Is the Woman supposed to do the Driving?!


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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #81  March 19,2010, 4:03pm

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D_Lion wrote :
Still, this is a useful reminder of why I avoid urban woman.
your loss, babycakes.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #82  March 19,2010, 4:13pm
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PY_2 wrote :
Maybe JavaJava because she felt somebody outdid her on post length ...
I've only seen one serious contender ... Jac.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #83  March 19,2010, 4:20pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
your loss, babycakes.
Yes. Like any screen, it has downsides.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #84  March 19,2010, 4:27pm
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I would have gone for some where inbetween, but it's up to you to decide if you are going to be the one who does all the driving to see him. Is this normal?? Depends on your normal. The first time I met my SO, it was me who went to see him first. All depends on the factors involved and if you feel comfortable with them. Do what your gut instinct says to do, if you don't feel right about it, compromise.....
 
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theweave is offline theweave Post #85  March 19,2010, 8:02pm
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PY_2 wrote :
No need for new thread:

I drove over 400 miles ($35 in gas)fficeffice" />
Hotel ($120+)
Lunch ($50)
Coffee ($7)
Bandaid ($.25 for splinters on my toes because I had to walk a couple miles in dress shoes because she didn’t offer to drive me back to my car)
Wine ($9….she was the one inviting me that night, but paid for her own wine and not mine)

Total: $221.25

Can I submit this to EH for reimbursement check?
Man that is a lot of money for one date! Here is one my first dates on EH that as out of town:

Train (return) $64
Suite at the Hilton in Downtown Toronto $99 (thank you Priceline Name Your Own Price!!!)
Dinner: $50
Booze $50
Room service next morning with both of us in bed: $50

Making out with her all night :Priceless!!!

To continue, on the second date, she drove 3 hours (normally one hour drive but got stuck in traffic!), constantly phoning me to apologize, went to a cocktail reception with me for one hour, than drove the hour back to Toronto!!!

3rd date, spent the night at my house again so she didn't have to drive home....

There was no fourth date!

But we both made the effort to see each other at least!

Two way street here, afraid of getting lost, get a GPS!!!!!

Maybe he just drives his cars into concrete poles like I did last week in a strange city in the rain and in the dark!!!

 
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slpion is offline slpion Post #86  March 19,2010, 10:45pm
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I once dated someone who lived about an hour away from me. I ALWAYS drove to see him. I didn't really mind. It worked fine for awhile until he made a comment about me never offering to pay for dinner. What!? He claimed he was joking. I said, I had no problem paying if he drove to see me. You know, I buy, you fly? We soon parted ways.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #87  March 19,2010, 10:56pm

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slpion wrote :
I once dated someone who lived about an hour away from me. I ALWAYS drove to see him. I didn't really mind. It worked fine for awhile until he made a comment about me never offering to pay for dinner. What!? He claimed he was joking. I said, I had no problem paying if he drove to see me. You know, I buy, you fly? We soon parted ways.
You can drive to him in an hour, but he had to fly to see you?

You must've driven one of these!!
 
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Michael1974 is offline Michael1974 Post #88  March 19,2010, 11:07pm
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DancingFool wrote :
A long time ago I've noticed a pattern that does not seem to get broken. A man who does not offer to come to where it's more convenient for the woman to meet for whatever excuse is going to be one who will be selfish in many small and big ways in the future. I'd also be wary of a guy who is afraid to step out of his comfort zone.

Personally, I like to meet either half way at some fun location I'm fairly familiar with or I don't actually mind driving over to his area simply because it makes it very easy for me to leave if I'm not happy. However I always pay attention to the fact that he offers and wants to come to me first and only yields when I decline that.
Yes, I concur with this.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #89  March 19,2010, 11:11pm
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mrflyer wrote :
I'm curious why someone in NYC (which has something like 8 million people) needs to start a long-distance relationship, especially when she's not willing to drive to where the other person lives.

Isn't it just as far for him to drive to her as for her to drive to him?
I'm pretty sure that her complaint was that she was expected to do ALL the driving, as opposed to sharing the driving. Especially considering that the guy didn't have his own place and they didn't have any privacy at that end.
 
