When to have sex?

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dreamchaser Post #1 March 17,2010, 10:26pm

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Hello Everyone:

I know this is a long one but I think it worth well for us to spend some time on this question. I have been thinking on this topic for a long time. Now I would like to hear from you.

In what stage of the relationship should we, women, having sex with our partner? The following are 5 possible times:

As soon as both of your want it.
When you become exclusive.
When you see a future between you two.
When both of you committed to a long term relationship.
When you are engaged.
On your wedding night.

Each choice has its pros and cons. I think if we can’t get the time right, it will either damage our relationship or get us hurt. I will take two extremes and demonstrate the pros and cons of each option, just as food for thought. Please keep in mind that the pros and cons are from a woman’s point of view.

As soon as both of you want it.

Pros:

- You are physically satisfied.
- You bond faster
- If you are not sexually compatible, you find it out right away.

Cons:
a.You may lose his respect. Guys: you may not admit it but I believe at least some of you, deep down, will lose the respect to the woman when this happens. This is because in our society and our culture, there are still double standards for men and women. Even though it takes both of you to have sex, nobody disrespect the man when he does it but the woman is at the great risk of been disrespected. If you don’t agree, let me ask you a question: How come there is a phrase called “lose woman” but there is no such a thing called “lose man”?
b.If the relationship does not work out, the woman gets hurt deeper after having sex with the man. This is because when we have sex with a man, we get emotionally attached, or at least most of us. A lot of us have to have the emotional attachment in order to have sex with the man.
c.There is a greater chance to have STD for both of you because you don’t really know each other that well.
d.Even if the man does not disrespect the woman, he may get bored and move on to the next target. Men are hunters. Men like to chase, to conquer. Once he conquered you, he will lost interest and move on. As you result, you get hurt deeper.
e.Even if you two get along very well, or even moved together, now he is not in a hurry to marry you. As we all know, when the milk is free, why bother to buy the cow? I know men could live with a woman for 5, 10, 15 years, without marry her, and eventually leave her.

The other extreme: you wait until you are married to have sex.
Pros:

- He respects you.
- If the thing does not work out between you two, you get hurt less.
- The chance for either of you get STD is much smaller.

Cons:
a.He may lose patience and leave you.
b.He may decide not to date you at all.
c.You have to have self control. You have to scarify your physical need in order to gain something more precious to you, to be the wife of the man you love. And the time could be long.
d.If you are not sexually compatible, you don’t know until it is too late.

Dear sisters: I think our body is precious and special. It is like a diamond. If we present it as a diamond, it will be treated as a diamond. If we present it as a napkin, it will be treated like a napkin. I know that a lot of you have a heart of gold and is capable of great love and great passion. However, if you wrap it up with a napkin, there is a chance that the man you love wouldn’t even bother to open it, to discover it. He thinks it is just a napkin and would carelessly throw it away. That hurts! In addition, I think love making should be secretive, should be very special. If we all have sex with our man before the wedding, what will be so special on the wedding night?

I really like to know what you think, from both men and women. If you can tell us why you pick one particular choice, it is even better.

Thanks to all!

S.

Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #2 March 18,2010, 5:30am

blames self-help books

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"Our body is a diamond" nope sorry my body is not a commodity. This thought process means that your body is you only value, if true is a sad statement for that person. I love a man who fell for my mind and just happens to love my body as well.

To answer your OP it is a decision to work out for yourself. Sorry to be once again the bearer of bad news but no ones advice on this is helpful. Why you ask? Glad you did.

Because this is not a request for advice it is a request for opinion. What you will receive is only opinion. In my opinion it depends on the relationship. First guy I dated during my divorce was a FWB relationship, no waiting necessary. Second guy was third date cause we were going from friendship to relationship. That lasted two and a half years. Next guy fourth date, sex wasn't that great, good to know, next....

Current guy second date, he lives with me now and is by far the most amazing man I have ever known. What do you say about a man who is more concerned with helping my kids through their behavior issues that complaining about them. Love that man.

ThePriestess Post #3 March 18,2010, 5:47am

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Now.

Mokkesofie Post #4 March 18,2010, 5:52am

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dreamchaser wrote :

If we present it as a napkin, it will be treated like a napkin.

"I've been in more laps than a napkin."

(Mae West - my favourite woman!)

username_already_exists Post #5 March 18,2010, 7:13am

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for my "opinion", I refer you to my second post under the 3 Date Wonder.

Last edited by username_already_exists; March 18,2010 at 8:59am.

jcw001 Post #6 March 18,2010, 7:23am

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yes - please!

Seriously, when you and the partner of the day choose to.

jussmile Post #7 March 18,2010, 7:26am

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when you and your partner are both ready to. if one is ready before the other... he/she has to wait or move on.

Dafearon Post #8 March 18,2010, 7:30am

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I have to pick, none of the above and go with a write in.

I believe you should have sex when both of you are ready.

Waiting, in my opinion, will not make a guy respect you more. He either does or doesn't.

If you are ready to have sex, and wait. You are depriving yourself. If you wait, and he ends up being the type of guy who doesn't respect you and leaves, what have you gained, exactly?

I like Jo's post about your body being a commodity. If you treat it as such, then you're subtly hinting that you are doing the man a favor when/if you do decide to have sex. That leads to all kinds of wrong assumptions. Sex is not about "giving it up". Its about two people sharing. Just be ready for it, and do not be ashamed to be not ready.

Nanette Post #9 March 18,2010, 8:36am

~ giving gentle smack-downs... vewy vewy gentle

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