need "how to end it" advice


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rmlf is offline rmlf Post #1  April 5,2010, 8:40pm
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Hello

I communicated with a match, went all well until open communication, she finally shared pictures and after more online communication and a couple phone conversations I decided to take care out on a date.

She's lovely person but I don't feel fully attracted to her. At this point, what is the right way to end things?

This might seem trivial to some but I haven't dated in 15 years so please understand

Thanks
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  April 5,2010, 8:44pm
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You've only met once? I think you can message her if you have her email and tell her that you just didnt feel a spark or call her to tell her if you feel comfortable with that.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #3  April 5,2010, 8:46pm
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It's not clear what has happened here. Did you go on your date/meeting? (I will assume that you have.) And did you commit to do anything else? Did you indicate interest in another date? Promise to call or email again?

If you didn't commit to anything, your obligation is complete. Move on to the next match. If the match from the date contacts you about another date, all you have to do is say no.

And if you committed to do something, don't "poof" as they say around here. Do what you said you'd do. And if that means you have to say that you plan to move on to other matches, then that's what you say.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #4  April 5,2010, 9:27pm

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The polite thing to do is simply send her an email saying you didn't feel a connection.

You may thank her for her time and wish her well, but you don't have to.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  April 5,2010, 9:40pm
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Yes to the above if you don't want to see her again.

But you said you don't feel "fully attracted" -- did you mean you felt nothing at all? If you're not sure that you'll never be attracted, perhaps it's worth a 2nd or 3rd date? Those are not lifetime commitments either, just like a 1st date isn't.

Sometimes it can take a little while to develop attraction...
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #6  April 5,2010, 11:33pm
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Just tell her it's not working for you and you want to move on. Text message is fine in this case.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #7  April 6,2010, 3:25am
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Treat her the same way you'd like to be treated in that situation.

The golden rule and all that good stuff.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #8  April 6,2010, 8:32am
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i know i have the minority opinion here but i don't think you've started anything so you have nothing to end. one date a and few phone calls/messages does not make for a "relationship."

having said that- if you said you would call her- do that and explain she is just not what you are looking for. if she contacts you, you could tell her the same.

but if you did not promise further communication then you are under no obligation to proffer any.
Last edited by notyet; April 6,2010 at 8:34am. Reason: waiting for my "one star" rating! ;-)
 
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useakiss is offline useakiss Post #9  April 6,2010, 8:47am
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Notyet, your wish is granted. :^)

I firmly believe in treating others the way you'd wish to be treated. However you felt coming away from that first date, she might have come away feeling very differently--or not. But I think the fact you did meet face to face deserves an email at least. What good comes from leaving her hanging and wondering and very possibly beating herself up over something that's not necessarily anyone's fault?

I personally sent my first "Dear John" email a few days ago--it was tough to do and I put it off for several days, but in the end I'm glad I did. As it turned out, he was feeling the same way but was struggling how to end it, too.

Just rip the bandaid off, man!
 
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valhrona is offline valhrona Post #10  April 6,2010, 9:02am
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Just be honest with her. I find that it's easier to write a Dear John letter when you preface it with, "I've got a feeling you feel the same way ..." Allows the other person to save face a bit.
 
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