What's the best advice you've read on our boards?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  April 2,2010, 9:21am
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Given that the entire point of our Community is to give and offer advice to help fellow daters or to help get those in relationships through issues they face, I thought it would be nice if we took a moment to mention some of the best advice we've received or seen (and, if you wish, give thanks to the person who imparted that advice).

Why did you think that was great advice? If you are comfortable sharing, did you take the advice and if so, please tell us what kind of impact it had on your situation.

Looking forward to an uplifting discussion!

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-Lori
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #2  April 2,2010, 9:22am

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eHA_Admin_Lori wrote :
Given that the entire point of our Community is to give and offer advice to help fellow daters or to help get those in relationships through issues they face, I thought it would be nice if we took a moment to mention some of the best advice we've received or seen (and, if you wish, give thanks to the person who imparted that advice).

Why did you think that was great advice? If you are comfortable sharing, did you take the advice and if so, please tell us what kind of impact it had on your situation.

Looking forward to an uplifting discussion!

Best,
-Lori
"Quit while you're still not so far behind"
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #3  April 2,2010, 9:35am
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TP's status line — I think there's a lot of good advice about how to remain single — pretty much sums up my opinion.

We get told not to worry about our safety on first dates by some (bc heck sex a s s a u l t s is only as common as a traffic fatality after all), we get told that guys don't look down on girls who have first-date sex, meanwhile we see that indeed almost everyone pretty much looks down on girls who have first-date sex in posts where guys ask how to score first-date sex, we see posts picking apart when to call instead of suggesting that people think about how others feel.

There is rampant hypocrisy, and any attempt at making a tongue in cheek point about it to lighten the infuriating moment is poofed as off-topic bc I guess people can't see that it does relate and that it's helping defuse some of the anger ....

About the best I can say is ... the forum is a good sounding board to find out how a wide variety of people may view your pet theory on dating. But the tendency most have to ignore any opinion not jiving with theirs sorta interferes with that, too.

I dunno I think it is time for me to take a break from this place maybe. That's pretty negative.
Last edited by nightling; April 2,2010 at 1:10pm. Reason: I fixed some nitpicks from a later post, but left the post mostly intact.
 
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yeahitsme is offline yeahitsme Post #4  April 2,2010, 9:43am
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A lot of people are advocates of getting to the "real life meeting" sooner rather than later, but I believe it was Melman who summed it up nicely, and really insipired me to get over some shyness and nervousness, thus enabeling me to "put myself out there" and share some really fun and interesting dates. I'm glad you started this thread because I never got a chance to thank him.

As a side note, I've been "lurking" for several months and recently began posting. When I first started reading the boards I never thought I'd thank Melman for anything. ;-)
 
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yeahitsme is offline yeahitsme Post #5  April 2,2010, 10:01am
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Oh, and I've also got to give some props to Trixie for reminding me fairly frequently that first, second and even third dates are a dime a dozen, so not to get too worked up over them. Some times we all need a good, firm wake up call, and there is ALWAYS somebody on here willing to give it to us
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  April 2,2010, 10:02am
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nightling wrote :
... we see posts picking apart when to call instead of suggesting that people think about how others feel.
...
This caught my eye.

You are a relative newbie here, however, sometime well before you joined our ranks and before the question of when to call became a popular thread topic there was a thread that dealt with this topic. Some analysis was done on the success of getting a second date versus when contact was made after the first date. As I remember the consensus, contacting the girl within 24 hours after the first date virtually guaranteed that there would be no second date. However waiting till the third day to contact the girl lead to the best likelihood of getting a second date.

No intent to hijack this thread, just sharing the benefit of an old timer who has been around long enough to have read long forgotten thread. Now back to your regularly scheduled discussions.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  April 2,2010, 10:05am
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Probably the best advice was when I was a little to close to the forest to see the trees and people here pointed the trees out to me.

And yes I did take the advice and it would have been the same advice that I would have given others had I been asked.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  April 2,2010, 10:05am
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This post seems to be taking a worst-case negativity on some of the recurring ideas:


nightling wrote :
We get told not to worry about our safety on first dates by some ...
A post which advocates meeting sooner probably is not motivated by disregard for safety; it is motivated by optimizing for success - at least, from that person's experience. That's a fair personal choice. I put my concern mostly on meeting the best possible partners.

That is a legitimate point of recommendation - especially since some people (many people here, it seems) take one adverse experience and let it become their understanding of the entirely of humanity, and that is rightly exposed as bad reasoning.


nightling wrote :
We see that indeed everyone looks down on girls who have first-date sex ...
None of my partners would validate this.


nightling wrote :
But the tendency most have to ignore any opinion not jiving with theirs sorta interferes with that, too.
There's a point where it does make sense to disregard opinions; I find that point to be where values or knowledge diverge sufficiently, that the other opinion is too finite to be applicable, or misunderstands what the post is even asking (I see a lot of this.)
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  April 2,2010, 10:15am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
As I remember the consensus, contacting the girl within 24 hours after the first date virtually guaranteed that there would be no second date. However waiting till the third day to contact the girl lead to the best likelihood of getting a second date.

But, consider the source:

Is this women stating their wishes? If so, do you really want to maximize success with someone so picky, belittling to you, and unsuccessful? I would not want to meet again someone who would select me based on this.

It is as valid a belief that women who prefer to be called sooner are not in the data set because they are in a relationship.

Or, if the views are men, are they bitter that they are failing - possibly because they overstate the significance of meaningless ideas?

Call whom you want, when you want, has a genuineness that ought to count for more than one thread of "consensus."
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #10  April 2,2010, 10:36am
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I have learned a lot from reading the boards. Even though it can be a critical place and I don't agree with everything, it has made me optimistic. Not optimistic that I think I'm going to get a partner out of this EH process but just optimistic that there are nice people out there who also face the ups and downs of dating with grace. It makes me feel less alone and that it isn't "all about me."
 
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