Filtering Out Mr. or Ms. Right


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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #11  March 19,2010, 10:05am
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I still have the hots for Lt. Worf
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #12  March 19,2010, 10:08am

blames self-help books

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Mokkesofie wrote :
I still have the hots for Lt. Worf
Ahh a little rough around the edges or is the beast within?
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #13  March 19,2010, 10:14am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
Ahh a little rough around the edges or is the beast within?
Both!
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #14  March 19,2010, 10:36am
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all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
With moving all of Troy's stuff one car at a time I would be happy with just the molecular transporter.
What no one's explained to me is ... if they can beam matter from point a to point b ... why do they even need the spaceships? They should just beam you from Earth to whatever planet.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #15  March 19,2010, 10:37am
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I just realized that I got off-topic. I hope the OP doesn't think I dislike her!
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #16  March 19,2010, 10:40am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #17  March 19,2010, 10:41am

blames self-help books

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nightling wrote :
What no one's explained to me is ... if they can beam matter from point a to point b ... why do they even need the spaceships? They should just beam you from Earth to whatever planet.
I always thought it had something to do with Kirk having sex with blue chicks. Not sure though.
nightling wrote :
I just realized that I got off-topic. I hope the OP doesn't think I dislike her!
Who is to say transporters don't have something to do with filters.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #18  March 19,2010, 11:16am
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I think that there is something about online dating that puts people in checklist mode. In real life we have our senses, intuition and gut feeling. Online we often see typos, blurred photos and laundry lists.

I now spend very little time pouring over the profiles. Initially I excluded guys who seemed super active/social or really outgoing or those that seem to relish being spontaneous because my life as a solo mom precludes much of that. But really, if you like someone you will compromise on things and weigh the scales differently. And also, each match is just a potential. No need to project them into one's life.

Nowadays, if the picture is appealing and the profile is ok--not super filled out, not typo free, not soul mate stirring--just demonstrating some basic conversation points, then I send the first questions. You never know. Well, actually you do know. You know that a small fraction of them are paying members so rather than filter at the match inbox stage, I filter when I receive first answers because it is a sign of life. Waste of time to filter corpses.

Still, I don't filter much at the guided communication stage either. I used to agonize over the guided communication questions. Now I just see them as step between me and truly getting to know someone which I think best happens through the email/IM/phone/initial meeting scenario. So at the guided communication point, I am filtering for red flags only.

The true filtering happens when you can use your senses--their voice, their stature, banter over IM/Text/Email. I use a heavier filter here. I don't have time to meet up a bunch of folk. If there is no rapport/spark/click/curiosity/something then I move on.

Then, the face to face is kind of the beginning where I think you meet the real person behind the profile and make your judgements.

Real life is different. You might notice the great blue eyes and great conversation of the attractive man on the next barstool and then not care if he stands up and is a bit shorter than you. Online, you might instaclose everyone less than 6 feet tall. Everyone's process is different and I do believe that online dating can lead you to a person that is out of "type" for you, if you keep an open mind and cast your net widely, while keeping note of your own personal red flags.
Last edited by 2clueless; March 19,2010 at 11:18am.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #19  March 19,2010, 11:17am
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I can't knock someone for having certain filters. Like the having children one. If someone is dead set on having kids and their match is dead set on not having any, they probably shouldn't meet.

I try not to filter too much. But there are certain things that will make me cringe when I read a profile and want to close them.

I'm a bit of a Star Trek fan myself. Not only would I like a Tricorder on a date but a phazer too.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #20  March 19,2010, 12:17pm
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nightling wrote :
What no one's explained to me is ... if they can beam matter from point a to point b ... why do they even need the spaceships? They should just beam you from Earth to whatever planet.
The transporters have a limited range. Didn't you pay attention at Starfleet Academy?
 
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