n25philly is offline n25philly Post #1  April 6,2010, 4:15am
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I recently met this really great girl, and so far we had had two really great dates. I've never felt such chemistry with anyone before. Saturday night we had an amazing date where we pretty much just walked around window shopping and eventually had dinner. We ended up going back to her place where we started out cuddling on her couch for a while before ending up making out for a good half hour. The next day we didn't even make it until noon before we were on the phone and talked for another 2 hours. Things already started to feel like a relationship which felt very right.

Well, Sunday was a very long time ago apparently. I didn't call her last night as I was pretty busy and didn't want to be the clingy guy as I thought a few of the things I said on Sunday came on a little strong. Well, I get a text message from her at 7 this morning that she has been thinking about it and that she says that I am not affectionate enough towards her and that she questions if I am even interested in her. She also said that she wants affection like she sees in the soaps. (I've never watched a soap in my life, so if anyone can fill me on what that kind of affection is like it would be appreciated)

To a degree the concern is valid. By nature I can be kind of shy, and my dating experiences before this have been mostly disastrous so I do tend to be a little cautious about things. I am not the type to paw at someone I'm dating or see how fast I can jam my tongue down their throat, but I think as things developed I went along with it quite well.

I sent her a text back telling her that it's not that I don't want to, but that it was just nerves and that I think we should talk this out tomorrow night. It just seems very strange for how well things have gone and how early it is. I do at least appreciate that she is communicating this with my though instead of just dumping me without explanation like most women I've dated, but this seems very odd to me so soon. What does everyone think? Am I doing something wrong here, or are her expectations too high?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  April 6,2010, 4:22am
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Go with your gut. From what you describe her reaction is hands down weird and the comment about soaps....well...she sounds very very immature and insecure. What this means for you is that you are likely to get hurt because you or any man for that matter will never live up to whatever crazy fantasies she has when it comes to relationships.

Put on running shoes, locate hills, run fast.... This girl is going to be nothing but crazy drama.
 
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cleanslate is offline cleanslate Post #3  April 6,2010, 4:56am
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While her soap reference does seem odd, and may be indicative that her head is in fantasyland, I'm not ready to write her off as psycho - at least not with the info I have so far.

When you were walking around window shopping, did you hold her hand? There are subtle ways of showing affection that are not the same as pawing her, or jamming your tongue down her throat. Hand holding, or other casual touching (NOT groping!) goes a long way with me.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #4  April 6,2010, 5:25am
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Sounds like a potential drama llama with a princess complex in the making.
 
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n25philly is offline n25philly Post #5  April 6,2010, 5:34am
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cleanslate wrote :
While her soap reference does seem odd, and may be indicative that her head is in fantasyland, I'm not ready to write her off as psycho - at least not with the info I have so far.

When you were walking around window shopping, did you hold her hand? There are subtle ways of showing affection that are not the same as pawing her, or jamming your tongue down her throat. Hand holding, or other casual touching (NOT groping!) goes a long way with me.
At first we just walked side by side, but we were going into stores and she was picking up things so it didn't seem to make sense holding hands. After dinner I had my arm around her waist while we were walking.

The soap opera thing is what is throwing me off. I think there are some legit concerns here, but nothing major. For example she initiated her the first kiss. It wasn't that I didn't want to though. I tried to a few minutes earlier as we were cuddling on her couch and she leaned back and it was a perfect opportunity but the way she was laying on me I was pinned and couldn't get close enough.

Like I've said there is some legitimacy to her concerns, I simply just work better at a slow pace. It is just really bizarre considering how our communications have gone.

1) It's only been two dates and seems awfully soon even know for sure what the affection between us will be.

2) I'm not sure how she can question my interest in her. I said stuff to her on Sunday like how I haven't been able to stop smiling since our date ended. Funny, this time yesterday I thought I was coming on too strong and was worried as coming off as clingy and was worried about chasing her away.

3) she texted me at 6:57 in the morning! Was she sitting by her phone last night waiting for me to call and perhaps read into us actually not talking for a night too much? And soap opera? Really?

I don't want to write her off as a psycho as up until now she has been very mature and it's been very refreshing because there have been no games. I hope we can talk and work it out and move on because this seems kind of silly, but I've dated way too many crazies in the past to not have some concern.
 
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Work_in_Progress is offline Work_in_Progress Post #6  April 6,2010, 5:35am
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I agree with the others. She's probably just done you a big favor by ending it before it really began.

And trust me, there are a lot of great women out there who will appreciate a guy not being all over them in the first few dates.


Good luck to you. You can do better.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #7  April 6,2010, 5:42am
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n25philly wrote :
Am I doing something wrong here, or are her expectations too high?
Yes and maybe.

You're texting about things too serious to communicate effectively by texting. You probably should have responded to her text with a phone call and explained what you said above while setting up another date.

Secondly, it seems like she's moving into the fast lane before you're ready for that. But if you're feeling the chemistry, what are you waiting for?
 
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n25philly is offline n25philly Post #8  April 6,2010, 5:52am
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tweet37 wrote :
Yes and maybe.

You're texting about things too serious to communicate effectively by texting. You probably should have responded to her text with a phone call and explained what you said above while setting up another date.

Secondly, it seems like she's moving into the fast lane before you're ready for that. But if you're feeling the chemistry, what are you waiting for?

If I wasn't at work I would have called her back. The timing is giving me as many concerns as what she actually said. I'm hoping it's just an overreaction as I've done that myself in the past. I have grad school tonight right after work, but I am going to try and see if I can get in a quick call to hopefully at least get some kind of understanding of exactly what is going on here.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  April 6,2010, 6:29am
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I would not classify her as psycho but a lot of the words other have used are very appropriate of a description. Fantasyland, princess, drama fit very well with this girl.

And the comment about track shoes is a very good suggestion.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  April 6,2010, 6:31am
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Work_in_Progress wrote :

...
And trust me, there are a lot of great women out there who will appreciate a guy not being all over them in the first few dates.


Good luck to you. You can do better.
Where can I find one of these women?
 
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