ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #1  April 6,2010, 2:32pm
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In a recent post where She mentioned her guy admitted to sleeping another women and the reaction that ensued really gnaws at me to post this....



Lets understand the dating rule...when you are just dating, seeing each other occasionally each person is free to date others and sleep with others as they see fit.

Seeing someone for a period of time does NOT mean it gradually becomes exclusive or committed until you have THE TALK.

If you do not have THE TALK each is free to date others and sleep with others if they so choose. Just because you decide to be exclusive does not automatically mean the other is exclusive.

Just because you happen to talk to each other each day, or almost every day does not mean you are exclusive.

The fact he admitted to having sex---his honesty should be commended. Dont you want honesty in a relationship?

For many to know if this person they are seeing is the one, they need to be propositioned by someone else to really read their interenal feelings. Many wont commit to marriage simply because they dont know if the one they are with is the one.

If I was in an exclusive relationship...I would be much mroe forgiving if the person came forward open and honestly if they potential cheated vs if I discovered it on my own.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  April 6,2010, 2:43pm
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And I'm free to kick them to the curb.

In the event that you have sex prompty (right away, which was the intent), then I accept that exclusivity would be an unwise (but still reasonable) assumption.

In the event that a period of time has gone by, certainly numerous dates or months, then I consider exclusivity to be established as a default.

Multiple sex partners is an outside-the-mainstream choice; as such, the burden is on the practioner to disclose.
Last edited by D_Lion; April 6,2010 at 2:47pm.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #3  April 6,2010, 2:52pm
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Rubbish. Complete, utter rubbish.
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #4  April 6,2010, 2:56pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
/...snip/
Lets understand the dating rule...when you are just dating, seeing each other occasionally each person is free to date others and sleep with others as they see fit.

Seeing someone for a period of time does NOT mean it gradually becomes exclusive or committed until you have THE TALK.

If you do not have THE TALK each is free to date others and sleep with others if they so choose. Just because you decide to be exclusive does not automatically mean the other is exclusive.
/snip.../
I see your point. However, I have never had a TALK in order to become exclusive, not since High School anyway.

When I have liked someone enough I became exclusive to them because that's how I felt. If the other person didn't do the same, I just assumed we were not right for each other and went on my way. I'll give you that in the world of online- and multi-dating this might be a bit more complex, though I'm not sure it would affect my behavior.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #5  April 6,2010, 2:58pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
Lets understand the dating rule...when you are just dating, seeing each other occasionally each person is free to date others and sleep with others as they see fit.

Seeing someone for a period of time does NOT mean it gradually becomes exclusive or committed until you have THE TALK.

If you do not have THE TALK each is free to date others and sleep with others if they so choose. Just because you decide to be exclusive does not automatically mean the other is exclusive.
Exactly- because all single people have these rights until they agree to waive them. I don't know why anyone has an issue with this. What is so hard about having that discussion? You can sleep with someone, but not talk to them?
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #6  April 6,2010, 2:59pm
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StuckOnYou wrote :
I see your point. However, I have never had a TALK in order to become exclusive, not since High School anyway.

When I have liked someone enough I became exclusive to them because that's how I felt. If the other person didn't do the same, I just assumed we were not right for each other and went on my way. I'll give you that in the world of online- and multi-dating this might be a bit more complex, though I'm not sure it would affect my behavior.
I couldn't agree more!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  April 6,2010, 3:00pm
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Indeed, use of a phrase such as "THE TALK" implies a common frame of reference.

Since such phrases seem aways to be derived from popular culture, their foolishness seems certain.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #8  April 6,2010, 3:00pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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You know, prior to coming here, I never had a need for an exclusivity talk, nor did I ever have one. After a certain period of time it was just assumed we were only seeing each other, and that was that. Of course, I never saw the point in dating more than one person, either; I guess I'm old fashioned that way.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  April 6,2010, 3:03pm
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To brneyedangle (and others of the same view),

How would you have reacted if your partner presented with the opposite understanding?

Would this be different if you found out their view before any actual non-exclusivity occurred?
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #10  April 6,2010, 3:03pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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mrflyer wrote :
Exactly- because all single people have these rights until they agree to waive them. I don't know why anyone has an issue with this. What is so hard about having that discussion? You can sleep with someone, but not talk to them?
I don't have a problem talking with anyone, but if something is understood, is it really necessary? I haven't had anyone ask me to go steady since high school, yet I've had several exclusive long term relationships.
 
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