Filtering Out Mr. or Ms. Right


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nightling is offline nightling Post #81  March 20,2010, 8:23am
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cal_dude wrote :
To those who like to filter at the beginning:

Assuming a profile is complete with text and pics, do you look for specific keywords or the lack of specific keywords (kindness, ambition,...)?

Added: there are enough threads discussing what people don't like, so I wanted to concentrate on the positive...

Just curious.
New thread perhaps?
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #82  March 20,2010, 8:28am
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cal_dude wrote :
To those who like to filter at the beginning:

Assuming a profile is complete with text and pics, do you look for specific keywords or the lack of specific keywords (kindness, ambition,...)?

Added: there are enough threads discussing what people don't like, so I wanted to concentrate on the positive...

Just curious.
The only real showstopper for me is (call me shallow) if the guy is 5'5" or shorter, I will close him out. Yes, that's a filter I apply. I have dated guys shorter than me (currently excited to go out on a second date with ShD - short dude; he's 5'7" I'm 5'8" and I stand 5'10" with my sexy heels but haven't worn those yet), but I think 5'5" or shorter is much, much shorter than what I would be comfortable with.
 
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cal_dude is online now cal_dude Post #83  March 20,2010, 8:47am
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I'm curious to hear "Must-have" keywords, not cannot-stands
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #84  March 20,2010, 10:00am
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I think we need to periodically examine our filter parameters for those proxy "must-haves" that can inadvertently block some compatible people. For example, as I have (similarly to Jo) discovered, being too literal with the requirement of education level can be a mistake. I want(ed) to have a partner who is a passionate learner, who has a deep and broad-ranging curiosity about the world. It would have been so easy to put a narrow definition on that and insist that potential matches have at least a BA, and optimally an MA or even a PhD. I realized that this would filter out autodidacts like my grandfather, one of the three most intelligent men I've ever met.

So instead of looking at educational degrees, I started looking for references to reading, learning and/or teaching, writing, and interest in things like museums, science, and social or community issues.

I still wound up with a highly educated man, but he's more than just educated (remember, the odds on someone being in the bottom half of the class are pretty good), he's continuing to learn and making a huge effort to become active in his new community.

So I had high standards, but I cast my net fairly widely. (for those with some education jargon under their belt, I think this comes under the heading of "alternative assessment" )
 
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phoenix888 is offline phoenix888 Post #85  March 20,2010, 10:22am
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Good for you, Spider!
I agree when it comes to education requirements. I myself never finished college (family obligations), but anyone who knows me is completely surprised to learn that if it comes up in conversation. I am a life-long learner and come from a family of extremely intelligent, self-made people. And it is true what you say; it is entirely possible for someone to have gone to college but finish in the bottom half of their class. A piece of paper does not necessarily a fine brain make.

So I too cast my net a bit further when it comes to educational filters on EH. The natural learners make themselves evident during communication!
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #86  March 20,2010, 11:07am

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cardguy wrote :
If you have time to see what's behind the proxy, that's of course the preferred option. In the absence of the ability to do so, the proper use of imperfect information is still better than no information at all, it's simply a matter of carefully considering and refining what those proxies are. I wish I lived in a world where I had all the facts I could want before making all my decisions, but I don't. Instead, I make the best decision I can with the information I have time to gather.
You keep speaking of this time. I really don't understand. Say I am auditing something at my firm. I decide to use a smaller sample to reduce the time it takes. After all the less time it takes the less money needs to be spent on the audit. So because I reduced my sample I missed some huge error or even fraud. Now it cost 20 times as much to fix or worse.

Tell me again what was the time/value benefit of reducing my sample?

Oh in case I need to draw the lines here if you limit your sample too much you will take longer to find the error/match which in the end isn't time or cost effective.
Last edited by Can_I_just_be_Jo; March 20,2010 at 11:10am.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #87  March 20,2010, 11:26am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
Tell me again what was the time/value benefit of reducing my sample?

Oh in case I need to draw the lines here if you limit your sample too much you will take longer to find the error/match which in the end isn't time or cost effective.
Depends on the individual and circumstances.

If you don't limit your "sample" at all, you may waste too much time and energy on poor matches ... or be too unfocused to recognize the good ones.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #88  March 20,2010, 12:11pm
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Jo, you say you cannot reduce your sample, but is it really possible to know everything about the person you are matched with or meet in a bar? You have to go with the information you are given. There is no way to know everything, even after a long time of being with the same person. It is possible a red flag could pop up month or even years down the road.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #89  March 20,2010, 12:31pm

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ThePriestess wrote :
Depends on the individual and circumstances.

If you don't limit your "sample" at all, you may waste too much time and energy on poor matches ... or be too unfocused to recognize the good ones.
AndieIsMe wrote :
Jo, you say you cannot reduce your sample, but is it really possible to know everything about the person you are matched with or meet in a bar? You have to go with the information you are given. There is no way to know everything, even after a long time of being with the same person. It is possible a red flag could pop up month or even years down the road.
I know most here don't understand audit. This is good, I call it job security. The thing is a large sample is just as bad as a small sample so you are both right. I was replying to Cardguy's post because he seems like he is saying I know my criteria has flaws but I must limit my time. Limiting the time spent based on bad criteria will create bad results. It is inefficient and in the long run will cost you more time.

Hum, how to put this. We have to determine audit risk, which is the risk that we will give an unqualified opinion when there is a material misstatement. To pull this to dating it would be the risk of missing Mr./Ms. Right. Then you have to apply parameters/filters to determine your sample size. For audit you look at internal controls, dating how well you know yourself. You look at changes in the business environment/ divorce, break ups, mom/dad died, moved, new jobs and how that may effect the financial reports/how a potential mate presents themselves.

Okay I think I have driven home the point that it is complicated. In the end though just like every audit plan must take into consideration the unique circumstances of each business audited every potential date or even your specific dating plan must take into account your specific dating circumstances and how it effects the process.

Enron anyone?
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #90  March 20,2010, 1:17pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I know most here don't understand audit.
Actually I do. My best friend works for an accounting firm, I hear it all.

My point is that you cannot conduct your dating life like you do an audit. Math is an exact science, the human mind and emotions are not.
 
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