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Crcbonjour is offline Crcbonjour Post #90  March 24,2010, 11:00pm
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Jussmile, you are right. Ultimately, way more selfish behavior ensued and which I had overlooked because of reasons that seemed, for the moment, beyond control (but they really could have been dealt with if he hadn't been selfish) and so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and it being relatively new, not feeling like I had to make a big deal of too many things because there was a lot more for us to learn about each other. So I was not going to "throw the baby out with the bath water", no pun (baby) intended, but instead wait until we got to know each other better to see if other qualities balanced out some of the selfish things I was seeing. We did not get that far. I just got to see the selfish. And in doing all the driving and paying for it (yes D Lion had a point in negotiating this if I was doing the driving) was the start of many other selfish "signs" that started to be revealed. But again, how do you know all of someone in 4 dates? You don't. I see it very clearly now, all the reasons why things went the way they did. Yes he is selfish. But also, per a lot of reading I've done on these boards and elsewhere, he wasn't attracted enough to make it a relationship, plain and simple. That never feels good, and doesn't at all tell of how our dates went. So I sure did waste a lot of toll and gas money and YES I did spend more en totale on tolls & gas, than he did on the restaurant checks. So I lost-lost!

D-Lion, yes I responded to his request to communicate assuming fully well he was AWARE that he was communicating with a woman in NYC! Hence having made the decision that he would be willing and able to make a trip up to see me, and according to many, in fact, meet me here as an act of chivalry. We did meet somewhat halfway for our first date (again I incurred all the tolls and he incurred none) and he never once said, "oh I want to see where you live, it must be nice there near the harbor & promenade, and lots to do in the city, etc" so I repeat, he should have done what you do: close me out as an urban match instead of pursuing me knowing I was a city dweller. It's ON HIM. AND I PAID FOR IT ALL.

And you know what? It's NEVER going to happen again!! Most of the matches I receive are out of state.......I think we have more than 8 million people and I expected more city dwellers myself but guess what? There's nary a few in this service in my radius, which is fair & flexible. Most of the city is already "hooked up" hence my joining the site! It's this or be a bar-fly and who wants to do that? UGH. Too pathetic. By the way, I live in a high end neighborhood that is LOUSY with Bentleys & exotic sports cars - a Benz is like a Camry here. Your car would be safe here........believe me. It is one of the richest neighborhoods in my borough and these cars are littering the streets. I would leave my car outside with the keys in it and it would not go anywhere. So your assumptions, at least where I live.....are wrong. City driving is GREAT FUN, I love it and find it an incredible adrenaline rush. Once one really gets good at it, as I am, you just love, love it. Only thing that stinks is the traffic.

Do I plan to leave the city someday - sure. But I need to have the right reasons to leave. My No Toll Paying dater was asking me after two dates whether or not I would move down to where he lived and I was like, "what?" It's nice there but I'd need a darn good reason. And who asks that question, seriously, after two dates, and then decides that they are not that into you? Mr. Selfish, that's who. You would not BELIEVE the manners in which this one was selfish......not worth getting into but I am sure I would get a unanimous, be glad he's gone response. OMG.

Only thing is, it's left a bad taste in my mouth as I've never been much of a dater, the eH "guided communication" process takes long and I think in the future I'll be fast tracking to just get to a first date and see if there are sparks. If not, buh-bye. I wasted one month just getting to know this one before meeting him, then wasted a bunch of money. He called the first date "magical" and it was. Go figure.

But the driving.........meet halfway the first time in public and after that, if there is after, he's coming to me. Like the song goes "Won't get fooled again" like I was this time. And while I expect everyone to have self-love, I do not expect selfishness so at the first sign.......SEE YA. No time to waste on anyone like that. Forget about giving leeway - there is none for selfishness.

And after he's driven to me, I will GLADLY reciprocate and go to where he lives as I am only too happy to be fair. It's all I expected in this last thing, but none of what I got. Pick an urban woman, expect to do some urban driving. Like D Lion, close City Dwellers if not interested but don't pursue them if it clearly states that someone lives in the city. It's just not fair if you don't plan to visit.
 
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