If you want it to be real you better meet in the real world.


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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #1  March 31,2010, 11:51am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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Tonight I gave a friend of mine a lift to the station and we had a little chat about our love lives, as you do. She's beautiful, clever, funny, playful and kind with a lovely figure. She's a catch. She's also single. She's a muslim and is on a muslim match site but our issues are universal.

Neither of us are meeting anyone we feel 'keen' on and the ones that we do communicate with often fall short of our hopes and expectations, and we find ourselves trying to manufacture some enthusiasm for men that aren't exactly that eager to be communicating with us either!

I've been thinking about my life before I discovered online dating, about 18 months ago. If I make a mental inventory of my sexual relationships with men that I've met in the real world, then the men in question are, on the whole, good looking, intelligent, interesting, often funny, trendily dressed and good company. The same would be true for my friend.

So what's going on?

I know people do meet online but I wonder what the proportion is and if it's any better than the most unlikely 'pick up' places in the real world. I mean there must be couples out there who met at funerals, Accident and Emergency wards and in road traffic accidents!

So I'm thinking, to get back 'dating' people who have real potential I need to get back out into the real world. Where better calibre finds are keener to meet me.

Anyone else coming to this conclusion too?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  March 31,2010, 11:55am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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trixie1868 wrote :
So I'm thinking, to get back 'dating' people who have real potential I need to get back out into the real world. Where better calibre finds are keener to meet me.
Do you find that using the internet to look for men has interfered with meeting men IRL?
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #3  March 31,2010, 12:01pm
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Yay! spring has sprung.

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trixie1868 wrote :
Anyone else coming to this conclusion too?
Yes, but at this time I live in the country. And no one has died recently so no funeral chance meets in the future either.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #4  March 31,2010, 12:13pm
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The questions comes back to why did you break up with them initially?



Just because she is nice and funy and a supposed good catch doesnt make her datable. Sure, some men may be turned off because of her religion and maybe she is a different person with other women than she is with men or she damands for unreasonable things in a relationship that you would never see in a friendship.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #5  March 31,2010, 12:14pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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jayjay wrote :
Do you find that using the internet to look for men has interfered with meeting men IRL?
No, I don't think so. Getting older has interfered with meeting men IRL. Less single mates to go out with, less inclined to hang out endlessly in bars and English men just aren't as flirty as you yanks sadly so it's harder to take advantage of non-traditional pick up places to actually 'pick up'.

Internet as been more of an 'as well as' rather than 'instead of'
Last edited by trixie1868; March 31,2010 at 2:35pm.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #6  March 31,2010, 12:18pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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ami1uwant wrote :
The questions comes back to why did you break up with them initially?

I don't understand your point. My relationships ended for a variety of reasons, sometimes by my doing and sometimes not. Didn't mean they weren't good men or that the relationships weren't good because they were. You don't always get happy ever after you know.

Just because she is nice and funy and a supposed good catch doesnt make her datable. Sure, some men may be turned off because of her religion and maybe she is a different person with other women than she is with men or she damands for unreasonable things in a relationship that you would never see in a friendship.
She's looking for men on a muslim dating site. If they're put off by her religion then it really is time to throw the towel in!
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #7  March 31,2010, 12:26pm
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There are oceans of feelings between us

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My online dating experience is barely eight months or so, and I could easily reach the same conclusion as you. However, I need to remind myself of several facts when I get to feeling frustrated by the process.

First, this is only another avenue, and was never meant to replace your eyes and ears. But rather to supplement what you already had going on out there.

Second, that all it takes is one. If that person is an online match, and you are not online, then you lose. There are some real people online too. We are real, aren't we?

Third, we can come on these boards and fight with people. Then we can store up enough energy to start the process all over again.

Fourth, we have heard of online success stories here on these boards, so they do exist. and are not fictitious.

In the mean time, keep your chin up.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  March 31,2010, 12:48pm
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All that the online dating site does is introduce you to someone that you would not meet in your daily life. What you do with that introduction is up to you. It's neither good nor bad - it just is.

I think there is a whole lot of disappointment and frustration out there about online dating because for some reason people treat it with this expectation that somehow a computer will magically deliver a perfect mate and when it does not happen, the disappointment is too much to bear.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #9  March 31,2010, 1:17pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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DancingFool wrote :
All that the online dating site does is introduce you to someone that you would not meet in your daily life. What you do with that introduction is up to you. It's neither good nor bad - it just is.

I think there is a whole lot of disappointment and frustration out there about online dating because for some reason people treat it with this expectation that somehow a computer will magically deliver a perfect mate and when it does not happen, the disappointment is too much to bear.
No, that's not it. I know it's not relationship eBay.

The calibre of my matches and their inclination to flirt with me is below par and less than I've experienced in the real world.

It doesn't work as well as bars, is, I guess (though I appreciate it sounds wrong) what I'm saying.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #10  March 31,2010, 1:26pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
No, that's not it. I know it's not relationship eBay.

The calibre of my matches and their inclination to flirt with me is below par and less than I've experienced in the real world.

It doesn't work as well as bars, is, I guess (though I appreciate it sounds wrong) what I'm saying.
Well....it's kind of hard to flirt with pixels on the screen, isn't it? I mean you are coming from opposing sides. At a bar, first thing is physical attraction - you look you like you flirt you like you exchange numbers and go out on a date and then discover that you really have nothing in common to sustain a relationship. Online, you learn about all the things you do have in common, but then...you meet and the physical is just not there and it's disappointing.

As for quality...I don't know....maybe it's a location thing. I find about the same caliber regardless.

(By the way, I was speaking in generalities in my post and not meaning you personally.)
 
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