open communication with them.

The guys will respect you more if you are upfront and honest with them and tell them

"I want to see how this goes...if it doesnt anywhere I will want to get to know you but until that point I want to focus my effort on this current person you are seeing. If you close me I understand but I will not close you right now."
 
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Jesisi is offline Jesisi Post #7  April 8,2010, 2:08pm
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The matches that I am still not at the point of considering meeting, one or two emails only, I have closed them with the reason of "pursuing a relationship", I stopped getting matches two weeks ago since I had too many people progressing way too fast... so that left me with three to four prospective people that I felt some potential chemistry with through our OC. One of them mentioned that he is only talking to me at the time, I worry that he might be offended if I even try to mention putting him on hold as a possibility. I think I myself would be, since that means I am calling him option 2...

But I did try to chose the right close option that reflects what is really going on...
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  April 8,2010, 2:22pm
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If you have a partner who is not pursuing others, and you do, that is a very bad sign to your primary partner. (Personally I do not waste further effort on women who do not expend equal effort on me.)

One date, however, presents a high probability that a relationship will never devolop (for one common reason why, see the first paragraph.)

If I met someone I liked, I would turn off the matching (historically, when I had a paid service, I let it run until shortly before the next billing, and then cancelled it.)

I probably would meet others who had been established in communication prior to my first meeting with my primary.

Once I get beyond about four meetings, or sex if that is sooner, I would not meet others.
 
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Jesisi is offline Jesisi Post #9  April 8,2010, 2:38pm
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Thank you for your advice D_lion... This is precisely my reasoning as well... I mean, we have only gone on two dates, but we have already been talking about meeting this weekend. We talk on the phone for about an hour every day and feel very comfortable...

He mentioned that he is not pursuing anyone else, so since I am getting his undivided attention (and quite a lot of it, and thankful for it!), then I felt this morning that I should just close everyone up and let them move on... at least while I explore this further...

I guess I could have met other people beforehand if that had been a possible, but it did not work out that way... and although some people have expressed an interest in meeting me this past week, I don't think I should...

I also got asked out by a friend of a friend yesterday, he left a voicemail... I have been thinking to just tell him that I am seeing someone right now... I really don't want to mess or muddy things up... Any advice on how to proceed on giving real-life "rejections" might also be helpful, especially since I don't really know this person... a friend decided to give him my number after we met briefly at a party. :S

I worry that it may be premature, but for some reason that I cannot put my finger on, it feels right!?

Thanks!
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #10  April 8,2010, 2:57pm

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Looks like you're already made up your mind....so just enjoy the experience and see where it leads.
 
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