Getting to know her on a deeper level...


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frankny is offline frankny Post #1  March 31,2010, 6:38am
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Hello,

I have been lurking for a bit, but I decided to join and post a question I have.

I have been out with a girl 3 times (met her on another dating site). We enjoy each other's company and I think there is a connection and I feel like the more time we spend together the more the connection and chemistry can grow.

My question is this: We have a fourth date scheduled for this weekend and I want to start getting to know her on a deeper level. We have been through all of the initial getting to know you type of questions so I want to try to steer the conversation in such a way that will enable me to know her on a more intimate level. Is the fourth date too early for this? If not, are there any specific questions that I should ask/avoid?

I am in my early 30's and have not dated much, and to be perfectly honest I really am feeling my way through in the dark here. I really like her and I want our dating to grow into something more.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks...
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  March 31,2010, 7:36am
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You don't get a deeper connection to someone by asking questions and essentially interviewing them. A deeper connection is something that builds over time and through shared experiences.

So instead of doing the usual dinner type thing for a fourth date, do some kind of an activity. What interests you both? You will learn so much more about each other and your likes and dislikes and other things by doing that than by just sitting and asking questions. The information will also come more naturally and will be volunteered rather than forced out through mundane and potentially intrusive questions.

I'm really rather curious what in the world do you mean by more intimate conversation anyway.......
 
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frankny is offline frankny Post #3  March 31,2010, 7:52am
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Thanks for the advice. I guess by "intimate" I meant conversation beyond the typical getting you know you stuff.

For the fourth date we are going ice skating, so maybe that will be more conducive to getting to know her better.

I have so much to learn about dating...
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  March 31,2010, 8:22am
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Just relax and enjoy her company. You'll get to know each other over time. Don't force things.

For instance, asking someone, so tell me about your political views.....can get you either a defensive or a canned answer. However, if you are just relaxing watching some news together, you'll end up chatting about what you see and you'll learn her view on things as she comments and you comment, etc.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #5  March 31,2010, 9:30am
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DancingFool is right. For example, private things about childhood and family, or personal dreams for the future, or political views, or [insert your own idea of intimate conversation here] can crop up organically in a good conversation that starts out on just about any topic.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  March 31,2010, 9:37am
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I agree with the above.

And while you're letting it grow naturally, don't be shy about letting her see who you are, too. Part of getting to know someone is being yourself around her, and seeing what happens.
 
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frankny is offline frankny Post #7  March 31,2010, 11:41am
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Good advice, thanks. Seems like I just need to relax, enjoy her company and let things happen on their own.

Seems simple...
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #8  March 31,2010, 11:42am
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frankny wrote :

For the fourth date we are going ice skating, so maybe that will be more conducive to getting to know her better.

...
Sounds to me you are seting up an "intimate" environment though I am not sure if that is the path you wanted to go down.
 
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cleanslate is offline cleanslate Post #9  March 31,2010, 11:45am
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ami1uwant wrote :
Sounds to me you are seting up an "intimate" environment though I am not sure if that is the path you wanted to go down.
How is going ice skating setting up an "intimate" environment? It's something you do in public, presumably with other people around. And, OP, I think it's a great date idea!
 
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frankny is offline frankny Post #10  March 31,2010, 12:08pm
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I used the wrong word. I did not mean intimate in the
physically intimate sense.

I thought ice skating would be good since it is a fun, public activity while still allowing for some private conversation and (with my ice skating skills) plenty of laughs.
 
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