Filtering Out Mr. or Ms. Right

For instance I may have met twenty guys that wore red shirts that were also superficial. That in my mind doesn’t mean that guys that wear red shirts are superficial.

Instead when I meet guy number twenty one I speak to him. Learn about him. He may be guy number one in a red shirt that isn’t superficial or he may be number twenty one. The only way I will know is to get to know him.

Not two weeks before I met Troy I posted on this board that I believed that men that did not hold a degree would be intimidated by me. I believed we would have no common interests. Can you imagine what my life would be like now had I used that as a filter instead of an obviously faulty belief?

In the world where you have time to deeply get to know everyone single person you ever encounter, you're right: much better to actually get to know someone than to make assumptions. For me at least, that's not the world I live in. There are more people that I might like to get to know than I could possibly have time to do so.

That being the case: some filters, even as I recognize that they are imperfect tools, are useful helping to see to it that the subset of people that I do get to know more are those most likely to be a good match for me.

Basically, if I get to know someone outside of a standard dating process such that I have more information about them, then I'll of course make use of that information and adjust my thoughts accordingly. However, I would not go out of my way to pursue someone if they didn't match up with a couple of criteria.

I wouldn't be surprised if this is actually pretty common here on these boards. I think it's so easy for people to think about things in objective or rational terms and write their posts accordingly. However, I think real life is a whole nuther story.

I actually wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people may post things here like the 'no degree' filter you mentioned posting....but that IRL a lot of these same people actually respond more wholistically as you did, rather than going with the filter. I'd guess it's pretty common for people here to not really know (intellectually) what it is they really want...but when they find it IRL, they'll know.

The guy started chasing cars on a busy street.

Did he catch any? And if so, did he know what to do with them after he caught them? lol

Lizzie asked a good question about whether we all have filters. I have never considered what I have as filters. A filter to me would be something applied before the process. In the case of dating, before you meet someone. I guess it could be argued that the match itself starts the process but I think that would just require redefining the term filter.

I admit I have a list of things that I dislike about humans. The list is rather long actually and not necessarily mainstream ideas. Still I do not try to find data points, or criteria, that prove someone holds these traits external to meeting them. For instance I may have met twenty guys that wore red shirts that were also superficial. That in my mind doesn’t mean that guys that wear red shirts are superficial.

Instead when I meet guy number twenty one I speak to him. Learn about him. He may be guy number one in a red shirt that isn’t superficial or he may be number twenty one. The only way I will know is to get to know him.

There are also people who say things like odor is a filter since you don’t speak to them. Yeah but you can smell that, obviously someone who smells bad does in fact smell bad. For the record Troy smelled gamey the first time I met him. He was also in his work clothes, my god he screamed blue collar. I said hi as I do to anyone that doesn’t give an air of ax murderer (don’t make me explain that air it just is) he smiled and said hi. We talked and talked and talked, okay you get the point.

Not two weeks before I met Troy I posted on this board that I believed that men that did not hold a degree would be intimidated by me. I believed we would have no common interests. Can you imagine what my life would be like now had I used that as a filter instead of an obviously faulty belief? I say an obviously faulty belief because Troy is not intimidated by me and we have plenty of common interests to explore not the least of which is a desire for knowledge.

I am posting this because it makes me sad to see so many people looking for someone. People who are trying so hard to find that someone that they will do almost anything that makes sense to achieve this. I am sitting here knowing that these filters don’t always make sense and I can’t help but wonder if because of using them they have missed Mr. or Ms. Right.

Sorry this is sooooo long.

Let's just hope these red shirt dates aren't like the Star Trek movies.

OMG I forgot about that. I actually have a book called never beam down in a red shirt. It is Star Trek trivia.

I have occasionally wished on a date that I could flip out a tricorder and say, beam me up Scotty!