can't get past 2nd date


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Meopham42 is offline Meopham42 Post #1  March 30,2010, 4:37pm
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having been divorced twice and not wanting to go through another one, I am nervous about going too fast amd cannot seem to get past a second date. or maybe they are wanting more from me too soon than I am comfortable with. Can we just be friends first and get to know each other without all the pressure I feel. Are there women out there who understand my need to go slow?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  March 30,2010, 5:16pm
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I can't get past a first date
 
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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #3  March 30,2010, 5:35pm
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I am sure you will get many people who have many opinions, but the advice my friends always tell me and I follow is to be yourself. Be true to who you are and if that's to go slow then that's to go slow. I also believe that it takes awhile to get to know someone and there's something to developing feelings for a person first and then kissing. It means more, and doesn't cloud your mind as to whether you truly like them or not. I learned through experience. I've kissed when the man meant something to me and it felt right. I've also kissed a man after a few dates and although the kiss was nice, it wasn't the same for me.

If anything follow your heart, your values, and how you like to date. The right woman for you will respect your wishes to go slowly and perhaps she will like to go slowly too. Good luck!
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #4  March 30,2010, 7:25pm

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I've been dating again for just a bit over 2 years and when I first began dating I had 6 months of first and second dates. Then I spent the summer dating a great guy-but we called it off at month 4. I took a few months off to travel and when I came back I had a bunch of first and second dated, then nothing for a few months.

So it goes. there are always many more first and second dates that come and go.I Iooked at it as practice dating for the great ones I did finally met.

It's common, it happens to most of us and best to just accept it and not look at yourself as having done something wrong.

Better luck next time, and next time and next time!
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #5  March 30,2010, 7:47pm
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Meopham42 wrote :
having been divorced twice and not wanting to go through another one, I am nervous about going too fast amd cannot seem to get past a second date. or maybe they are wanting more from me too soon than I am comfortable with. Can we just be friends first and get to know each other without all the pressure I feel. Are there women out there who understand my need to go slow?
I understand, but what I dont understand is how you think it is going too fast by the second date?
What are they doing to make you feel pressured already?
Or maybe its you? Maybe your not ready?
Thats OK too.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  March 31,2010, 4:41am
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I'm confused about how things are going too fast for you? If you are not even getting past a second date sounds to me like you are not going anywhere at all.

Also, you really can't magically separate romance and friendship. The attraction is either there or not and friendship is something that grows simultaneously. If the friendship is not growing, you are heading for breakup. If you think that you can somehow be just pals first and then just turn the switch and make it a romance and it will magically work and be great forevermore....sorry but you are deluding yourself.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  March 31,2010, 9:48am
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It sounds like you are afraid that if you go ahead and start getting involved with someone, you're suddenly going to find yourself married and then divorced?

It's possible to get involved without getting married anytime soon. Maybe make a rule for yourself: like "I will not get engaged until I've been dating someone exclusively for at least 1 year" or whatever. That could take the pressure off? Good luck!
 
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lonelygirl0420 is offline lonelygirl0420 Post #8  March 31,2010, 9:57am
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Meopham42 wrote :
having been divorced twice and not wanting to go through another one, I am nervous about going too fast amd cannot seem to get past a second date. or maybe they are wanting more from me too soon than I am comfortable with. Can we just be friends first and get to know each other without all the pressure I feel. Are there women out there who understand my need to go slow?
Meo,
Speaking from a woman who was married and divorced, like you I am being cautious about dating but don't let yourself miss out on the fun dates you could be having. If you go on the first date and it goes great, cool have another one! If the second date goes well, sure set up another one!

Just because you have a second date doesn't mean your going to the alter tomorrow. Take your time and have fun life is too short to be too cautious. How do you know your missing out on your "true match" if you continue to pull back?

Trust me, this is the reason I joined eharmony I was married at 21 and divorced at 22. Now i have my reasons and I am being cautious but I also know that I want have fun and enjoy the guys that ask me out. Worrying about the alter is only going to make your question yourself. And really that shouldn't even be a question in your mind right now. I ask myself hey did I like the first date? Do I like this person enough to see them again?

Keep this stuff in mind and leave the other stuff for a later date.......

Best Wishes!
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #9  March 31,2010, 11:50am
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Meopham42 wrote :
having been divorced twice and not wanting to go through another one, I am nervous about going too fast amd cannot seem to get past a second date. or maybe they are wanting more from me too soon than I am comfortable with.
This is normal and healthy. Most first dates don't lead to second dates, and most second ones don't lead to more, especially when the people haven't met in person before.

How many first and second dates have you had lately?

How are your dates going? Are you being pressured to get physical too fast, or are the men just not asking you out again, or what?

I haven't kept stats, but if I went out with 10 women over time, I wouldn't expect to get to a third date with more than maybe 2 or 3 of them, and wouldn't get to a second with more than half, assuming we all met online.
 
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souxieque is offline souxieque Post #10  March 31,2010, 2:18pm

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mrflyer wrote :
This is normal and healthy. Most first dates don't lead to second dates, and most second ones don't lead to more, especially when the people haven't met in person before.
*****
, I wouldn't expect to get to a third date with more than maybe 2 or 3 of them, and wouldn't get to a second with more than half, assuming we all met online.
MrFlyer I think you are exactly right with this idea. I have not dated from online at all because I meet plenty of people live at school and at work.

If I have a class with someone, I get to know him during breaks or from what he says in class, and we might study together before we actually go on a date. So there is already time spent and a basis for knowing that you have things in common before you even get to dating.

But my friends who only do online dating don't have that kind of experience so you are learning from the very start about someone online when you first meet-because emails can't really tell you a lot really.

And still, it is pretty common for real life dating to just have one or 2 dates and then move on. Your experiences aren't a lot different then anyone elses.

Souxieque
 
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