Is the Woman supposed to do the Driving?!


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  March 17,2010, 12:26pm
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Met a guy online and have been exchanging mails for the last week. He seems like a great guy, lots of the same kinds of interests, somewhat traditional values, same types of relationship goals, etc. Problem is... he is somewhat long distance (lives about 3 hours away). We are making plans to see each other this weekend, and he wants me to come his way ... is that normal? He says he knows his area better, blah, blah, blah... but I was thinking maybe we would meet somewhere in between first?

I'm not sure... how does it normally work? I don't know this guy, don't know if it's the right thing to do to meet on "his turf" when no in-person chemistry has been established yet. I'm open to driving to him, but seems kind a strange to me.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #2  March 17,2010, 12:29pm
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is your question the one in the thread title or the one in the post?
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #3  March 17,2010, 12:34pm

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also, what happen to WAD? I thought you liked him!

I've actually driven about three hours (and stayed overnight) to meet my date. She offered to meet somewhere in the middle, but being a gentleman () I declined and said I was ok driving to meet her.

I don't think his request is strange, just maybe too modern for some women.
Last edited by PY_2; March 17,2010 at 12:38pm.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  March 17,2010, 12:34pm
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A long time ago I've noticed a pattern that does not seem to get broken. A man who does not offer to come to where it's more convenient for the woman to meet for whatever excuse is going to be one who will be selfish in many small and big ways in the future. I'd also be wary of a guy who is afraid to step out of his comfort zone.

Personally, I like to meet either half way at some fun location I'm fairly familiar with or I don't actually mind driving over to his area simply because it makes it very easy for me to leave if I'm not happy. However I always pay attention to the fact that he offers and wants to come to me first and only yields when I decline that.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  March 17,2010, 12:48pm
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I would find that kind of selfish on his part, unless he has a good reason not to drive (can't, small children, whatever). I don't really see it as a gender thing though.

But if you go, you could always make an excursion out of it ... is there anything else in his city you'd like to see? And remember basic safety ... his "turf" should be a public place with other people around.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #6  March 17,2010, 1:06pm

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jussmile wrote :
Met a guy online and have been exchanging mails for the last week. He seems like a great guy, lots of the same kinds of interests, somewhat traditional values, same types of relationship goals, etc. Problem is... he is somewhat long distance (lives about 3 hours away). We are making plans to see each other this weekend, and he wants me to come his way ... is that normal? He says he knows his area better, blah, blah, blah... but I was thinking maybe we would meet somewhere in between first?

I'm not sure... how does it normally work? I don't know this guy, don't know if it's the right thing to do to meet on "his turf" when no in-person chemistry has been established yet. I'm open to driving to him, but seems kind a strange to me.
I'd say give it a try one time. Make sure he's not bringing you some place convenient for him to dispose of your body. Also, by "knows the area better" he'd best mean he's got a real knockout of a date planned, because if you don't have a great time he won't have any excuse like "Sorry, I wasn't familiar with the area".
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #7  March 17,2010, 1:13pm

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Thinking....I believe we got the right to drive right around the same time we were allowed to vote and hold property. Not sure though, I wonder if there are any law historians on the board.

*thinks*
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #8  March 17,2010, 1:18pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
is your question the one in the thread title or the one in the post?
I'm just going to qoute this again because i really want to know.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #9  March 17,2010, 1:29pm

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scarlet13 wrote :
I'm just going to qoute this again because i really want to know.
I just went with answering the title. It was easier that way.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #10  March 17,2010, 1:39pm
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I usually prefer to take on the expense of going to the long-distance match on a first meeting bc I know from experience if the chemistry is not there for me, then there's not going to be a second meeting. Guys can kind of know their interest visually so a picture seems to work OK for them sorting that out from what I've read here at the boards and elsewhere ... but for me it's something I can only assess in person.

I generally know pretty quickly after meeting someone if it's possible for me to get in that zone with them. This point used to confuse me a little bit ... I used to drag out the dating to see if chemistry would develop over time (it never did), but after reading about how chemistry works for women (for most women it's taste/smell thing) I get why it's so instantaneous for me and I just accept that it is that way and work with it.

It seems unfair to me to drag someone all the way where I am when I can't really assure them of any interest beyond a first date. After the first date, when I can feel reasonably sure I am interested and tell him so, then I think if they are interested too it is probably their turn to come see me ... if they want to.

I say probably because everything also depends on the particular circumstances involved.
 
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